"Ahhh," I groaned in agony.
I was crouched over the toilet, emptying the contents of my stomach into it. My head spun and my stomach heaved. I pulled myself up again and dark liquid poured like a fountain from my mouth. The sight and smell disgusted me, making me vomit again and again. There was no stopping it. It had been nearly ten minutes since I had dropped the pregnancy test and practically immediately lunged for the toilet. From the moment I had read that small, supposedly inoffensive word, I had been vomiting into the basin, a frantic Austin hovering over me.
"Shh, it's alright love. It'll be okay."
I shook my head and dislodged what little bit I had left inside my stomach. That is what had me feeling so horrible. It wouldn't be alright. Nothing would ever be alright. Didn't he understand? Pain and strife followed me everywhere I went. That's why my last baby died. That's why my mother and sister died. It's why my whole life has just been a series of unfortunate events, one after another. Every time I think something good is going to happen, everything just turns to hell. Every time I experienced a moment of happiness, something inevitably came along to ruin it. It was the story of my life.
Nothing good would come of this pregnancy.
I would probably lose this baby, too. I knew I would. Or something bad would happen to it; or me. That was the way it had to go. Something horrible always had to happen. I had actually come to expect it, if not accept it. What was going to happen next? This question had my stomach churning all over again. My sole anxiety; the main reason for my grief. What was going to happen to my baby? I couldn't handle losing it again. I can't handle being responsible for the bad things that would happen to it. Because bad things would happen to it; because I was its mother.
"It won't be alright," I sobbed, still leaning over the horrid-smelling toilet. "It won't be alright!"
Austin let go of my hair that he had been holding and pulled me into his chest. His cold hand rested on my forehead and it felt good against my sweaty, clammy skin. "Of course it will, love."
Austin's free hand rubbed soothing circles into my back, but it did nothing to calm me. He hadn't realized it, yet. He hadn't seen that pattern my life seemed to be following. Nothing was ever alright where I was concerned.
"No, it won't. Don't you see?!" I yelled, startling him apparently, because he froze under me. "Nothing is EVER alright with me. Everything is always WRONG! If you think that this baby is going to come out of me without any complications, then you better think again, because-." But I never got to finish, because I was abruptly pulled to my feet, my back against a wall.
"Don't you ever think like that!" Austin growled at me. His expression was black; it shocked me. I pressed myself tightly against the wall, frightened by his bared fangs. "Did you ever think that bad things happen to you, because you believe that they will? That you expect them? It makes you so much more vulnerable then you have to be, Carmen! Fight back!"
"Fight back?!" I screamed in disbelief. "Do you want to know what happened last time I tried to fight back? I wound up with two broken arms, that's what! I couldn't sleep on my back for a month. I tried fighting back, and that almost got me killed! And do you honestly think that there is any way I could fight off a vampire? Do you?! That only manages to piss ya'll off more! So don't scream at me about fighting back! I do what I can to keep myself alive. I'm sorry if you think I'm weak or a wimp, but there's just nothing I can do about that! If you think I'm so vulnerable, then why don't you just change me into a vampire already, and get it over with?!" I yelled, surprising us both.
I actually hadn't thought of that much. With all that has happened lately, I hadn't had much time. But now that I think of it, I wonder why I hadn't thought of it before. If I was a vampire, that could solve all of my problems. Well, most of them, at least. I would be stronger. I would be able to stand up for myself, and my baby. I could stay with Austin forever, if that's what he wanted. Neither of us would ever grow old. We could get married and have a family and live forever, together. We would be one in the same, both creatures of the night.
