An Intangible Pattern - Fate Bound.

Lilly

At twelve years old, Ben was beginning to understand.
His mother sat across from him as sunlight streamed through the window onto the bed, where a new comic book lay in a blue plastic bag. He raised his eyes from her dry, work beaten hands with their cracked nails, to the strained smile on her face. She looked more exhausted than the last time she visited, however her voice was full of warmth when she spoke.
"It's the latest issue, it's a good one."
"You already read it?"
"..."
Ben stared at the comic in silence, overcome with homesickness. With bitterness, he recalled how she would read comics to him and his brother before bed, in a happy, stolen moment before she left for her second job. Her smile faltered with the realization she had upset him.
"Shall we read it together?"
He shook his head, "It's ok, I'll read it later." He glanced at the clock, he knew she would have to leave again soon. She followed his gaze and sighed.
"I have to go to work, but how about we go out for ice cream and we can visit Granny at the weekend?"
"Can't I just come home?" He knew the answer, but he asked anyway.
She reached out and drew him into a tight hug, kissing the top of his head.
"I'm sorry Ben, I would love nothing more, but you know it's for your own protection. Won't you miss all your friends?"
Without even looking at her, he knew she was fighting back the urge to cry and he nodded reluctantly.
Ben had stopped crying every time she left only a few months after he came to the sanitorium: he knew there was no point, it wouldn't change anything.
Reluctantly, she let go and stood up, taking his face affectionately in her hands and smoothing his hair.
"Be good sweetheart. If you need anything just text me, I'll get back to you as quick as I can. I love you."
"Love you too mum." Ben replied sadly. She gave him a last hug and kiss and left with a reluctant wave.
Ben collapsed on his bed, a heavy weight in his chest pinning him down. He listlessly picked up the comic book and threw it on the floor.
Why does she bother? She wouldn't have to work so hard if she just let me come home!
He stared into space, listening to the sound of traffic from the street below.
Twenty minutes or so passed, when someone knocked on his door. He said nothing, hoping they would go away.
"Ben! Bee-eeen! Answer the door!"
Ben sighed, and rolled off his bed. He opened the door on a red-haired boy with a face peppered with freckles. The boy immediately shoved through without waiting for Ben to invite him in.
"Took your time, didn't you?"
"I was sleeping."
"Uh huh! Sure you weren't giving it a bit of that?" The boy made an obscene gesture with his hand. Ben sighed in resignation and closed the door.
"No, just sleeping. What do you want Kevin?"
"I'm bored! Oooh X-men! Are you done with it?"
"No."
"Mind if I read it?"
"Do what you want." Ben said, flopping down on his bed again.
"Yaaasss!"
Kevin settled cross-legged on the floor. He pulled a packet of sweets from the blue bag.
"Cola bottles! Your mum is the best. Want some?"
Ben rolled his eyes as Kevin opened the bag of sweets. It was a predictable series of events, every time his mother visited, Kevin was sure to follow. It irritated him, but the more he showed irritation, the more annoying Kevin could be. He sighed in resignation and helped himself to a sweet.
He read the comic book over Kevin's shoulder, not necessarily because he wanted to, but because Kevin wouldn't be able to resist talking about it and spoiling the story for him.
"Haaaa get wrecked!" Kevin cackled at a particularly violent panel.
"Hang on, I wasn't done reading!"
"Ugh fine," Kevin halted in the act of turning the page. "Why are you so slow!"
"Cos I actually read the story?"
"Who cares about the story?"
"I do and it's my comic."
"Then read a book, comics are all about the art!"
Ben wondered if Kevin would still visit if his mother only brought books and filed the idea away in his mind for later use.
"The more you talk, the slower I read, so shut up!"
"Fine."
"Look, I'll read it aloud for you, it's better with the story "
Ben read aloud and at first Kevin listened in silence, but then he began to ask questions.
"So wait! Why does Apocalypse want Nate?"
"Because he wants to take over his body."
"But why?"
Ben sighed, "Can we do something else? I'm bored."
Kevin scanned the room and his face lit up at the sight of a £10 note on Ben's bedside table. Following his gaze, Ben inwardly cursed that he had forgotten to hide the pocket money his mother left for him.
