20 Mistakes

Chapter 2

July 12, 2013

I snapped out of my trance and grimaced. It had been a year since I last talked to Niall, it didn't look like we were getting back together because he was happy with his new girlfriend, and I was... still alone.

I threw my posters and wall decor into the box in my hand and opened my drawers to find all the pointless things I possessed. Living in a college dorm really didn't leave room to have a lot of possessions but I wanted to be sure I got everything. I pulled the dresser back and looked behind it. I found about ten million bobby pins, a hair tie, and a couple of headbands. I picked them up and put them in my hair accessories holder. "Cait, Jocelyn wants to know if you've seen her Greek dictionary." My best friend and roommate, Emily, screamed at me from the tiny living room down the hall. "I'll look." I screamed.

I went on to pack away some books I had lying around and stopped looking at the boxes collecting dust on the top. So many memories came back to me and I fought to ignore them. I sat them on top of my box and rushed out into the living space. "Hey, I found your book." Jocelyn beamed and took it from me putting it in one of her boxes. "That's perfect thank you." "Are we all set?" Dakota asked. "Yep." We sounded in unison. I had known Dakota since my freshman year and she later introduced me to Jocelyn, who introduced us to Emily, we had been best friends since we met. They were always my roommates, except for the one year I lived with my now ex-boyfriend, Niall. Now we were moving in together to start our lives. I was genuinely excited to be living with my best friends; they were so supportive, and so caring. I wouldn't be here without them. I wouldn't be happier without them. I was still upset, but I tried to get over it and I've succeeded at times, but not always.

After loading all of the boxes into Jocelyn's car I got into my car with Emily and we drove to our new apartment.

It was almost like having a dorm again, but with more freedom. I carried my boxes into my room and helped Emily carry her boxes into my room as well. It's our room, but it's my room. You get me?

We walked back out into the living room and sat down on the floor. "Furniture shopping tomorrow anyone?" We raised our hands in agreement and laughed hysterically. "I love you guys so much." Emily said through her fit of laughing. "We love you too babay." Niall used to say babay. I always thought it was so adorable. Anything that came out of his mouth was adorable. Niall was from Mullingar, Ireland, and he came to America to go to school and break my heart. Mostly to go to school. His cute accent filled my ears and I couldn't help but smile. I had actually picked up an Irish accent after living with him for so long. Niall was my first boyfriend and I thought we would last forever, I thought he was the boy I was going to marry. I know it's been a year but it still kills me. I felt a painful jolt shoot up my body and snapped out of my trance. I immediately twisted my head to face Dakota knowing she was the culprit. "What?!" I screamed. They looked at me shocked because I never raised my voice.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered. "What's wrong Caiti?" "Nothing." I replied. "It's Niall isn't it?" Emily asked. I shook my head yes slowly and sighed. "I need to show you guys something." I walked back into my room and grabbed the two boxes that I've left untouched for a year. I came back out with them in my hands and set them down in front of Emi, Jocelyn, and Dakota. "I've never really showed you guys what's in this box because we drifted away that year." They winced as I brought up the past. "You can just open it, this is the reason I can't get over him." I watched them as they opened the box and looked through the contents.

They looked at the bears he bought me, the necklaces and the ring he gave me, the tea cup he gave me with my name sketched on it, my side of the couple t-shirt he bought, the snow globe he bought me when we went to Ireland so I could meet his family, pointe shoes he got tie-dyed for me, and then opening the scrap book. I looked at the numbers written on the front with our names above it. Emily opened the book and they read everything on each page. Every page contained some sticky notes he would leave around the house, the songs he would sing me, photos of us, tickets to concerts or theme parks we'd go to, or anything else that made our relationship as perfect as I thought it was.

They looked up at me finally after looking at the last page of Niall grinning from ear to ear with my hair falling into his face. When I took that picture he was asking me not to, tickling my sides grinning at the pain he was creating. He looked peaceful, happy, I loved his smile. He had braces at the time but I loved everything about that mouth of his. I read the words that made my heart ache, grimacing at my choice of words. "My forever." I whispered under my breath. Dakota turned to me with tears in her eyes and flung her arms around me. I felt the tears fighting to be free, so I finally let them and hugged her back. Jocelyn and Emily hugged us both and when we were finally calm we laid down in a wheel with our heads touching.

"You guys were perfect. What happened?" "It's a long story. Our relationship wasn't as perfect as we thought it was. But we loved each other so much we stayed and tried to work things out. I ruined our relationship, I am the reason we aren't together anymore." Emily spoke up and said "You don't know that it's your fault." "It is. I provoked him to do the things he did. Resulting in our breakup." "How do you know?" "I made so many mistakes." "What do you mean?" Dakota asked. "I made a few mistakes that led to our breakup." "Like what?" "Well, I don't know. I could think of like twenty reasons why we broke up." "Well, let's hear them." Jocelyn says. I sigh deeply and think about a specific time and event when I hurt the probability of our relationship lasting. "This might take a while." I state dryly. "We have forever." Jocelyn whispered. "Every night, you'll tell us one reason why ok?" I nodded my head in agreement and began to recall the first moment that popped into my head.

Emily is on the side ---------------->

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