Jax x Reader ~Enemies to Lovers~

Chapter Nineteen: Jax to the rescue?

My eyes darted to the sanded floor, fear encapsulates my heart, making me feel like I am slowly suffocating. The ocean water surrounds me, pushing against the scuba gear that is tied around my head, my breathing quickens a bit, even though I knew I wasn't drowning--I felt it. In my head, lungs, body, whatever...I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I tried to take deep breaths with my oxygen tank, anything to ground me in reality. I shouldn't be this afraid of water, right? I have scuba gear on, and the rest of the other circus members seem to be doing completely fine. So why am I having this mental breakdown over being trapped...twenty feet under water...where one wrong move could be life or death--

Pathetic. That's what you are.

A voice rang in my head, my eyes water with unshed tears as I let my thoughts spiral, feeling too weak to even stop it.

Everybody else is doing fine. Why aren't you?

You should really grow thicker skin. Who would love you like this?

The others are just putting up with you. You're worthless and a nuisance to everybody.

Do you really think Jax gives a damn about you? Especially when you're like this?

I couldn't take it anymore. The thoughts continued swirling, colliding, twisting together in my head, making an amalgamation of something I can't control. I couldn't control. I need to get out of here. Forget this adventure, or finding a digital pearl in this damn digital nightmare. I just want to be home, and I knew that is what I've wanted all along.

I have just been stuck in this digital little fantasy, thinking everybody here likes me, or can tolerate me. I've been such a goddamn fool. They don't like me--none of them do. How could they? A person who is afraid of water...somebody who makes a big deal out of such a little thing...they're all fake. Every single one of them.

It would just be better if you abstract. For the both of us, Y/N.

That's the only way to get out of here, isn't it? To abstract. It sounds so simple...and it will finally give me clarity to stop worrying so much about every minimal detail...to finally let go and be free...

A sharp sting penetrates through my skin, onto my cheek, giving my body waves of shock as I blinked rapidly, trying to dissipate the tear stains that was already on my face, snapping myself back to reality.

What the hell? Who just--

Jax stood in front of me, his eyes were widen with worry as my brain has registered what had happened: he fucking slapped me. What the hell would compel somebody to do that!?

"Did you just slap me?" My eyes were narrowed as I glared at him, my voice laced with ice and sounded distant. Unlike me.

He backed away because of my sudden tone, and his widened eyes turned into an annoyed glare. "What was I supposed to do? You weren't responding. You-- You were freaking me out! You seemed genuinely distressed, okay? Jeez. Sorry for being concerned, I guess." He turned back, walking back to Del, the dragon who was supposed to be escorting us to find the pearl.

Guilt surrounded my heart, not meaning to sound so rude. It just sort of...happened. I had no control of it, and it actually freaked me out. What the fuck is wrong with me?

A sigh left my lips as I wiped the tear stains off my face, trying to act like everything is fine, biting down on my tongue to avoid saying anything else that could be deemed offensive as I followed Jax and did my best to hop onto the dragon without getting another panic attack by the dark corners of the ocean that seemed to be following me wherever I go.