Addicted to the pain

One

*Flash back to the day skylars life crashed down around her*

"Skylar sweetie it's okay it's only a scratch." My father whispered as he cleaned my cut. The pain made me wince. He gave me looks that assured me that he was sorry. my ten year old self was very dramatic. He stood me up. "All better?" He questioned. As he patted my head. I smiled. My father made me feel at ease. I nodded. We were walking home from the movie he took me out too. I crossed the street without looking. I heard a scream from my father. Head lights blinded me. I was shoved aside, by strong hands.

I landed on the curb with a thud. I heard on final scream then I heard nothing. I stood up with wobbly legs. The car was gone. But my dad layed in the middle of the street with his eyes closed. I ran over to him tears streaming down my face. I placed his head in my lap. He was covered in blood. His stomach was ripped open. "Dad, dad please wake up I need you we need you. Please don't leave us." A woman ran up to me. "I'm calling 911" she screamed. I place my head on his chest and cried.

He sacrificed himself for me and I couldn't handle it. "You haven't seen Gabreil, Ella or me grow up. Dad don't go." The paramedics pushed me aside and began working. Minutes later they stopped. " KEEP WORKING ON HIM HE CANT DIE!" I screamed at them. I saw his lifeless body on the stretcher. When they didn't answer me I just ran up to him. "Dad I didn't get a chance to say good bye, I didn't get too." Tears fell. But I kept talking "I love you so much. I'm not sure what everyone will do too me. I don't know if they'll blame me. But that's not the point the point is your gone. And there's nothing I can do. I will always blame myself for this!"

The woman pulled me away. I cried for hours till I fell asleep. All I could think about was how the only person who cared about me was now gone. And it was my own doing. His blood was on my hands.

*present day*
Since my dad past my mom found a horrible way to cope. Drugs. One word ruined my life. And my siblings life. When he first left this world she never left her room. But a month later she was out partying, never coming home. But then it got worse. She would go out have sex with random guys for money. Then buy drugs. She could no longer care for me and my siblings, so I took it upon myself to do. I worked two jobs. While in high school. My teacher slapped her ruler down on my desk waking me from my trance. "Skylar would you like to share with the class your thoughts on this lesson?" She questioned. I shook my head. She knew I disliked talking in front of the whole class.

Yet everyday she calls me out. This added more things to my heaping pile of stress. I was excited when the bell rang signaling lunch. I went straight to the library. That's where I went every lunch. I have kind of claimed a spot in the corner where no one could see me. I never ate. I just sat there and cried. I haven't found a coping mechanism. I know it's stupid. It being six years after my dad died.

I put my head on the desk. And tears fell. It's all my fault. Everything that goes wrong is my fault. The desk was now wet. I lifted my head and wiped it off. I was not ready for what happens after school. I'm up till 1:00 am every day. Working for my siblings to have a future. I know my mother should be doing that. But she doesn't. So I had to grow up and step in. I wouldn't let them go through what I did. I stared at my worn down, old, tattered sneakers. I was never ungrateful for what I had. My dad raised me well. I wouldn't let his work go down the drain.