"Wanna get McDonald's."
"How exactly? We need an adult to go with us."
Kevin grinned widely, his expression mockingly suggested that he knew something Ben didn't.
"Can I tell you a secret? But you can't tell anyone else!"
"What is it."
"I know a way out of here."
Ben sat up curiously, "How?"
"We can get out over the roof!"
"How do you know that?"
"I saw Carly sneaking out that way. There's a board you can cross to the building next door and you just go down the fire escape.
Ben hesitated, "I don't know if that's a good idea. We'd get into a heap of trouble if we got caught."
"We won't get caught, no one goes up there. Come on, I thought you said you were bored."
Ben pondered nervously and Kevin got up on his knees, "Please, please, please please!"
"Alright, fine."
Kevin snatched the £10 note from the bedside table and stood impatiently by the door. Ben shoved his feet into his trainers, wiggling the heel into place.
The boys ran up the stairs to the top floor of the facility, ignored the sign that read 'staff only beyond this point' and stopped at the fire escape. Ben read the bold red letters stamped across the door with dismay - 'This door is alarmed.'
"We can't! They'll know!," whispered Ben urgently.
"Relax," Kevin pushed the door open and Ben tensed, waiting for the alarm to clamour, but nothing came.
"It's broken, Carly says it's been broken for years and they just never fixed it."
Ben tentatively stepped out onto the roof after him. The wind was cold up on the terrace and the flat concrete was still damp from a recent burst of rain. Kevin fussed around behind a ventilator and lifted a broad plank of wood. He carried it to the edge of the roof and set it down between the sanitorium and the building next door. Ben peered over the edge into the narrow alley below and his head span.
"You're joking right?"
"Don't be a wuss! You could jump that gap!"
"What if we fall? They'd have to peel us off the concrete!"
"Chicken! Bowk bowk boowwk!" Crowed Kevin, "...It's easy just watch me!"
He placed a foot on the plank and was over in three steps. He stood on the other side, his hands spread out and a huge grin on his face, "Ta da!
Ben set a foot on the plank and tested it, it seemed stable enough, but his nerves screamed and his stomach jolted.
"Just keep your eyes on this side, don't look down," called Kevin.
"I'm not looking down!" Burst Ben, his voice shriller than he'd intended. Embarrassed, he took a deep breath and shakily stepped out onto the plank. His mind went blank as fear took over and he barely remembered taking two more steps over the gap. As he hopped down from the ledge onto solid concrete, the breath held tightly in his chest burst free a giddy laugh.
Kevin took hold of the plank and shoved it hard to the other side.
"What are you doing? How will we get back?"
"Chill out! There's one on this side. It's the code, you always leave one on the other side in case someone else wants to cross and you can't leave it there in case someone notices it from the street."
He pointed to another plank of wood lying on the ground a few feet away.
"Come on, it's this way."
Ben followed Kevin across the roof to the fire escape and down the ladder. The ladder stopped short of the ground but Kevin leapt to a chain link fence and then dropped to the ground. Ben followed his example and grimaced painfully as he clutched the narrow wire.
"It's a little tricky getting back up, but it's doable."
"How long have you known about this?"
"About a month."
"And you're just telling me now?"
Kevin shrugged, "Had to be sure you wouldn't rat me out?"
"What?" Said Ben, offended at his implication.
"Well, you're a goody two shoes!"
"Am not!"
"Are too! You won't grass will you? You'll be in trouble too!"
"I'm not a grass!"
"Whatever, come on, I want a cheeseburger."
Ben's irritation at Kevin evaporated as they wandered through the city streets. He felt energized, delighting in his new found freedom from the confines of the sanitorium. They took their time, leisurely stopping whenever something caught their attention; a gadget shop here, a comic book shop there, until they finally reached McDonald's. As they sat, eating their burgers, Kevin pointed out of the window to a group of teenagers on the opposite side of the street.
"Look, it's Carly!"
Ben glanced over at the small crowd huddled around a jewelry stall. He recognised a few of them from the sanitorium, but the majority were strangers.
Kevin slurped the final dregs of his milkshake and said, "Lets say hi!"
"Are you sure we won't get in trouble?"
Kevin snorted, "It's not like they can tell on us. Come on!"
