Touch - Phan

Chapter 5

Phil's POV

The first day home was hard enough, but the week after was devastating. Dan had to finish editing the gaming video himself and post it. He read some Tweets to me too about how the fans hope I'm okay. I didn't really want that kind of attention.

I was sat on the sofa with Dan. He was watching anime,and I was having a hard time picturing what was going on. He offered to turn it off, but I said it was fine and that I enjoyed the noise. Noise had become the best thing for me - any kind of noise. It gave me some feeling that I still existed, only I was in a lonely world of darkness.

Dan had been amazing throughout it, however. I became scared of sleeping alone, so he stays with me. He's helped me get clothes and make food, and has also been Tweeting for me to try and stay updated. He's read all of the Tweets I've been tagged in lately from our other YouTube friends telling me they're sorry for what happened and they wish me the best. It was nice to have support, but I also felt like I didn't deserve it. I really didn't do anything. A lot of them were apparently saying to "stay strong," which is a lot easier said than done.

I hated using the cane. I did try, but it felt inhuman.I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere with it. Dan suggested getting a guide dog, but I don't think that's the best idea, since we can barely take care of ourselves and our apartment wasn't fit for a dog. He also disregarded the idea when he found that there weren't any shiba inus for guide dogs, but I think he only said that to make me laugh. If he did, he did a good job.

Instead, Dan has helped me around. I loved staying so close to him. I liked the physical contact with him. He made me feel safer. I didn't know what I'd do without him. I always thought of him as a best friend, but now that I needed him so close and he's been so loving, I've been tempted to show my gratitude by being more affectionate. I hugged him more often, like before bed or when I had to thank him for helping me do something. He probably thought it was just my new anxiety problem, but really I just wanted his arms around me. I've never felt more loved or safer in my life. I liked holding his hand or arm when trying to get around. I would want him to kiss me, but I had to assure myself that I was just overly grateful. I didn't have feelings for Dan. I couldn't, right? It's just a bad situation that caused me to think differently.

"Dan," I said after being quiet for sometime. I felt so bad for making him do so much for me. I decided I didn't like making him work more than he had to. "Can you help me with something?"

"Of course! What is it?"

"Could you... help me set up for a video? I think I should tell the fans what's going on personally now."

"Absolutely," he agreed, and lead me to my room, where he set up the camera and stood behind it. "Ready?"he asked when everything was set up.

"Yes."

"Let me know when to turn it in."

"Now."

He clicked the record button. "Okay, you're good."

My usual video-making voice perked up. "Hey guys! So this is kind of a serious video today. I know it's been so long but it's because, as some of you on Twitter have probably heard, I got into a little accident. I was kind of hit by a bus.

"I don't know how it happened! I was just walking across the street and it came and hit me! I didn't break any bones, which is kind of a miracle, but one little problem did happen...." My voice dipped into a more serious tone. "I've lost my sight. Yes, I'm completely, one hundred percent blind. In fact, I needed Dan to set up the camera for me or I wouldn't be making this. Dan's actually been like my guide for the past week and I feel bad about making him do so much. So yeah, if I'm not making eye contact with the camera right now like I usually do, it's because I don't exactly know where the camera... is.