Last Fall

Circles

They say that you can tell
The most about somebody else when the dark cloud reveal themselves and all your big plans get rained out
I don't want to take a step back
I don't want to retrace old paths
But I know that I need you here
And there's hope that the skies can clear
And I don't want to watch you fall
But I don't want to go down with it all
So keep your head up and hand in my hand
Won't you get up and take the last stand

St. Patrick

I sighed and stood infront of my bathroom sink. I splashed water on my face with one hand and held my towel in the other. My limbs felt heavy and my eyes stung. I had been up for three days now. I wanted to rest but I was scared to fall asleep, for what awaited me was far worse than the shit in my head when I wasn't sleeping.

I walked out, flicking the light off as I went and sat on my bed. I hummed an idea that had been stuck in my ear lately to take my mind off things. I'd written it on St. Patrick's day, a week prior to now. With a groan, I stood up again to go over to my desk. I needed paper and a writing utensil. Then I plopped back down and wrote. It didn't take long to realize who the subject of my writing was. She gave me something to think about.

Transparent hands are at my neck
Oh but I love the way you let me breathe instead
I know it's chemicals that make me cling to you
And I'd need a miracle to get away from you
I'm not spiritual, but please stay
Cause I think you're a saint

"That's a start." I said to myself and set my pen down when I couldn't think of anything else. No longer having to scroll through my contacts, I dialed a number I had now memorized.

"I miss you." I pouted as soon as she picked up. I had called her five hours earlier to complain about missing her, but now I missed her again.

"It's four in the morning." She chuckled.

"I know, I'm sorry, but I- wait why are you up?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I could ask you the same question... and how'd you know I was awake?"

"Your voice is always raspy when you first wake up and it isn't now. You sound alert."

"I'm, uhhh... editing some video stuff. Your turn."

You sure about that? I thought. "I'm writing."

"About what? Or rather whom might I ask?" Her tone was teasing.

"Oh nobody."

"Nobody hm?"

"Yeah... just this girl."

"Is she hot?"

"Eh. She's alright I guess."

"Well that's flattering."

I giggled and twirled my pen around on the edge of my notebook. "I take it back." I crossed my legs and leaned back against my pillow. "She's a total babe."

"Oh really?"

"Yup."

"I'd love to meet her."

"Oh shut up." I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"Make me."

"If you were here I would."

We fell into silence, a sudden longing very evident.

I know you're gone now, but I still wait for you

"I really wish you were here." I spoke softly. "Two hundred miles isn't that far to drive right?" I joked weakly.

"Don't tempt me." She joked back, or so I thought. I distinctly heard the sound of being in a moving car, something I hadn't noticed until just then.