They finished their meal and stepped out into the street. As they approached the group, Kevin adopted an odd swagger and his face took on a brooding expression that looked ridiculous on his childish face. Ben tried to distance himself, feeling his cheeks burn with second hand embarrassment.
"Hey Carly," Kevin said cooly, "how's it hanging?"
Carly regarded him with a disdainful expression, "Is there something wrong with your legs Kev? You look like you shit yourself!"
The girl next to her was smoking a cigarette, she let out a stuttering stream of smoke as she laughed.
Ben couldn't help but stare at the girl, he'd never seen anyone like her: her hair was a pale bubblegum pink, dark only where the roots were coming through. She wore jeans, and a metal band t-shirt with an artfully patched leather jacket. Her pixie-like face sported piercings in her lips and nose and her hazel eyes were ringed in thick black eyeliner. She looked cool.
Ben was suddenly deeply self conscious about his worn trainers and hand me down Pokémon t-shirt. He looked around at the huddle of more mature teenagers and was acutely aware that he looked like a kid.
He tried to guess the girl's age and judged if she was friends with Carly, she was probably about fourteen, though later he would find out that he had grossly underestimated.
Carly, having successfully deflated Kevin, now turned her attention to Ben.
"What are you doing here?"
Ben shrugged and Carly rounded back to Kevin, "Are you telling everybody about the roof now? I thought I told you, it's a secret. If we get caught because of you, you're dead!" she swiped her finger across her throat to emphasize the point
"Ben won't tell anyone, will you?"
Ben shook his head earnestly.
"You better not. What do you two dorks want anyway."
"Nothing, just wanted to say hi." Ben replied shyly.
"Well mission accomplished. Bye then!" Carly scoffed.
Kevin crossed his arms, "We can go wherever we like, it's a free country and you're not the boss of us."
"I'm not your babysitter either, so go somewhere else, you're killing the mood."
"Don't be such a... a village bike!"
The girl with pink hair burst out laughing while Carly turned red and screamed at Kevin, "What the fuck! Do you virgins even know what that means?"
Kevin scrabbled for an explanation, "You know...it's ah...Owen said it. He said you're the village bike."
"Owen said I was the village bike? That little shit, he can talk, I bet he's riddled with the clap."
Ben looked between Kevin and the girls in confusion. "What does it mean?"
The girl with pink hair leaned in, "He basically called her a slut. You know because she lets everyone ride her?"
"Really?" Kevin looked at Carly with renewed interest and smoothed his hair back.
She fixed him with a scathing look of distaste and spat,"Absolutely not."
"Whatever, you're ugly anyway."
Ben left them to bicker and pretended to look at the jewelry on the boards.
"See anything you like?" Said the girl. Ben noticed she had a money belt around her waist.
"Just looking. Is this your stall?"
"Yep, I make most of the stuff myself."
"Wow, you're really talented!" said Ben, examining a leather bracelet.
The girl lit another cigarette and took a draw, "Thanks! Do you want to try it on?"
"It's ok, I don't have any money."
She shrugged, unpinned the bracelet from the board and snapped it around his wrist.
"You can try it, it's not like I have any other customers," she said pointedly, shooting a disapproving glance at the still bickering Kevin and Carly, "It looks good on you."
"Sorry Lilly," Carly said.
Lilly shrugged and passed her the cigarette.
"Gis a draw, Carly," said Kevin hopefully.
Carly rolled her eyes, "You're such a leech!" She passed him the cigarette and Kevin sucked on it, trying to look cool.
"It's not going to do much if you just suck it, you gotta inhale." Observed Lilly, as he passed the cigarette back to her. She offered it to Ben.
Ben looked nervously at it, recalling his mother wrinkling her nose whenever the topic came up.
"It's a disgusting habit, and it's really bad for you. Don't even start, its so hard to give up!"
However, he wanted this girl to like him and he didn't want to be the one lame kid who didn't fit in.
Carly snorted, "Ben won't do it, he's a 'good boy.'"
Embarrassment stung and Ben reflexively took the cigarette, shooting a defiant stare at Carly. He put it to his lips and inhaled, just as Lilly had said.
His throat burned and he immediately began to choke, his eyes watering as he gasped for air.
