Touch - Phan

Chapter 12

Phil's POV

Dan was helping me with the braille again the next day. He passed me tile after tile until he was sure I knew the whole alphabet. He began writing words for me. I could spell simple words that people would give to five year olds, like "apple" and "cat" or "dog." Dan tried giving me more words and small sentences, getting me much more fluent.

"I... M..." I said aloud, spelling what I felt on the tiles. "H... A... L? "

"No, try again."

"Is it P?"

"Yep."

"Okay, okay. So I-M-H-A-P... another P... Y, right?"

"Yep."

"'I'm happy?'"

"Yeah! You're doing great! Want another?"

"Sure! This is fun!"

"Is it?" he asked, rearranging the tiles.

"I like it. It feels good, like I'm accomplishing something."

"Here, try this one," he said, taking and lowering my fingers to the board.

I felt around the first bumps, then the next. I tried to make this one more fluent and quicker. "U-R... I-M-P-O-R..."

"It's okay," Dan assured. "You can go slow."

I smiled. "Um, T?"

"Yep."

"A-M..."

"No, not M."

"Which is this?"

"N."

"Oh, N... T." I redid them quickly to recap. "So, is it U-R, you're... I-M-P-O-R... important?"

"There you go!" Dan applauded.

His encouragement and patience was what gave me hope. Without it, I would have given up a long time ago. It was Dan that was "important" here, not me.

"You're doing awesome, Phil. You're getting the bigger words now, too."

"We've been practicing for... how long?" I asked.

"Wow, it's been an hour and a half. I'm impressed!"

"Could we take a break?" I asked. "I'm kind of hungry."

He was hesitant, and didn't answer immediately. He took a nervous breath, which made me concerned. "Sure, but," he paused, "can we just do one more? This one's kind of important."

"Alright, then."

As the tiles clicked around in the case, I imagined what he would want to tell me. "Here," he said, again guiding my fingers to the first tile. "This is something more serious."

"Oh, okay." I touched the first tile, deciding to take this one slower to be sure I understood. "I... L... O... V..." My heart pumped and I stopped, but continued nervously, touching the tiles without saying them aloud. E... Y... O.... I stopped at the last one. U. I went back to the beginning and touched them all again. I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U.

"Dan?" I said. He was so silent that I didn't even know if he was still there.

"Y-yes?"

I had to be sure. "Did... did you spell this right?"

"Why? What does it say?"

I laughed anxiously. "Haha... I-I think it says 'I love you.'"

"Then... yes, it's right."

My eyes widened simply in shock. I didn't know what to say. My eyes watered. "Dan... is this... true?"

He put his hand on mine. "Yes, Phil."

I cried. I let the tears spill out and down my face. I didn't know if I was smiling or not, because I couldn't control my breaths. "You... love me?"

"I do." He was sounding more confident now.

I didn't know what to do. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to tell him I loved him, I wanted to just hug him, but I froze up. I couldn't move. "Dan..." I tried to think of something to say. I wanted to look at him so badly, but there was no magic love that can bring back sight. I couldn't come up with anything better than "Why?"

"Why? Why do I love you?"

I touched the top of his hand. He was warm.

"Phil," he said. "I always have."

"What?"

"Really. I just... never realized it. You're the most important person in my life. I love helping you and feeling like I can come close to matching all you've done for me."

"Why would you love someone so helpless? What's the point of loving a blind person?" I said sadly and confused. "Or is it because I'm blind?"

"Phil," he said seriously. "I don't care if you're blind or not. Being able to see doesn't change anything. Honestly, I would have still fallen in love with you, even if you weren't."

"Dan...."

"You don't have to speak," he said kindly, noticing my difficult time trying to create words.

So I didn't speak. I lifted my hands up and touched his shoulders, then his chin. I knew where he was. I pulled him close, and I kissed him. He didn't seem shocked, just taken by it. His hands made their way to my sides.

"I love you, Dan."

Dan's POV

He was such a good kisser.

As Phil held my chin and pulled me close to him, pressing his lips to mine, my eyes fell shut.

"I love you, Dan," he repeated. "I love you."

"I love you, Phil." He started to cry. I wiped the tears on his face, and his breath was tremendously heavy. "Phil, please don't cry. What's wrong?"

"I... just... want to... see you," he said with difficulty.

I hugged him tightly. "I know."

"You're so beautiful, Dan," he huffed. "It's not fair."

He was in pain. I almost cried, but he's been so strong for me that it was my turn to be there for him. He dug his scared fingers into my back. I was worried he'd begin to shake again, but he didn't. He just cried into my shoulder. I kissed his cheek.

I sighed, wishing I could say something to make it better. "You're beautiful, Phil. I hope you know that."

He lifted his head, and settled it back down to lay on me.

"We'll get through this."

He sniffed. "I know."

I took his hand with one of mine, and placed my other hand on his back to hold him. "I love you."

"I love you too. So much. You're the most amazing person in the world."

I smiled.

"And I need you so much."

"Believe it or not, I need you too. More than you know. You've done so much for me that it's an honor to be there for you."

He giggled a little. "I just want to be with you."

I gripped his hand, turning my fingers to lace with his. "Okay."

I kissed him again. I wanted him to feel how much I loved him.