Australia » a.i

XX

Please vote and comment and excuse the delay I haven't updated in a long long time. 

I usually attach a photo of Ashton but honestly I'm not in the mood I just feel like shit :(

..

I spent the rest of my weekend alone; my only company was self-pity and guilt. I couldn't talk to him without feeling a curl of resentment, and until that changes, I might not be able to talk to him at all. Bella was mad at me, so she wouldn't answer my calls until I called him.

I debated going to work at all on Monday, but then I realized I haven't been there long enough to miss a day and I'd welcome the distraction if the shop was crowded. My stomach tightened nervously when I thought of that night out of the club. I hope they wouldn't cost me my job.

I took a cab to work, purposefully going earlier than necessary. I'd avoid the crowds, avoid being late, and avoid any possible encounter with any pap. I hope they've forgotten me all together. But a part of me believes otherwise, because these people live for scandals and gossip stories.

"You're early," Jacqueline raises her brows, surprised. "Why is that?"

I smile humourlessly, "I have a feeling the mall will be very crowded today."

Jacqueline looks at me sympathetically—because of course someone like her had seen a photo of me somewhere on the internet—and smiles a little before disappearing back inside. I sigh, dropping my bag, my shoes, and take a seat on the chair as I wait for the day to fully start.

..

I took my lunch break by noon, but decided to order in. Although there was a deli in the same floor, I couldn't take the chance to head out and risk being stuck with a pap or something. Maybe I was overreacting, maybe they wouldn't follow me every day, but I was paranoid enough to prevent it from happening even if the chances were slim.

I had just polished half of my ridiculously long sandwich and was about to touch my fries when Bella came into my view, making me almost choke on my food.

"Jesus," I mutter, swallowing before I ask, "What are you doing here?"

But...she's not exactly friendly when she says, "I didn't know you were supposed to talk to costumers like that."

Ouch. "I'm sorry."

I wrap the rest of my lunch and push it away next to my bag, leaving my spot to head to the bathroom. I splash my face with some water, look into my reflection once and note the deep sadness in my eyes before leaving. I won't lie to myself; I wish I were with him last night. Maybe he could soothe my fears and make me forget about everything but him. But us.

As if on cue, my phone buzzes with a new text and I fetch it out, going back behind the cashier before I check it out.

I want to see you.

It says nothing more. No smiley faces, no hopeful words whatsoever, and it makes my stomach tighten in worry. Had he felt too upset about yesterday and now he wanted nothing to do with me?

I feel tears burning my eyes when I type my reply with shaking hands. Okay. Where and when?

The reply is instant. Don't worry about it. I'll have someone pick you up after work. Leave from the back, like last time.

I don't bother with a reply, instead pushing my phone in my pocket and trying to control my emotion.

Bella slides her gift card to me, avoiding my eyes and placing her purchases on the wide counter. I already feel like shit, so her attitude makes my stomach tighten even worse with worry and guilt. I put her purchases in a bag for her, while trying not to cry like a little girl in the middle of the shop. She seems oblivious to it, or maybe she's ignoring it on purpose.