Codename: WILD

Chapter Three

(Btw Mathew (tyler) doesn't wear glasses at all in this story)

Mathew's point of view

Earlier, we stopped by a local drug-store to buy some women's brown hair dye and some other essential items. And now we're at a motel, dyeing my hair brown. This is just how I wanted to spend my mission, you know, ruining my fucking hair. I paid a lot of money to keep it blonde for so long. But a mission is a mission.

"Hold still!" Ethan groaned, adding more of the brown, foamy substance to my hair.

"You try getting your hair ruined.." I grumbled, sitting up straighter.

"Well, I've had jet black hair for the last year. How much worse could it possibly get?" He says, massaging the product into my scalp.

"It could be pink," I shrugged, looking him in the eyes in the mirror in front of us. "True." He muttered, continuing his job.

"Say, what am I being forced to wear for this particular mission?" I reach for the paper bag on the floor, flinching when Ethan slapped my hand away from it. "It's a surprise." He pulled the paper bag closer to him using his foot.

"That bad, huh?" I let out a long sigh, dreading what's to come next. "Depends on how you look at the situation." I allow my thoughts to drift to Troye. I wonder how he'll react to seeing me again. I wonder if he'll remember me.. It'll really hurt if he doesn't. We've been through so much together.

"Troye, where the fuck do you think you're going?" I run out of my car, catching him just as he enters the Austin airport, heading for the boarding gate to Australia. "I can't stay. I'm sorry, Matt." He drops his bags on the ground as he walks closer to me. He tightly wrapped his arms around me, nuzzling his head in the crook of my neck.

"W-What do you mean you can't stay?" I mumble, feeling tears prick at my eyes. He rubs my back, trying to calm me down. I knew that he was planning on leaving the agency, but I didn't think he'd be leaving so abruptly. And after all we've been through, he wasn't even planning on saying goodbye to me. How could he?

"It's too dangerous, Tilly. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not saying goodbye to you earlier, but I-I just couldn't do it." He gripped me tighter. And that's when I felt the warm liquid fall to my neck. He's crying.

"What's too dangerous, Troye? I-I thought that maybe we'd finally have a shot at b-being together.." I too begin to cry, clutching onto the fabric of his flannel.

"So did I, Matt. So did I. But this whole business- being an agent is just too much for me to take. Four years I've been in the business, Matt. Four years. It's all too much, the gunshot wounds, the stab wounds, the emotional wreckage.. You nearly died last month on our mission in Dallas, and it was all my fault.." By now he was violently sobbing into my neck and shoulder, arms holding me secure as I fell apart.

"But I didn't, Troye. I'm still here. We could p-pack up and move somewhere safe together. We could live happily together if you just don't leave. Please don't leave me, Troye. P-P-Please." If not for his iron grip on me, I'd be writhing around on the floor, in pain from my heartbreak. "Please."

"I'm sorry." He pulled me impossibly closer, one hand caressing my back of my head and neck, the other on the small of my back. "I love you." He kissed the side of my neck ever so slightly. I pulled out of his warm embrace to stare at him incredulously.

"No, Troye Sivan. D-Don't you d-dare tell me that when y-you're l-leaving m-m-me!" I choke on my tears, my lips trembling as I glare straight into his ocean blue eyes. He smiled sadly, wrapping an arm around my waist, the other lightly caressing my cheek.

"I love you so fucking much, Mathew." And with that he kissed me. My hand flew up to where his rested on my cheek, just holding it in place. I wanted to prolong this moment for as long as I possibly could. But it all ended when he pulled away. He looked into my eyes as if waiting for me to say it back. I stayed silent, watching as he picked his bags off the floor and walked away from me. With his head hung low, he began heading towards his gate.

"Wait!" I called out to him. He turned around, looking at me with hopeful eyes. I stupidly decided not to say it back, instead saying something really stupid. "Don't forget about me." He slowly shook his head from side-to-side, tears still streaming down his angelic face.

"How could I?" He mouthed, looking me from top to bottom as if trying to permanently brand the image of me into his memory. And maybe he was.

He turned back to the entrance of his gate, handing his boarding pass to the Stewardess.

I watched as he stepped through the door with at least a hundred people in front and behind him. I waved goodbye to his back, whispering my last words to him, "I love you too, Troye."

And with that, I had a meltdown on the floor of an airport. He told me he loved me and I didn't have the heart- no, the guts to say it back. Now he'll spend the rest of his life wondering why I never said it back even though the way I felt for him was pretty obvious from the beginning. Even our targets used me as bait to ruin him. They knew, everyone knew, but we were too blind- too stupid to do anything about it until now.

I should've known better, that boy just doesn't keep love around.

"Am I gonna look like a tourist?" I manage to suppress the tears, putting on a neutral facade. Ethan caught on but decided not to mention it.

"Yep, pretty much." He smiled sadly at me in the mirror. He can read me like an open book. It's both annoying, and comforting at the same time.

"This stuff has to stay in your hair for the next hour. I'm thinking of ordering some sushi, what do you think?" I think back to how Troye and I used to have sushi together after successfully completing a mission.

"No, I'm good." I shake my head, feeling tears well up in my eyes. I haven't even touched sushi since he left me. I couldn't bare the thought of eating it without him present. It just wouldn't be fair to him, not after all that we've been through and after what I did to him. Or rather what I didn't do.

I'm sure he's forgotten all about me by now. He probably doesn't even love me anymore, so there's no use in pining after him. I haven't let another man do so much as to kiss me since he left- it's been six years. I need to grow up and move on before I hurt myself even more than I already have. For gods sake, I stabbed myself when Ethan was driving us here! And it's all because I couldn't bare the thought of Troye moving on.

"My bad, I'll order a pizza instead. Hawaiian style, right?" I freeze, looking down at my lap. "No," I mumble. "Just cheese." That was another one of mine and Troye's traditions. I wouldn't want to disrespect him. I've done enough of that already.

"Sure thing, Matt." Ethan finished up, throwing the hair dye box and dirty gloves away. He then pulled out his phone to order the pizza for us.

I'm just gonna have to sit here for the next hour and try not to cry. I'd say that I've gotten pretty good at it over the years.

~

A/N

Awh, more insight on how Matt (Ty) feels about Troyeboy. Tbh the flashback made me cry a lot.. Like I seriously cried like a little whiny bitch.. Whatever. I'll see you babes soon.. I need to update SW and ITT.. And the roommate.. I'm fucked. But I can do it if I push myself hard enough!

Bye|Rachel.

Twitter|@Troylerflamingo