20 Mistakes

Mistake # 1

"I was too insecure."

I had just finished a long day in school and then I had to be in the studio for another three hours. I've been dancing since the age of four but I couldn't help regret it sometimes. Today was one of those days. I had pointe today, and it wasn't a great rehearsal, Melanie, our instructor yelled at me the whole time, she never seemed to like me, whenever I did something right she'd pick out tiny flaws, like my hair being messy. Nothing about today was very great at all, I was generally just in a very bad mood.

I opened the door to the apartment I shared with Niall and B-lined for our room. I threw my bag on the floor and entered the bathroom to take a quick shower due to my sweaty appearance. Niall wasn't home from the music store yet, I suppose he was taking inventory or something, because he should've been home an hour ago.

I checked my phone for any messages and saw a call from my older brother Zack. I'll call him later, I thought throwing my phone on our bed. I got in the shower and proceeded to wash my hair and myself and came out feeling refreshed. I wrapped the towel around my chest and opened the door. I watched as Niall came closer into my view and I couldn't help smile when I saw him. Niall always put a smile on my face, no matter how bad I felt. "Hey sweetie." He said whispering into my ear after leaning in for a hug. "Hi lovely, how was work?" "Tiring!" He yelled. "How was dance?" "Awful." I replied. He smiled at me and buried his head in my neck and started kissing me. "Niall, stop! That tickles." He chuckled and let go of me. "You are so ticklish love." He followed me into our bedroom and sat down on the bed as I began to change into my house clothes. "Is it ok if the boys come over?" "Tonight?" I groaned. He nodded as I stepped into my underwear. "I wanted to spend time with you." I whined. "We have all of our lives to spend time with each other baby. Please? I already invited them over." "You didn't even ask." I said pouting. I threw my blue sweatshirt over my head and slipped into my black yoga pants. "I'm sorry. I just really wanted to chill with them. You should invite Jocelyn, Emily, and Dakota over sometime." "Don't tell me what to do mister." He cocked an eyebrow at me and laughed. I ran to jump on him and hit him with one of the pillows. "Mercy!" He yelled. I stopped hitting him and he flipped me over and began to tickle my sides. I twisted and contorted from the pain of his fingers digging into my body, halting when his fingers no longer moved. "You know, I didn't get my kiss today." I smirked and moved away from him. He attacked my face with kisses before landing on my actual lips. I smiled and ran my fingers along his neck. The door bell sounded through the apartment and he pulled away. "It's probably them." He stated enthusiastically. We got up and went to open the door and we were greeted by the guys. "Hey man!" He shouted hugging each of them. They eventually saw me and picked me up to hug me. "Princess Cait!!!" They put me down and I smiled at their goofiness. "Do y'all want something to eat or drink?" "Oh! The southern accents coming out!" Harry shouted. I felt the pink in my cheeks grow along my face and smiled. I'm originally from South Florida, but I had always been raised to be a proper southern girl, even if south Florida wasn't that proper. "Isn't it the cutest?" Niall questioned. "Mhm." Louis said nodding in agreement. "Are y'all going to answer my question?" "Beer please." They answered in unison. I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge and took out a couple of beers. I laid them out in front of them and fetched the bottle opener. "Thanks lovey!" Niall whispers. "I'm going to study! Call me if you need me." They waved goodbye as I walked into my room and I blew Niall a kiss before closing the door.

I threw myself down and turned the music on my phone on while placing it in the dock. The only things we ever did in class was dance. I planned on majoring in dance performance, with that I would become a household name and open up my own studio. I began to map out my choreography for my modern dance class on Monday. Every week we were assigned one song and we had to create choreography. My song this week was 'New Soul' by Yael Naim. It was interesting seeing everything my other classmates came up with. I was always in the top ten for choreography, which made me genuinely proud. I began to mark each turn and leap I would do due to the limited space. After an hour of dancing around our room I decided to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. I opened the door slowly and walked out into the hall. I stopped in my tracks as I heard hushed whispers, one containing my name. My ears perked up and I listened intently. "Cait is just a bit too skinny. You know what I mean? Like being fit is wonderful and all, but she just looks anorexic. I don't think she is, but she's constantly dancing and she doesn't eat enough." "I understand man. You want a little meat on those bones." Liam replies. "Yeah, I don't want a fat ass but I want a little something to squeeze." "Nicole has been struggling with her weight for the longest. One minute she's skinny the next she's a bit heavier." "Hey, at least Nicole has a butt." Niall said laughing. I can't believe he thinks I'm too skinny, what guy ever wants a girl with 50 millions ounces of meat in their bones. I wait a minute before coming out and walking to the kitchen. Their demeanor changes as I step into their view. "Hey baby! Get anything done?" I nodded my head and pulled out a bottle of water and ripped a banana off of the bunch and sat down on the floor far from Niall. "Cait, come sit with me." "No thanks Ni." I silently observed their conversation and began to drift off as they spoke. I go back into our room and fall into a deep slumber still in my house clothes. I feel the bed sink and my eyes flutter open. "Cait, are you mad at me?" I ignore him and try to fall asleep again. "That's a yes." I feel him get up and listen to him leave falling asleep soon after.

