Last Fall

"Do you think we'll ever get back to where we were?" Through cracked lips I breathed hot air into my hands then stuffed them in my pockets, reminiscing on a time when her own would've kept mine warm for me. Her calloused fingertips pressed against the back of my hand. The same ones that used to trace my spine as I slept. The same hands that once held my jaw as she kissed me. It all seemed so far away, but she was so close.

"We're different people now, you and I." There was an edge to her tone, cold and distant, two things that she was not. Atleast not with me. Not then.

I didn't look at her. I hated the words she said and I hated the look she wore as she said them, but most of all I hated that she said them as if she believed them.

"Bullshit." I whispered harshly. "You're still you and I'm still me."

"The latter is a lie." She let out a bitter laugh and I had never wanted to slap her more.

"Look at yourself right now." She cut me off before I could even begin to defend myself.

"If people could look at themselves, then mirrors wouldn't exist." I shot back.

"Go look in one then." She rolled her eyes with a heavy sigh. Always a penchant for the dramatic.

"I look fine."

"No, you look like you haven't showered in sixty years." See? Dramatic.

"Why are you even here?" Blunt, but I didn't care. The filter between my brain and my mouth broke halfway through my first bottle.

"You called me."

"So? I call you alot. How is this time different?" I could've found my answers in her eyes, but I didn't dare look. Instead I glanced out onto the dark water and wondered how my plans went so wrong.

"It's October twelfth."

The meaning behind her words didn't register immediately, but when they did, I lost it. I hadn't realized the date and now that I had reality was crushing me. I didn't want to taste the salty tears, I didn't want hear my damn pathetic sniffling and I didn't want to feel the pounding in my head. I wanted to taste the amber liquid as it slid down my throat, I wanted to hear the glass shatter as I threw it against the tile floor and I wanted to feel my throat burn as I took another drag.

I felt her arms encase me as we layed against the stone like we had many times before, only this time there was no sun, no gentle breeze, just the clouds and the rain and the sand in my tangled hair. I remembered how her lips would brush against my ear as she sang sweet melodies to me. I remembered the way I held her shirt in my fists, as if it would keep her from ever leaving. I remembered the way we would kick our feet together like little kids. I also remember the fights and the screaming and the holes in the kitchen walls. I remembered her packing and me telling her to go. I remembered her begging me to let her stay, to let her help me.

I remembered her leaving.

I remembered everything and all I wanted to do was forget.

The last thing I saw before everything went black was the tattoo on her hip, the one I had as well, visible where her pants had lowered and her sweater had ridden up.

You know we fell in the fall