Logandra Moments in Time

Vertigo

This one goes out to my dear friend @FlameTornado who reminded me that not all bad experiences need to be dealt with alone, and that there are people out there who care.

Logan paced. He always paced. Especially when he had a lot on his mind. And today his mind was reeling.

He'd bought the ring. He'd picked it out weeks beforehand. He hadn't meant to, honestly. He just happened to be walking in the shopping complex and the gorgeous diamond glinted in the afternoon light. Even with his sunglasses on, the shine was not dulled, and neither was the bright, uninviting light of the store he walked in to, just so that he could have a closer look.

It took him all but two seconds to single out the shiniest mineral after his eyes adjusted to the onslaught of silvery sparkles and golden haloes. He barely even thought about what he was doing, the consequences of his actions and how public he made them, let alone thinking twice about how the world would react to what he was planning.

He'd had all this courage, after all, it was something he'd been wanting to do for years. But as soon as he exited the store, his mission of grocery shopping having almost been completely forgotten, the doubts set in.

Logan wanted to ask her - he wouldn't have bought the ring if he didn't. And he definitely wanted her to say yes. But there was a nagging voice biting into his resolve, reminding him of their situation, their 'just friends' status. For some reason, he started to second guess - not only himself and if he was still too young to be feeling this kind of love and passion and to have felt it for so long without the fire dwindling - but their entire relationship. He found himself, as he drove to their shared home, pondering the possibility that they still weren't public because she was ashamed of him.

He wouldn't tell her as much. He kept his thoughts to himself. Especially the thoughts about marriage and children. But it was hard. She was so beautiful and so trusting of him, her quiet smiles screaming the truth in her eyes, her compliant body reminding him she was his as much as he was hers.

But he didn't ask.

And as he boarded the plane for New York, the weight in his carry-on somehow a burden of "you should have asked her," Logan regretted his decision to remain tight lipped and stone faced about his feelings and ambitions. He almost wished she hasn't been so excited for him to be off on another film set, doing what he loved once again, just so that he didn't feel guilty as he unpacked his bags into his hotel room, a question met for her, left unspoken and hanging in the air like a personal cloud made just for him.

Logan knew, deep down, that this wasn't his best idea. In fact, he was pretty sure it was the dumbest idea in the history of man. And he knew she wouldn't appreciate the gesture.  Now that he'd done it. But he couldn't shake the feeling as he walked past the magazine stand, spying the monthly edition of wedding magazines a few feet to his left, that it was all finally coming together and that his idea was brilliant.

It's funny how hindsight works like that.

That's why he was pacing. Because it was too late to call the post office and ask for them to not send the package consistent of a dumb idea, an expensive ring and a magazine with a ridiculously happy looking couple carved into its glossy front page.

How he wished his inner logic had registered that asking for his long time girlfriend's hand via courier mail was a lot like breaking up with her via text message.

And he wished he had the guts to take her out somewhere fancy, knowing that she hated the formal wear, and asking the wait-staff to dim the lights as he crouched on one knee and observed her reaction. As soon as he send the parcel he recognised his longing to see her reaction, his need to hold her hand as he asked, slipping the ring on snuggly before leaning in to steal a kiss. The first of many as an engaged couple.

But it was too late for that. His phone was ringing. And it was her.

It was a Skype call, a tradition between them, one that Logan wasn't really sure he appreciated now that he realised his stupidity in attempting to propose through the mailman. He didn't was to see her reject him, the disappointment etched on to her distant features.

But that's not what he was met with.

The image was blurred momentarily, the camera moving, tilting sickeningly as if the person holding it wasn't quite ready. As the image focussed, Logan blew out a breath, a sigh of relief.

His screen showed a familiar coffee table, the wedding magazine he had sent his girlfriend open haphazardly as if Alex had been flipping through it. In one corner he could see the white and yellow package he had mailed the ensemble in. Alex was clearly nestled on the couch, her denim clad legs crossed, her feet tucked beneath her.

Logan could picture her sitting against the white leather, grinning. It was an exhilarating image, but there was a twang of sadness that faded it's edges as if Logan could predict the fallout that was sure to ensue. Alex was still yet to speak.

That's when he noticed it. The twinkle in the bottom corner of the screen, the ring nestled in the notch of her forth slender finger, fitting snugly, the platinum band blending into her creamy skin. There was the hint of fur beneath her fingers, as if Levon was being pet as Logan starred through the screen.

Logan couldn't suppress his growing smile as he gazed upon the left hand of the woman he loved. She was wearing the ring! Did that mean-?

"So, is that a yes?" Logan pressed hopefully, wanting to desperately view her face and the reaction that would play against her beauty.

There was a chuckle on the other end of the line, the image shaking slightly as if Alex was trying not to let her shoulders shake. Her answer was quiet, barely above a whisper. "Yeah, Logan." She sounded nonchalant. But Logan could imagine her eyelids closed in bliss, her smile wide despite not showing any teeth.

That was when the camera tilted again, to reveal his fiancé's pleased expression painted on her makeup-less face. "Did you actually think I'd say no?" She wondered.

Logan shot her a look, reminding her of their distance and of the consequences of her agreement to his question.

Alex chuckled with him, it was a familiar sound that made him swell with pride, his chest involuntarily puffing and a smile creeping onto his face. He didn't need to say anything, he could see her understanding in her pale blue eyes. "You're not mad?"

Her head tilted left in confusion before she answered. "No, I mean, I just wasn't aware that you still couldn't look me in the eyes." Logan laughed at the reference to the beginnings of their relationship and he was hit by a wave of vertigo as he realised it had been eight years since that fateful moment when he first told her how he felt, or tried to anyway. "I mean, that's why you had the ring for three months and then had to post it to me, right?"

The humour in her tone was hard to miss. She was still speaking softly, almost tiredly. He loved her like this, completely vulnerable yet unafraid to open up to him.  It took a moment for her words to filter through his brain and for him to recognise the truth and lies in them.

Logan didn't even wring his hands like he knew he would have if he had been sitting beside her. "Actually, I just kind of got impatient, I could never find the right time and - wait, how'd you know I've had it for so long?" His eyes narrowed, but his smile was wide.

Alexandra sighed. "You meant to get groceries one night, and you came back with this huge grin." She rolled her eyes at the memory. "You didn't completely empty your pockets, there was a Tiffany's ribbon. But that's all I knew. You've had it for months?"

Logan smirked at her, of course his future wife could add two and two and quite rightly get four. "Yeah. But ask me again over the weekend when I fly down and ask you properly, and I might say otherwise." He grinned knowingly, he'd bought a second ring for that occasion especially. But she didn't have to know that. Yet.