Cracking Zeenath

To Nick: Fireflies

"There's a firefly, loose tonight,

Better catch it before it burns this place down"

~Ed Sheeran, "Firefly"

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To Nick.

       I can still remember when I first met you. It was the first day of school. First-grade. I had just walked into the classroom with Evelyn, who wouldn't let me hold her hand because we were big kids now. So I stood close to her and followed her around the classroom, always just about to reach my hand out to find hers before remembering and letting it fall back down again. I kept fidgeting with my backpack straps in an effort to not hold Evelyn's hand.

Our teacher was kind though. Mrs. James. She let us sit near each other, and I turned, relieved, to go sit down next to Evelyn, my only friend. But there was one thing in the way.

You.

      You came out of the blue and plopped yourself down between me and her and I stared at you, wide-eyed, wondering how I'd ever get to talk to Evelyn again. I couldn't, not if you were sitting between us. Not that you noticed. But what's new, right? You, as a rule, tended not to notice me.

      You just placed a crayon on your desk and, as I stared at you, kept right on watching your little yellow crayon as you blew on it to keep it from rolling off the desk. Here I was, watching you like you were the only thing keeping me from my buddy, and you sat there blowing on a yellow crayon.

      I remember staring at you so hard my eyes hurt. I wanted to ask you if we could switch seats. I timidly tried clearing my throat a couple times. Then I decided you probably would just keep playing and not look at me anyway. I looked away and sat down, staring hard at my desk instead. There were tears on the edges of my eyes, but I wasn't going to cry. I told mommy I wouldn't cry. So I tried not to. But it was terrifying. I was, in a matter of a couple of seconds, separated from Evelyn and had never felt so alone.

     Evelyn was having the time of her life though. She looked over at me and grinned. "Look, we're still near each other! It's okay," she said. Then she turned around and started talking to everyone else around her.

You kept blowing on your little crayon.

      Eventually, we became friends. Eventually. But you were still more talkative around Evelyn than you were around me. The two of you got along really well, and I remember worrying that I was going to lose her to you.

That was dumb though. I never lost her to you. She stayed by my side until she couldn't.

Then we both lost her.

      I remember you came over that evening to my house. Your family had just moved in down the street, and had brought along their two sons to say hello. I saw Noel first. I remember thinking that I'd never seen such bright eyes. They twinkled with mischief; humor and kindness ebbed and flowed behind his pupils. I decided I liked him on the spot. He grinned at me first, before walking over and saying hi. He introduced you to me as well. "This is Nick," was all he said.

You nodded at me. "I know. She sits next to me in school." Then you fiddled with the toy in your hands, obviously still not interested in becoming my friend.

      As we grew older, we started getting along, as Noel kept bringing you along every time he decided to come over to play with me and Evelyn. You became more outgoing, and fooled around more. You laughed more. You talked more. Everything about you was opening up, and it was amazing. You started to pull me out of my shyness as well. It was like you shined a light on me every time you played another prank or laughed that laugh of yours, pulling me a bit further out of my shadowy corner. You and Noel were brothers, but while his laugh was like rich, hot coffee, yours was light, breezy, and slightly rough, like sandpaper. And we grew older.