North (A Robert Downey Jr Fanfic)

"Demons"

"Vanessa, it's up to you now. I know that you'll take care of Chip's--maybe even better than I,"
Vanessa was stationed next to the hospital bed of her elderly friend. Dorothy had fallen ill with pneumonia and wasn't given much time left to live. She'd been placed in hospice care and Vanessa spent every waking moment at her side.

She was the first kind face she'd met once she made it to the Lodge and felt like an adopted mother to Vanessa. Dorothy had taken her in and offered her and her daughter sanctuary in exchange for assistance at the Lodge. As time went by, Vanessa did more and more and Dorothy simply remained a fixture at the resort. She was the one that everyone knew and trusted and Vanessa strived to hold herself up to her standard. Dorothy had taught Vanessa that there was kindness and love out there and that the world wasn't all bad.

"Dorothy, everything is going to be ok," tears streaked her face as she tried to comfort her friend in her final moments. She was tired of saying goodbye to the people she loved.
"Of course it's going to be ok, you're in charge now. Everything will be more than ok," Dorothy reached for Vanessa's hand and gave it as much of a squeeze as she could manage.

"D, remember the day you taught me how to make your salsa?"
"You blew up that damn pressure cooker! There's probably still tomato on the ceiling."
Vanessa laughed through her tears and Dorothy spoke again.
"I love you Nessie. Take care of that baby girl--take care of Chip's. I need to go now--need to go see my sailor," she said in a tiny voice and closed her eyes forever. Vanessa clung to Dorothy's hand and cried, her tears absorbed by the hospital blanket that covered yet another person she couldn't stand the thought of losing.

Two days after her passing, she pulled her car into the drive by Dorothy's cabin. She paused and looked out over the grounds, the grounds that had just become hers. The bright summer sun twinkled on the surface of the lake and while the day should have been rejuvenating, it was upsetting and over stimulating.

"Come on old girl," she said as she picked up the small container that held Dorothy's ashes. She crossed the yard to the largest outbuilding that held all of the tools, snowblower and lawn care equipment. She went to the back corner of the building and pulled open the trap door that led to an underground cellar, a storm cellar that nobody knew about.

"This was me Dorothy. I'm sorry I didn't share this with you before--I should have," she whispered as she sat down on the dirt floor, placing the urn next to her. She lifted the lid off of the plastic bin that contained her former self. She picked up a picture of herself, Tyler and their daughter on the day she was born. Tears pricked her eyes and she just let them fall. She felt a wave of loneliness wash over her again, the same one that threatened to drown her when she'd left California.

Every so often she went down there to check on her box of secret stuff and to revisit the life that they had before. She'd hidden her old drivers license and birth certificate and Penny's too. What little remnants she had left of her former life were in that cellar, all wrapped up and stowed away from prying eyes. She would never, could never get rid of it. She simply kept it hidden away, in hopes that one day she'd share the memories with her daughter when she was old enough to understand.

***

"Robert is coming over for dinner, just so you know."
"Mom. You just had dinner with him two days ago."
"And we're going to tonight as well. So there."
"You like him don't you? Like like him."
Vanessa's cheeks flushed and her daughter laughed at her expense.
"You're too perceptive, Pen. Are you sure you're only twelve?"
"Almost thirteen."
"Don't remind me--" she was cut off by her cell phone ringing. A slight feeling of irritation nipped at her as she saw Dawn's name pop up on the screen.
"Hello?"
"Hi Vanessa. Just a quick question for you. We were wondering if Penny would like to come stay with us for a bit, after the Fourth of July parade?"
"What do you mean by a bit?"
"Well that's up to you. I know the girls are desperate to see eachother and the carnival will be going on. Taylor would love to have Penny around for that."
"I'm sure Penny would love that. We'll talk about it and I'll let you know. Ok. Bye Dawn."

"What did she want?" Penny had sidled up next to Vanessa and put on her most innocent face.
"Taylor wants to have you come stay with them after the parade."
Her daughter squealed with excitement and clapped her hands.
"Can I Mom? Can I? Can I--"

Knock Knock

"Pen, go let him in. I still have to change."
Penny huffed and spun around to go downstairs to answer the door.
"Hi Penny. These are for you," Robert said and produced a bouquet of flowers for her.
"For--me?"
"Yes. I appreciate you sharing your Mom with me. I'm glad I've gotten the chance to know her."
"Um--thank you," she said cautiously and it sounded more like a question.

"Good evening--" she froze at the bottom of the stairs.
"Robert gave me these," Penny was beaming.
"You got her a bouquet of Daisies?" Vanessa whispered, visibly shaken.
"Yeah. I saw them and they just reminded me of her, I hope that's ok," he smiled at Penny and she grinned right back. He'd won her over.
"Y--yes. Of course it's ok," her daughter's former name ran circles in her head. Daisy. Daisy. The fact that he chose that flower, even if it was a common one, shocked her; it knocked the wind right out of her lungs.

"I'm going to put these in my room," Penny exclaimed and bolted up the stairs.
"That was very sweet of you," Vanessa said.
"You look kind of freaked out, is everything alright?" he asked, pulling her into his arms for a hug. He smelled familiar, like California; it was as if he'd packaged up the sun and sand and carried it with him on his shirtsleeves.
"Everything is great," she buried her face in his shoulder before he could see the single tear that had escaped. She so desperately wanted to tear down all of her walls and stop hiding. She missed her old life, she missed the California sun. She missed Stevie and her ocean-side home.

He put her out at arms-length and examined her face. Something was amiss but he didn't want to pry. He decided to kiss her instead. He tilted her chin towards his face and softly kissed her lips. He'd noticed a glassy sheen on her eyes and knew something was upsetting her again.

"Would you like to take a walk?"
"Yeah, I would," she said and went to the stairs and called up to her daughter to let her know she was leaving for a moment.

They left the Big Cabin and walked off of the property using one of many hiking trails she'd made by herself over the years. The heat had spiked considerably but the breeze was strong enough to keep the temperature and humidity from feeling insufferable. The air was alive with the droning cicadas and a constant hiss of wind through the trees. The familiarity of her surroundings comforted her and made the ache for her former home wane just slightly.

Robert stepped in front of her on the path, stopping her in her tracks.
"Vanessa--"
"Robert?"
"Will you talk to me?"
"What do you want to talk about?" She replied, nonchalantly.
He cocked his head and pressed his mouth in a hard line in an attempt to show her he could see right through her put-on tone.

"Your screaming at night? The way you become stricken with sad-face every so often? How about when I gave your daughter flowers and it made you cry? That's what I want to talk about. If you're sad, tell me. We can talk about it."
"Can we?" She gave him an incredulous look. "Can I just unload all of my life's demons on you and you'll make it all better? You think you've got the power to fix it all?"
"I can try."
"You could say I have trust issues. They're issues of the highest order, Robert. I know I have a tough shell--but it's there for a reason. I just don't know how to take it off."
Her bottom lip quivered and instinctively her hands moved to cover her face. His heart squeezed and he pulled her to him once again and let her cry.

"Vanessa, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I pushed it too far. When you're ready, I want to know you. I want to know everything about you."