The Devil In I

6. Don't Apologize

8:00am.
The next day
Ricky's POV

The all too familiar feelings of a failed suicide attempt. Blinding florescent lights, constant heart monitor beeps, the feeling of having slept for hours but having no rest, and disappointment.
But a new feeling too. The feeling of fingers interlocked with mine, and the presence of someone next to me, waiting for me to open my eyes again.

But before I can, there's an uneasy feeling.
Because I know it's Ryan. And I know I'm going to have to talk to him about it.
And there's the itchy bandages around my arms that I immediately want to take off.

Oh well. Time to face Ryan anyways.

8:02am.
Ryan's POV

Ricky's grip on my hand tightens and I look up to see he's awake.

"Ricky," I smiled. "Morning, sleepy."

He just chuckled quietly and smiled.
But the smile didn't last long.

"Ryan," He sighed. "I'm sorry. I -- ... It was stupid. I haven't tried something like this for almost eight years and I fucked up."

"Ricky, it's okay." I said. "I'm sorry. For leaving you in your given condition a few nights ago."

"And I do care, Ryan." He said. "I do care that you worry about me and love me. I just... I don't know why I said it. I'm sorry."

"Hey don't apologize. It's not your fault." I said.

"And you can't apologize either because it wasn't your fault." He said.

"...Okay. Hey, I love you." I said, leaning forward and kissing him quickly.

"I love you too."

6:00pm.
Ricky's POV

"Hey, before we step back onto the bus," Ryan said. "Just thought I should tell you, so you're not surprised or anything, Balz met Ryan-Ashley a couple days ago at the airport and so she's going to be with us for the rest of the tour."

"Okay," I nodded.

When we entered the bus, suddenly the entire band crowded around me to greet me and tell me "I'm so glad you're okay," and hug me.
But honestly, I wanted it to stop. I was lightheaded and could barely stay balanced on my own two feet and I just wanted to get some sleep.

Eventually everyone backed off and I guess Ryan could tell how I was feeling so he lead me back to my bunk.
I slid into my bunk and Ryan followed.

I laid my head on his chest and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too, Ricky." He replied. "You know..I hate it when you're sad and I can't help you. I care about you. A lot. And I'd do anything in my power to help you."

"...I know. And that's very sweet. And... I regret what I did. I could've died and I don't want you to live with that, and I don't want you thinking it was your fault." I said.

There was a brief moment of silence.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Ricky." Ryan said. "No one else could make me happy after almost six years of being together like you could."

"And you've helped me through so much, Ryan." I said.

"Do you want to get married?"

"..." It seemed so sudden. But...

"Yes. I'll marry you, Ryan Sitkowski."