Help me

I Don't Know What I Want

The rest of the night was awkward but Chris barely noticed it. His thoughts were all over the damned place. Josh loved him, and had poured his feelings into the words. He was so confused. Through dinner there was no talking. 

"I'm going to bed." Chris got up. 

"Dude, its like, 8?" Josh raised an eyebrow. 

"Night." Chris knew he was being a jerk but he needed time away from the tension. As soon as he closed the door he let out a deep sigh. What was he supposed to do. Oh god. 

The thought briefly flashes in his mind. Josh's lips working against his and his working back. Their eyes closed and hands roaming all over each other. Fuck. Why was this the thing that was turning him on? He had to stop.

He pulled off his shirt and pants, then crawled into bed. But when Chris closed his eyes all he could see was Josh above him. Could feel Josh's thighs squeezing him tightly because he was in a mix of pleasure and pain. His breath began to speed up. Josh had always been attractive to him. It was just something he noticed. The bags under his eyes only worked for him. His strong jaw line could cut through diamonds he was sure of it. He could see himself kissing at it, creating big dark marks everyone would see the next morning. Speaking of dark, Josh had lovely rich darker skin. He was defiantly a fan of that. His skin was always so smooth and soft. Chris could only guess that his thighs would be to. Josh had nice lips too now that he thought about it.

Chris gulps as his shaky hands run down to his boxers. Josh would totally be one for ridding him, right? Right, because thats what his mind wants. Chris let out a shaky sigh of pleasure as he grips himself. This was fucked up. He bit his bottom lip as he stroked himself. He was thinking of Josh. He could see the face his- that Josh- would make. Arched back sitting on top of him, head thrown back, jaw just slack enough that it was open as he moaned into the air. Josh's palms resting against his chest for leverage. "Fuck.~" He could hear Josh saying his name. Moaning it in that smooth deep voice of his. It didn't take him long to spill over his own fist. "J-Josh.~" He tried to be quiet. He just hoped the person in question had not heard him. 

He got up quickly to wash his hands. God, what had he done? He splashed his face after cleaning up after himself. He sighed and returned to his bed. He felt the absence of Josh in his bed. It felt lonely to be honest.  He missed the brunettes warmth. What was he going to do? He wanted his friends company. He was really cold. Chris tossed the blankets off and got up. He carefully opened the door. 

Josh looked over from under the blankets. "Ya'll right, man?"

"Yah, do you want to just crash with me? The couch isn't very comfortable."

There was a bit of silence. "You, sure."

"Yah."

The other man gets up and walks to him. Chris walks back into the room and crawls back under the covers. Josh closes the door and slowly crawls in bed with him. Josh turns over so his back is facing him. He knows its not fair to the other man. He wants to try it though. Everyone has fantasies about people they know but this is different. He just wants to try it. 

Chris puts an arm around Josh and pulls himself closer. The other man's breath hitches. He fits his legs to match Josh's. 

It was honestly the best sleep Chris had had in weeks. It was warm and comfortable. Waking up was awkward. He slowly pulled himself away from the other man. It took them a while to speak. "I'm sorry, man."

"For what?" Josh turned his head.

"I'm sure that wasn't fair to you."

"Its alright." Josh looked like a kicked puppy despite his words. They ate breakfast in silence. "Hey, Chris?"