"Where have you been, Charli?" the clerk behind the counter of the run-down corner store asked me in his thick Dominican accent. I had been going to his store everyday since tender age of nine. I had been gone for less than a week but he missed me already. I laughed at his comment.
"I've been kind of busy." I responded. He laughed and shook his head, giving me my change. When I walked out of the store with my plastic black bag in hand, I ignored the idiots that had been cat calling me for years. I made it safely back to my mother's apartment within ten minutes of me leaving to pick up milk. When I returned, Mama was standing over the stove. She didn't look so frustrated before I left.
"It's about time you're back with that milk." She snapped. I raised an eyebrow, almost offended. She shook her head and held her hand up. "It's not you, Baby Girl. Your brother is just working my nerves." She exhaled and took the black bag from me, pulling out the gallon of milk.
"Derrick?" I asked her. She nodded. Derrick was two yeas behind me in age. Even though I was older, he was less innocent by far. There was constant tension between him and Mama that was the most awkward thing. I couldn't blame her for being upset as Derrick was turning into a problem child. He wasn't always but he was beginning to follow in Eli's footsteps. He was coming home at different hours of the night, befriending the wrong crowd, fighting, and who knows what else? "What did he do this time?" I questioned but I didn't get an answer. Instead, she motioned toward the hallway leading to his bedroom. I left Mama alone in the kitchen to join Derrick in his room. I knocked before entering to find him lying on his bed with his phone in his hand. He had a fresh bruise underneath his right eye. My jaw nearly dropped but I did my best to compose myself.
"What the hell happened, Derrick?" I sat beside him. He sat up, pressing his back against the wooden headboard. Anger filled his eyes along with a hint of stress. No matter how many times Mama and I asked him, he wouldn't tell us what was affecting him so much. It easily got frustrating.
"Why can't you and Mama just leave me alone? You're not getting shit out of me." He argued. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Derrick never understood why Mama was always on his back. She feared that he would drop out of school or start selling drugs with Eli. And at this point I was worried that he was already there. Oddly, kids in the neighborhood idolized drug dealers but it wasn't their fault. What are they supposed to do when they've grown up seeing them with so much money and living such a lavish lifestyle. At the end of the day, that's what they all longed for and they thought dealing was the only way to get it. I grew up hoping that Derrick was smarter than that.
"Because you're making Mama's life harder than it already is. She doesn't need you turning out like Eli." I told him. He smirked, shaking his head. He stood up and started to pace around the room anxiously. I started to notice that there was something wrong with him right before I graduated from high school. There was major that could have possibly triggered his change in behavior. After nearly two minutes of silence, he sat down calmly beside me. I waited patiently for him to say something. And when he did, my heart dropped.
"I fucked up, Charli." He spoke quietly, "Mama was struggling with money and I thought it would be a one time thing. But he kept coming back and I couldn't get out of it. But the last time he came, I refused to do it. Now I'm not sure what's going to happen to me. I asked Eli to help me since they're so close but he said there was nothing he could do." He finished. I was speechless as my mouth fell open. Derrick was in deep shit. Actually, that's an understatement. Getting involved with this man was the most dangerous thing anyone in the neighborhood could do. His name was Bobby Dylan but everyone called him B.Dee. B.Dee was the type of person that could fool anyone into doing anything. To the neighborhood kids, he was the fun guy that they looked up to. To everyone else, he was the biggest contributor to the violence in the area. For a living, he was a murderer. He sold drugs that killed people, he used deadly weapons that killed people, and once you turned fourteen he would recruit you... which eventually lead to death anyway. He was able to fool Eli into joining him and now Derrick. I silently prayed the my youngest brother, Allen, wasn't next.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I was afraid for him but I came across as angry. Maybe I was a little bit. But not with him. More with Eli. I couldn't swallow the thought that Eli didn't even try to help his brother. If I were him, I'd do anything I had to.
"Because there's nothing you can do; there's nothing anyone can do!" He yelled. I began to tear up because I didn't know what else to say. And with that, I left the apartment without saying goodbye to Mama. I couldn't continue to let the possibility of my brother being stuck in this predicament or even dying linger in my head. I head to do something but I wasn't sure what.
^^^
I got back to Auntie Kel's apartment at almost one in the morning. I left Mama's around eleven and the trains were delayed. When I walked in, all but the kitchen's lights were off. Jared was looking through the refrigerator for a midnight snack I assume. I didn't bother to greet him as I wasn't in the best mood after speaking with Derrick. I quietly made my way to the bathroom to prepare for a good night's sleep. I changed into shorts and an oversized t-shirt. I made sure to tie my hair up and wash the makeup off of my face. When I came out, Jared was leaning on the kitchen's granite counter drinking Corona. I didn't make much eye contact with him since I didn't know him too well. All I knew was what people told me.
"Long day?" He asked. I was hoping that he wouldn't start a conversation. Now all I could do was end it quickly.
"Yeah. I'm ready to turn in for the night." I grabbed my neatly folded blankets and fanned them out, spreading them over the couch. I felt slightly uncomfortable in his presence. What I wanted ot most was for him to leave me alone.
"Alright. If you need anything you can always talk to me." He began making his way toward the hallways leading to his and my aunt's bedroom. His comment triggered a feeling of anger in me. I couldn't help but respond.
"I'm never gonna' be one of your whores if that's what you're thinking." I fired. He turned around to reveal a grin stretched across his dark face. He was amused and it made me even angrier.
"Do you always believe what people tell you?" He questioned. He took a large gulp of his beer before folding his arms. Even his appearance made me uncomfortable. He was tall and lanky. He always wore stained wife beaters and grey or black sweatpants. Even though he didn't smell badly, he gave off the look of uncleanliness.
"No." I answered simply, wanting so badly to end the conversation. For nearly 10 seconds, he and I stared at each other. But to me it seemed as if he was looking through me and not at me. He chuckled and shook hos head before disappearing down the hallway. I let out a sigh of relief, taking my place on the couch.
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Song: 03' Adolescence by J. Cole
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Limerence | I
General Fiction"Love: the impossible combination of being IN the deep end and being OFF the deep end." - Jennifer Harrison I didn't know what love felt like and I had no intentions of finding out. I was merely infatuated with the raven haired boy. And even though...