The next morning I woke up to Niall's light snoring and felt his arm wrap around me tighter as I inched off the bed. "Baby, don't get up yet." He squeezed my side and I winced as his warm fingers grazed my ribs. "Are you still mad at me?" He whispers sitting up. I ignore him and crawl out of the bed entering the bathroom. I brush my teeth, wash my face, and braid my hair before leaving the bathroom and going into the kitchen. I prepared some scrambled eggs and began to cook some bacon as Niall sat down. I could feel his gaze on my back and I couldn't help but feel angry. I flipped the bacon over and placed the plate in front of Niall. "Thanks." I watched him as he ate and he looked up at me. "Please eat Cait." I resisted for a minute but the smell of bacon made me surrender. I tore pieces up and chewed slowly savoring every bite. I felt his eyes on my face and lifted my head to stare back into his. "You have to eat more than that Cait." He whispered. I became enraged with the memory of last night and stood up abruptly. "It's none of your business whether or not I eat." He stood up as well and slammed the chair down. "It is my business because you're my girlfriend and I love you." I scoffed and shook my head, swiftly walking into our room. I heard footsteps pounding behind me. "You don't even like me!!!" I screamed marching into our room and throwing our pillows down. At that moment I began to cry but I couldn't stop. "I don't like you?" He asked. I shook my head rapidly and took a step farther away from him. "No!!! You think I'm too skinny! You think I'm hideous." "Cait-" He began but I cut him off. "Shut up Niall. Shut up. Don't lie to me. I heard you with the boys yesterday. You want a little meat on these bones. You hate everything about me! My hair, my nose, my eyes, my ears, my weight, my cheeks, my freckles, my lips. Why date me?!" I screamed. "Why are you dating me?!?!" I shouted even louder. Niall cautiously approached my weeping body and led me to the large mirror in the corner of the room. He wiped the tears off my now pink cheeks and forced me to face the mirror. "Baby, look up." I didn't move and continued to look down at his hands. He tilted my chin upwards and kissed a tear falling down my cheek. "It seems like every time I tell you you're beautiful, it goes in one ear and out the other, but I will tell you again. Look in the mirror. Can I tell you what I see?" I shake my head no and he smiles. "I see a beautiful girl inside and out. I see her cute little nose, adorable freckles, perfect ears, gorgeous hair, rosy cheeks, perfectly plump lips, and a rather sexy body." I blushed at the last part and he gently kissed my cheek. "Most importantly, I see the girl I want to take home to my parents and marry. I see the future Caitlyn Addison Horan. And I think she's what perfection should look like." "Nobody's perfect Niall." "You're the closest thing to it." "Niall, you could do so much better." "There is no one better than you Cait. You are the best." "I'm not, you're going to be a music engineer and I'm going to be a dancer. You have a more promising career. What I'm doing won't go anywhere for long." I say sighing knowing its the truth. "Yes it will babe, you are going to do so much for the kids that come to you." I rested my head on his broad chest and hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry." "Don't apologize. Do you see how beautiful you are?" I nodded my head and pulled him closer to me. "I love you so much Cait." "I love you too Ni."

Present

I sighed after telling them what happened and they waited before saying something. "Cait, girls are insecure all the time." Jocelyn whispered. "Yeah, but I did it like every day. Picking at my flaws. I could tell he was getting tired of it. It was always something. My feet weren't as arched as another girl's, or my bum was smaller than most girls. Something always got me." "You're beautiful darling. You're imperfectly perfect, and we love you for it, he did too." "I know it makes me feel so awful, he saw past all those things but I wouldn't allow him to. I was nothing but selfish and insecure."