Spirit of the puzzle (book 1)

Chapter 11: word of a pharaoh

A dense silence sits between Yugi and I as we sit on opposite sides of the room. It feels as if we are two war fronts just waiting to converge upon one another. Yugi's face is downcast as he struggles to discover what it is he feels. Anger, hurt, distrust and sadness flash across his face as his emotions battle for dominance. I want to apologize, I want to hold him, but Yugi's pride forbids me from doing such...You would think that since I was a pharaoh I would have an issue with my pride. In this case you would be sorely mistaken. The one with the overwhelming sense of pride would be my little Yugi over there.
Yugi looks up at me, meeting my eyes for the first time since Solomon had left the room almost a half hour ago. His lips struggle to formulate words, but nothing escapes his lips. It would seem that his thoughts are so scattered that he doesn't even know where to begin. I sigh quietly as I continue to look at my little aibou with a slight depression.
If I had known how much this would have hurt Yugi I would have just told him from the beginning. The knowledge that I had caused this rift between the two of us drives me insane. The reason I hadn't told him about my title was because I don't like thinking about my past. My history is dripping with the blood of innocents and then sealed with my own. Death was supposed to be the final atonement of my sins but it would seem that there is still so much more expected of me. Expected of me from the gods and Yugi.
"Atem," Yugi says finally. I flinch at the sound of my name. The mere sound of it on Yugi's lips are like knives stabbing into my chest. "I know that you don't have to tell me anything...but I would have appreciated to at least know who you were."
"I'm sorry Yugi." He looks down with a sad expression that makes my heart ache. "I never meant to hurt you...you know that."
"Yeah," he mumbles. "It just makes me wonder if what you said to me was true."
"Ofcourse it was true!" I shout. "A pharaoh's word is absolute!"
"But I wasn't aware that you were a pharaoh until an hour ago! What does that tell you?" He shouts with clear heartache. I run my fingers through my hair as I sink down the wall with a groan.
"I made a mistake. I acknowledge that." I say with growing agitation that I struggle to contain. "Can you forgive me?"
"Tell me everything about you!" I stare at him in surprise. "Tell me every detail and I will consider it." A small smile graces my lips. His spirit always amused me and now it just made me adore Yugi even more.
"Aibou." I smirk as I rise to my feet. He looks at me skeptically as I walk towards him. I can almost hear his frantic heartbeat as I grab his wrists and pin him beneath me on the bed. "I will honor your request only if it is what you are certain that you want."
"It is." He whispers.
"I see." I say with a dry smile. "What do you want to know?"
"What was it like being pharaoh?"
"The power was intoxicating. Feeling the adoration and awe of my subjects filled the void that I was creating between myself and them. I believed that there should be a great distance between a king and his people, the only exception being during a reward or punishment for the people...I see now that I was wrong."
"Obviously." Yugi murmurs under his breath. I smile down at him and nip at his neck. He yelps in surprise and looks up at me with curious eyes.
"If you're going to be rude, I won't tell you another word." I tease. He frowns.
"Sorry." He mumbles with a pouting expression. I chuckle.
"There's my sweet boy." Placing a soft kiss on the end of his nose. A soft giggle escapes his lips as his eyes brighten. My little aibou looks better like this. Anger doesn't suit him.
"Atem," I flinch. "How did you die?"
"My memory of this moment is foggy." I admit quietly.
"Try your best." He says with a small smile. I can tell that he is dreading hearing how my life had ended but his yearning to know is stronger than his dread.
"It was at night and I was walking back to my quarters unattended and one of my councilmen jumped out of the shadows of one of the pillars. He wrapped his arm around my neck and proceeded to stab me in the stomach. The dagger slashed me open. When he dropped me in the ground the front of my body was coated with my blood. With my fading vision I watched him write the symbol of my name on the wall in my blood. The last thing I remember is him walking towards me again with his knife outstretched towards me... I know that he had to have done something more to me, but I have no recollection of what it was."
"Yami!" Yugi sobs underneath me. I release his wrists and pull him into my arms, his whole body trembling in my arms. "I am so sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He sobs as he digs his fingers deep into my shirt to the point where his fingernails scratch my skin, but I completely ignore the pain I feel. The only important thing to me at this moment is the pain that my aibou is feeling. "Yami!" He cries my name repeatedly as he holds me tightly, reassuring himself that I truly am here. "Yami!"
"I'm here." I whisper into his ear as I rock us gently back and forth. "I'm here."
"Yami, I'm so-"
"Hush now." I interject. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
"Yami." He cries softly into my shoulder.
"I'm here." I whisper. "I'm here." I pull myself away slightly so I can look into his eyes. "Please don't cry for me anymore."
"But you-"
"Please." I plead. "Hearing you cry for me is more painful than being murdered. I would take being brutally murdered a thousand times over before ever allowing you to cry for me, little one." I gently kiss his cheeks as he struggles to cease crying. My strong little hikari. He never ceases to amaze me. I smile at him affectionately. "Remember Yugi," I say as I lead one of his hands to my heart and the other to my face. "I am right here before you. As long as you are with me I am no longer a bitter memory. I live just as you do. I am right before your eyes so please don't grieve for me. My heart can't take it."
His palm cradles my face as he sniffles. Even in such a pitiful state my hikari is still insanely beautiful. I kiss his cheek as he murmurs into my ear unintelligibly. The only words I am able to pick out are: "I love you Yami."