The Black Angel

Chapter Nine: What is love?

Six months later..

I wish Fury had never noticed me. I wish I was still in the shadows, that nobody knew who I truly was. 6 months, 2 days, 4 hours ago was the last time I touched Steve. I can't help but feel guilty every time Loki places his soft hands on me. I can't help thinking of Steve while I am touching him. Loki brings a spurt of darkness to my blank life. A dark colour I never even knew I needed. When I look at him, I see myself. When I look at Steve; I see someone I can never be. I can't help but feel as if he is watching me. Loki will never truly trust me. No matter how many times I lay with him, no matter how many times I place my life in his delicate hands. I will never truly be his. My life is a waking nightmare. I am surrounded by people who are afraid of me. I sit alone all day and the only time I am confronted is when Loki gets back from missions. Some take days, others take months.

He holds a toll on me. An unknown secret even I don't know about. He says I am stronger than I think. That I have blood running through my veins that can take out the universe.

He says he loves me.

But I don't think he knows me.

...

I wake up sweating next to the gloomy figure of Loki. I get up and walk to the door and place the code on the large screen.

"Where are you going, my love" Loki murmurs

"I need to go think. I am going for a walk." I reply

"Now, now. You know I can't just let you leave. Let me come with you."

"Please Loki. Let me do this" I announce

"I will need to have 4 guards follow you, for your safety, of course."

"Very well" I reply, my voice toneless.

I walk out and the harsh wind of the fall night rips through the fabric of my coat.I walk up the sidewalk as 4 gloomy shadows follow me. I hear their whispers I turn the corner.

As I arrive in central park, I see a large figure sitting on the bench.

Steve.

I race out and sprint as hard as I possible can but when I get to the bench, I am met with nothing but a fat drunk man.

"Howdy sweetheart" He says, looking up from his bottle. "Looking for a good time?"

Suddenly, an arrow grazes my palm and lands right beside the man's head. He sits up and sprints- or jogs away from me, cursing every name in the book. I turn around and see none of the guards that followed me. I am suddenly filled with fear as I turn and run. Suddenly, I hear a familiar voice echo through my ears.

"Black Angel" The voice calls. I turn around and am met with Clint, Natasha and- and Steve. I let out an exasperated breath as tears boil up in my eyes. My mouth quivers as I try to hold back my pain.

"You have a lot of explaining to do" Clint announces.

I try to respond but am only met with the anger in Steve's eyes. He looks at me as if I am an enemy.

"...Steve" I quiver.

"What?" He asks, looking at me as if I were a meal, "What exactly do you have to say to me?"

I look down at my shoes as cold steam runs from the mouth. I hear Steve laugh and turn around.

"Steve" Natasha murmurs.

He turns back around and looks at Natasha, he raises his eyebrows and turns his head.

"She's sleeping with him. She is in love with him. We mean nothing to her. She's nothing but but a-"

"Steve" Clint interrupts, giving him a pleading look. "Natasha and I will be over by the bench. You two need to sort some stuff out."

He licks the inside of his cheek and looks at me, a tear falling down his face.

"I tried-" His voice cracks as he looks down. "I tried to understand why- why you left me. I thought that maybe you were captured. I thought maybe you were dead. But then we got news from an inside source that you and Bruce were working with them. That you were going on missions to the other side of the universe with him.

And that you and Loki were sleeping with each other- That you were in love"

Tears fall down his cheek as he takes a deep breath.

"I just need to know" He announces. "Was anything we had real?"

My breath shudders as I try and comprehend an answer.

"Of course" I reply, my voice cracking, "Of course it was real"

"Than why?" He questions "Why Loki?"

"There's so much you don't know." I answer "So much about to happen. I did what I had to do to survive. But survival is all I ever knew. You were so good. You all were. And I wasn't used to that. Loki is everything I am. He is everything I know."

"What was I?" He asks, his eyes pleading. "Nothing but a little experiment? Was I anything to you?"

"Don't," I murmur, "Don't assume that. I don't know what we were. But you were new, you were light and I was darkness. We were always shutting each other out and I know we could have been something- could it have been love? I don't know. But my wants and needs are two very different things."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Steve questions. "I am not a consolation prize. I gave you everything. I fought for you and you abandoned me. How the hell is that love?"

"I don't know what love is, Steve! I don't know if what Loki and I have is love. I crave his touch.But I need yours. He is everything I know! You're something new, you're the unknown, and I don't know how to comprehend what we have!"

"Than don't." He whispers, looking down at his feet. "Obviously we have nothing."

He looks up and his eyes are red from tears. He turns around and starts walking away.

"Steve!" I cry, my voice pleading for him to come back. I run up to him and grab his arm, turning him around. He looks at me with his eyes full of sadness.

I kiss him soft and than hard. I place my hands on his back and take a deep breathe as our bodies collide.

Suddenly, he pushed me away and turns around.

"Every part of me wants you" He whispers. "But you are not mine."

"What?"I question, my voice trembling.

He closes his eyes as tears fall down his cheeks.

"Please" I plead. Tears flowing down my face.

"Goodbye, Angel" He whispers as he walks away. Natasha and Clint run up and place their arms around him. Suddenly, Natasha looks up and shakes her head at me and murmurs "Go".

I do as she commands.

I go back to Loki...