SINFUL *STILL editing*

SINFUL - 35

Lola closed the door to her bedroom then walked over and sat opposite me on her bed with her legs folded. She rubbed her lips together before her eyelids peeled upwards and she gazed at me. As expected, Lola's expression and body language were very much neutral, I naturally relaxed when I saw no sign of judgement or question on her face. One reason why I loved Lola was she had always accepted me for being me and so she was one person who would disapprove of the person I was becoming. My emotions were raging and raw, my eyes swelled just thinking about what a friend this girl had been to me. More loyal, caring and understanding than my own blood. Her eyes flickered up towards my head and she genuinely looked like she'd smelt something foul.

"Cynthia, after all that effort..." She pointed towards my hat. "What's the meaning of this?" Her sharp eyes reduced in size as she attempted to intimidate me with her spiteful looks. My shoulders began to shake as we giggled, I watched Lola laugh but I didn't neglect to notice the concern in her eyes.

I was still processing what had happened. How could I even put my feelings into words to merely begin to explain my actions to her? That I hated my sister but I loved her more than I loved myself. That I despised the way she treated me but cared for her wholeheartedly. That I would relish in seeing her suffer but would do anything within my power to protect her from harm. How messed up was it that I knew she was a horrible person but I wanted her life, I would do anything to be her. That thought was too pathetic for me to even utter to another person. It just killed me to know if I were in her shoes I would be a better her. What I needed to do...was be a better me. But our nature, as humans is to know exactly what is good for us and what we should really be focused on, yet desire and chase the opposite thing.

I wish I could say I didn't know any better.

Lola's attention shifted to her phone as it began to flash where it lay on her pillow. I watched her swipe her finger across the screen and read the message. "Kobe's asking how you are...he said you've been ignoring his messages." Lola's eyes didn't leave her phone screen. I shuffled in order to get my phone from my pocket to see that Kobe had indeed sent me messages.

"When were you going to tell me about Kobe and the fact that he told you he liked you?" Lola locked her phone before staring towards me, with one eyebrow slightly cocked upwards. I looked away from her, briefly wondering how I had overlooked the fact that Kobe and Lola were practically brother and sister. "Actually we'll discuss that later, there is evidently a more pressing issue at hand..." Lola's expression intensified and her eyes lingered on my mine, as I maintained contact, I swallowed knowing she was going to ask me something that would make me uncomfortable. "C, you know you can always tell me anything, I've never given you a reason to doubt me as your friend, have I?" I shook my head in response. Her head tilted downwards by a fraction, her Bambi-like eyes sparkled with curiosity. "Do you...like Raheem?"

I broke eye contact immediately, it was like a nervous reflex. I was annoyed for doing that, I looked guilty before I'd even uttered a word. I could never lie to Lola...but could I even tell myself the truth?

"If you do it's better to let it out than keep it in, trust me...I mean it would make sense, all of this...would make sense. Your behaviour, the need for a change...your recent loathing of your sister." She sniggered, "unless you've truly and finally realised what an actual c*nt she is. Because I've made it abundantly clear from time that she's not my mate. In truth, I only entertain the tart for you." Lola snorted when she saw my rather astonished expression at her flippant remarks. "She deserves to get her man snatched from her, I mean I'd do it myself but it would get long. Shaydun would kill him and I'd be getting train every week to visit him in prison, nah I'm not even trying to-"

"No."

"No, what?"

"I don't like him."

"So what's this all about?"