How does anyone get addicted to this? - he thought.
Lilly chuckled and retrieved a bottle of water from behind the boards and offered it to him. He nodded gratefully and swallowed the cool water.
"See! Told you he was too innocent!" Carly tutted.
"I don't know, I think he's cute," Lilly smiled.
Without warning she grabbed his shoulders and kissed him. Ben's hair stood on end and his stomach somersaulted. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Carly turn pale and look away.
When Lilly pulled her lips away, he stared at her, completely stunned and feeling his cheeks begin to burn. She laughed at his surprised expression.
"Today's a day full of firsts for you, huh?"
He was speechless, and rasped, "What was that for?"
"I just wanted to see how you'd react." she gave him another sly grin.
He didn't know what to say, so he looked down at his wrist and awkwardly muttered, "Ah your bracelet."
He made to unclasp it but she blew smoke in his face and chuckled, "Keep it, you can pay me back some other time."
Some other time? Does that mean she wants to hang out again?
His head was spinning, up until that point he'd not taken much notice of girls, but there was something about her that fascinated him. She seemed mysterious and mature and she liked him enough to kiss him, even though they'd just met.
"Hey, can I get a bracelet?" interrupted Kevin hopefully. They both looked at him.
"Sure, they're £10 each," she replied, smiling fixedly.
"Awww! But you said Ben could have one! I haven't got any money left!"
She shrugged, "That sounds like a you problem. Guess you'll have to find a job."
"And who would give me job,?"
"Still not my problem, but since I'm nice, my uncle always needs people to work in the laundry room. You can handle washing towels right? I can ask him if you want? It's not much, but it's cash in hand."
"Nah! Can't be bothered."
"Suit yourself."
"Can anyone work?" Asked Ben hopefully. He thought of his mother, how she grew more and more worn out the longer he stayed at the sanitorium. If he could earn some money, perhaps he could pay for his own board. He didn't know how he would explain where the money came from yet, but he would think of something. Maybe she wouldn't have to work so hard or perhaps she could at least drop a few shifts and stay longer when she visited.
"Sure! How about I give you my number and I can send you the details?" grinned Lilly.
"Ah yeah, just a moment," said Ben, as he fumbled in his pocket for his phone.
With Lilly's seal of approval, others in the group drifted over to introduce themselves and Ben found himself an object of curiosity, especially with the girls.
"Which school do you go to?"
"Do you live around here?"
"Are you an omega?"
The flurry of questions bewildered him and nettled Kevin, who glared at him jealously. Ben shrugged as if to say, "Don't look at me, I don't know what's going on."
Kevin began to act out, trying to draw some attention his way.
"Bogies!" He shouted.
The girls glared at him but the boys laughed, so he did it again. Some of them began to join in.
"Oh my god! Shut up! You're so embarrassing!" complained Carly.
The boys laughed harder and repeated the war cry with renewed fervor.
Lilly sighed and began to pack up the boards.
"Well, looks like that's it for today."
"You're going?" Ben asked with sinking disappointment.
"No, not yet, but this lot will just scare my customers away. Besides, I'm more interested in you."
She fluttered her lashes at him and his heart leapt. Maybe she would kiss him again.
She didn't kiss him again, but as Ben returned to the sanitorium that afternoon, trailing behind Carly and Kevin, his head was full of her. He barely noticed his surroundings until they stood in the alley under the fire escape.
He snapped back to earth as Carly climbed the fence, then leapt out and caught the ladder. Without a word to either of them, she climbed up.
"Is she alright?" Said Ben, suddenly aware of the aura of fury emanating from her.
Kevin shrugged dismissively, "Who knows, she's probably on her period."
She shot him a look of icy venom, but carried on.
"Ignore her. Just watch me." He climbed the fence and leapt to the ladder just as Carly had. He then waited on the platform above.
Ben tried to copy his path, but missed the first time, landing with a jarring to thud beneath the ladder. His second attempt was better, but he barely caught the bottom rung and scrambled awkwardly to pull himself up.
Eventually, they made it to the rooftop and looked around for Carly.
They caught sight of her on the other side, a spiteful smile playing on her lips as she slipped through the door into the sanitorium.
She'd gone over without them.
And she'd taken the board.