Limerence | I

27. A Silent Night

The wind blowing through my curls felt great. I sat with my legs folded on the roof of Xavier's building. I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like I needed to think. So, I tip toed away and left Xavier alone to sleep. The warm cup of coffee in my hand warmed up my body along with the thick blanket wrapped around my body. I thought about my first time coming up here on Xavier's birthday. It seemed like so long ago. Especially because at the time, my feelings for him were no where near the point that they are now. It was the first time that I got butterflies around him. After going home that night, I prayed that they would go away but they never did.

It was also funny to think about his relationship with Astrid. I would have never in a million years thought that it was so screwed up. They were so affectionate toward each other that sometime's it was sickening. Thy kissed each other every chance they got and I saw nothing but smiles. But I guess not everything is as it seems. Speaking of the Devil, I heard the staircase's door open. I turned to see Xavier wearing just a white v-neck t-shirt and sweatpants. He had to have been cold. "It's late. What are you doing up here?" He sat beside me with his hands in his pockets.

"Thinking." I answered simply. An amused smile stretched across his face as he raised his eyebrows. I knew exactly what he was thinking.

"On a roof in the beginning of December?"

"Yes" I laughed. He shook his head and chuckled.

"You're really are one of a kind, Panda Bear." He joked. I playfully punched him on the shoulder. We both laughed briefly. But it soon got quiet again. The sounds of the city were relaxing. Some people thought the sirens, loud chatter, and honking horns were disruptive but I could fall asleep to it every night. "Who knew we would end up here?" He spoke again.

"What do you mean?" I asked pushing a curl out of my face and behind my ear. He turned his head and stared out at the river. He hesitated, probably thinking about what he was going to say next. His chest rose and fell as he took a deep breath.

"It took me months to figure out just how much you mean to me. When we first met, I never thought I would start to fall in love with you. But when I did, I felt so guilty about it that I'd try to find any little reason to stop but I couldn't. I just kept finding things that I love about you." He stopped himself from smiling. My heart was skipping beats. It was the best feeling to know that he was falling in love with me. At first, I didn't know how to respond.

"Even when we're always fighting?" I asked quietly. So quietly, that I almost thought he didn't hear me. But he did.

"I like when you yell at me." He smiled and finally looked at me. "It shows me that you care." For a long while, he just looked at me, admiring my features. I awkwardly looked away from him and blushed. I could hear him stand up. "C'mon." He extended his hand for me to take. I didn't hesitate. We walked back inside and took the elevator down to his floor. In the elevator we were both silent but I could feel his eyes on me. When we got back to his loft, he pulled me toward his bedroom without a word. I had an idea of what he had in mind and it made me a little nervous.

He gently but passionately pressed his lips against mine. His masculine hands took hold of my waist, making my body heat up. My arms snaked around his neck, not wanting him to pull away. He swiftly picked me up and laid me gently on my back. After a few seconds, he moved his soft, full, lips to my neck, then to my collar bone. His fingers slowly lifted the hem of my Pink Floyd T-shirt. I felt the heat from his hands caress my torso. A barely noticeable moan escaped my mouth as his touch was satisfying enough. He stopped to pull his shirt over his head and let it fall on the floor. Then, he removed mine, exposing my black bra.

The pace started to pick up with the both of us growing impatient. I watched him slip off my sweatpants along with my boy shorts as I slightly lifted my lower body to assists him. My breathing started to get heavier when he pushed my legs open. By then, he was done wasting time. He very slowly entered his middle and index fingers inside of me. I closed my eyes and released a lengthy moan as he kept his pace steady. He lowered his body and used his mouth, adding to the pleasure. He flicked his tongue over my most sensitive area. The sensation was new to me.

I found my fingers tangled in his curls, tugging at the roots. It only increased his intensity. It was just a matter of time before I couldn't control my moans anymore. The feeling between my legs was becoming overwhelming and I didn't know how to handle it. He had a strong grip on my hips, keeping me from squirming away from him.

"Fuck" I moaned loud enough to fill the room. But before my body reached it's highest point of ecstasy, he pulled away. I hated him because I knew he did it on purpose to tease me. He brought his lips back to mine, and pushed his tongue past my lips. Our tongues wrestled as he reached over to the nightstand beside the bed. After opening the top drawer, he pulled out a wrapper. But suddenly, I changed my mind. Flashbacks of the night Jared raped me played through my mind. All I could see was his disgusting grin as he pinned my arms at my side and took advantage of me. And I knew Xavier would be gentle as could be but I wasn't ready yet. So, I pushed him off of me a little harder than I meant to.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" He asked, sitting up. I sat up as well but I couldn't speak. I didn't realize I was crying until he used his thumb to wipe my tears away. "If I'm ever making you uncomfortable, you can tell me." He told me. I shook my head.

"It's not you." I promised with a shaky voice. His brown eyes filled with worry but I couldn't look at them for too long. I buried my head in my hands and silent sobbed. He pulled me into him and let me cry into his bare chest. He ran his fingers through my hair, attempting to calm me.

"I'm not gonna' make you do anything, baby. I'll wait as long as you need me to." He kissed my forehead and kept quiet for the rest of the night. He and I lied down in each other's arms silently for hours until we fell asleep.

I feel like it took me forever to write this. And Happy Halloween!