20 Mistakes

Chapter 1

Every day since April 15, 2012 I have had the same reoccurring dream every night.

I felt like I was there again. Two boxes by the door and him with his puffy blues eyes waiting for me on the couch. I woke up each morning hoping I'd see him next to me, thinking that it didn't happen, but it did, and he wasn't. April 15, 2012 I pulled my hair out of the bun that sat on top of my head and let my long, straight, amber brown hair cascade down my back. I waved goodbye to everyone in the studio as I hauled my bag out the door. I didn't notice the rain until I realized how far my car was parked. My calves were too sore to run for it so I walked, getting soaked in the process. When I reached the floor of the apartment I became giddy knowing I got to see my boyfriend after a long day.

The keys jiggled in the door as I turned the nob and pushed, exposing the inside of our cozy apartment. I threw my duffle bag on the floor by the door and slipped off my sandals tripping over a few boxes in the process. I looked up finding Niall sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. "Niall? Are you alright?" He shook his head 'no' in response and I practically ran to his side. As soon as I took hold of his arm he pulled it away from me. I was hurt and shocked, I asked myself why he could possibly be so distant right now, but decided on asking him instead.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I purred. He sniffed and pulled his hands down from his tear streaked face. I instantly began to cry because I absolutely hated it when he cried. He looked at me shocked and then turned away. "Can we talk?" He asked this in a hushed, shaky, unstable voice. No! No! No! No! No! We CANNOT talk. I nodded my head to afraid of how my voice might come out if I spoke. He ran his fingers through his beach blonde and dark brown hair and faced me completely. I felt him swipe at the tears speeding down my cheeks, it only made me want to cry even more, but I let him. "Please don't cry." He whispered.

"You don't cry! I hate it when you cry Niall." "I have to, because I'm about to do something I never thought I'd do." I nodded, pressing for him to continue. "Cait, I-I think that we should breakup." My heart stopped, or at least it felt like it did. Everything around me was spinning and in that moment I felt empty. Tears welled up in my eyes and I let them burst through. I put my head down fiddling with my fingers as I pulled my bottom lip in, biting it as hard as I could endure. "Shhh..." He whispered trying to coax me after lifting my head up while rubbing my cheek with his thumb. I shook my head rapidly taking in deep breaths to calm myself down. He put his cool forehead on mine and waited for me to calm down. I looked up into his ocean blue eyes and he pulled away sinking into the couch. "I love you Caiti more than I think I have loved any other girl. You were my first love. You know that right?" I opened my mouth to speak and croaked out a silent "Yes." "I just think we shouldn't be together right now. We are both at different stages in our lives now. I'm trying to get my career started and you're trying to finish school. We just need to go off on our own for a while because I'm pretty sure we're tired of each other." "Why?" I whispered. "Caitlyn, all we do is hurt each other. This isn't a healthy relationship anymore." "You don't hurt me."

I can see his eye twitch when I say that and I throw my head down. "Caitlyn, I listen to you cry at night. When we fight, I see you run into the bathroom and rock yourself to sleep. It hurts me seeing you like that." I look at the boxes by the door and stand up to look inside of them. I peer over them and stare at the contents inside. It was most of the things he's bought me, my knick knacks, my scrap book, memorabilia, etc. I couldn't even look at him; he was throwing me out of his apartment. I turned away from them and walked straight into our bathroom. Honestly, as weird as this sounds I enjoy just laying down in the bathroom. I have blankets and comforters and just spread them out and relax. It comforted me, when I get my period I lie down and instantly the cramps are gone. And that's exactly what I planned on doing before I could face Niall again.