Waterlily

Ten (redone)

Forty three, Forty four, My senses were increasingly delicate. I felt tiny air bubbles ,caught in the blond hairs on my forearms, burst.

I stared at the clock, waiting for Eric's curls to bounce into the room ,with some sort of sarcastic comment and that captivating smile he always seemed to bear upon his pale face. Mrs Walsh would occasionally glance over at me, her beady eyes calculating her next ,no doubt, humiliating move. Whenever our eyes locked I would throw my pupils down towards the textbook and make myself as small as possible. My mind went into overload. He'd said he had to take care of somethings. What if that "something" was a stash of drugs and he was being held at gun point by a gang of coke heads? What if he was in a fight? He could be hurt. He could be dead! However, he could just have the flu. 

The bell clarified that I'd just blanked out of an entire lesson, weeks before an A-level exam. I sighed heavily releasing ,what seemed to be, the entire capacity of my swimmers lungs. Grabbing my bag, I made my way towards the door.

"Lily? A word, please." Mrs Walsh expertly positioned herself between me and my freedom as she lent against the doorway. Her red peep-toe heels displayed her freshly manicured feet whilst her foot propped open the door. I nodded obediently even though I just wanted to escape. Mrs Walsh swayed back towards her desk leaving the door to slam shut. Bracing myself I followed her to the other side of the room. She sat then I copied. My palms began to sweat as I awaited her harsh words. Then suddenly her lips began to move and what escaped them confused me "I'm worried about you." I didn't glance up but my brow creased slightly. This woman, who gained satisfaction from the embarrassment of students, had emotions?  " I've been observing you for a while now and I've gone over your last mock exam. You're really behind ,Lily." My lip twitched into a smile for a nanosecond with the realisation, this was just her way of telling me I was a failure. She wasn't worried about me, She was worried about my grades affecting her paycheck. "Does this have anything to do with your brothers accident?"  Silence.

I froze, I wasn't ready to discuss this with anyone outside of my family circle, especially not a she-devil that will probably just gossip about it in the staffroom with her fellow demons. She lowered her head to try and get me to look at her. 

"No. I'm sorry, I'll try harder next lesson." I spoke monotonously, knowing that I wouldn't. I couldn't care less about my grades. At the end of the day what are they. A prize for memory recall on Sigmund Freuds theories, I don't want it. All I want is happiness and you don't achieve that with a piece of paper marked with a letter. 

"There are professionals situated at the college if you need to talk to someone." 

"You think I need a psych?" I managed to catch the laughter behind my teeth.

"No, No! Of course not! It's just that it's a traumatic incident and sometimes it helps if you talk to-"

"I'm fine, Miss. Can I please leave? I'm going to miss my next lesson." I stood up not awaiting the reply as I exited the stuffy classroom, leaving the door wide open behind me.