Cracking Zeenath

August 24th, 2015

    August 24th, 2015 

       I spent most of my time inside today. Woke up early and took a walk around the park, listening to music. I felt so content for a while. The birds were chirping, the wind was nice and cool...I loved how the day started. 

     In my contentment, I almost walked back into Anna's Coffee without thinking. I walked up and put my hand against the door before what happened a few days ago came back to me. Through the clear glass, I saw the same group of people sitting around the table where I usually sat. That's when my strength and resolve left me. I couldn't get myself to open the door.

 I wasn't going to get coffee today. 

     I backed away from the door and turned back around. I needed to go anywhere but here. This wasn't what I needed this early in the morning. I needed to go anywhere. Anywhere but here. I needed to take my mind off things. 

And maybe find a different coffee shop while I'm at it. 

Lost in my thoughts, I almost bumped into a girl trying to enter the building. 

"Oh, oops. Sorry," she said, clearly surprised at my sudden turn, apologizing though it wasn't her fault. 

      I ducked my head. "Sorry," I murmured. I needed to leave before my mind wandered back to places it didn't belong. 

      I closed my eyes and shook my head. I'm being stupid. I needed to get over this. I started walking faster, the summer wind heavy and thick around me. 

What's wrong with me? 

I can't do this anymore. 

      Once I reached the park again, I broke out into a run down my favorite running path and tried to focus on my breathing instead of my thoughts. My breathing got faster steadily and my feet pounded against the pavement. My footsteps were a series of staunch, final thumps against the world. I could feel my blood running through my legs as I pushed myself to go as fast as I could go. I needed to run. I passed mothers pushing babies in their strollers and other joggers until I abruptly turned off into the forest. This is it. I need this.  I kept running, ignoring the throbbing in my head and the pain in my feet. I should've worn better shoes. 

      I passed trees and low bushes that snagged against my skin as I kept running. I winced as a branch put an especially painful scratch in my skin. I'd probably have to look at that one when I got home. 

"Look who's talking!"  

The forest was going to get thinner in the next few months. I could already see hints of dull brown on the edges of the leaves hidden under the foliage. 

      Up ahead, I saw the clearing I was looking for and slowed down, breathing hard. I shut my eyes waiting for my breath to steady.

 "Evelyn! No! Please, Evelyn! Wake up!"

My eyes burst open and my stomach twisted in pain as I choked on air again. 

      I felt the rivulets of sweat running down my back as I bent over coughing, hands on my knees as I looked at the tree.

      It was that oak tree that did it for me. This was why I could continue to try and move on. I happened to find it a few months ago on one of my crazy walks through the forest, and it was secluded enough from everyone else that I could spend hours without anyone around. It reminded me of my little cliff back home. No one knew about it. This is where I went to lose my mind, and find myself. 

      I wiped the sweat off my face with the back of my arm and slowly staggered over to the base of the tree before slumping down against it. Here. I could be safe here. 

     My breath slowed gradually and I stared up through the branches. There was a tiny nest of birds I'd been watching for a while now. Looked like there were five eggs in the nest, with the mother hovering busily around it, protecting it from the world, waiting for her babies to hatch. 

      I allowed myself a tiny smile. Babies were cute. Still smiling, I plugged my headphones back in my ears and let the sounds of pianos and violins flood into my head as I closed my eyes. Yeah. This was it. I could allow myself this little time out before I went back into the cold world again. 

~Zeenath.  

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I'd love to know what you think of the story so far!

~October