Logandra Moments in Time

Irrational Fear and Terrible Judgement

This one is dedicated to everyone that's kept their faith in logandra and are convinced their still together. It's for all of your patience and your support. Thank you for sticking with me after all this time.

"Al," he started, his voice shaking in his throat and warbling as her name spilled out. "I've been thinking."

Alex bent her head, staying otherwise still beside her boyfriend of nearly seven years. She knew exactly what he was going to say to her. This had been coming for a while. She simply wished it wasn't happening because she'd never loved him more nor ever been so prepared for their future. She thought they were in a mostly good position in their relationship, cruising, but still deeply in love and solid in their comfort with each other. Especially over the last week, Logan has taken her out nearly every night on picnics and to restaurants and even hired the rusted red pickup truck they'd shared their first kiss in. It seemed, from his nervous body language and sweating palms in her hands, that he wasn't feeling the same.

"We've both have extremely busy schedules for the coming year," the more Logan spoke, the more his voice shook and his hand pulled through his hair. Despite all his nervous habits being prominent and in full view, there was a shine of certainty in his blue eyes as if he was sure that this was he wanted. "And we've never been as busy as we will be this year."

Logan manoeuvred his body on the love seat, angling his body closer towards her so that the could watch the expression on her face. But Alex wasn't quite sure what to show him at this point, her heart was sinking fast and hard in her chest like an anchor dipping deep into the sea, an emotion she desperately tried to hide. To no avail, unfortunately, her cornflower blue eyes shone with the welling tears that threatened to fall. "Jesus, I've been trying to tell you all of this before." Which only confirmed to her everything that she was fearing. Her grip slackened in his hands.

Logan gulped down the air he breathed before he started again in spite of all his confidence in this moment, and eloquence in every other, he wasn't doing too well in the way of cutting to the chase and getting to the point. Logan mustn't have recognised the way she was pulling away from him because his hands released hers too, but only so that he could reposition them and entangle their fingers. "We're going to be so busy, and I think it might be best if we-"

Here it comes. Alex couldn't refrain from thinking. The let down. After all of these years this is how it ends. Right now Alex was hating her career choice. Acting may have been the reason she'd met the love of her life, Logan Lerman, but she could see now that it was that same thing that was tearing them apart. And it sounded like it had succeeded in doing so.

"Make things a little more permanent around here."

Logan looked so hopeful, his blue eyes trained on hers intensely. They were sitting in their casual work clothes, both clad in jeans and tee shirts after having come home from respective studios on opposite sides of the city. Admittedly, her shirt belonged to him, but that wasn't the point. The message behind the image of them on the couch read something along the lines of your lives are already travelling in different directions, what's the point in trying to redirect them.

"What?" Alex asked, knowing she came across as mildly rude. But his words were shocking her now that they were registering in her brain.

"I'm sorry," Logan shook his head, untangling one of their hands so that he could pull at his hairline, clearly stressed and anxious. "This isn't coming out the way I planned."

Again, Alex was perplexed.

Logan sighed, clearing his head with a few blinks of clarity, refocusing his eyes on her as he dragged them away from Levon laying on the dog bed beside the opposite end of the lounge. "This year, we're both going to be so busy with travel and filming on location and we've always been really good at working around all of that." The more he spoke, the more Logan smiled with his pent up confidence. "But this time, it's going to be so much harder. We'll be away at the same time, for longer periods and we'll hardly ever see each other."

Alex couldn't argue with his logic, it was for the same reasons that she had thought he was putting an end to their relationship.

"And I can't let that happen." He struggled with forming the words on his lips, although she could see that he was no longer trying to remember what he'd scripted for himself anymore because his eyes were no longer foggy and he had stopped wetting his lips. "Al, I can't lose you."

Alex smiled. After feeling so lost when he started speaking, and even without ever feeling so disheartened, Alex always felt so loved and wanted and appreciated whenever Logan said something like that. It never ceased to amaze her how disgustingly cheesy her boyfriend could be, nor how much she was swept off her feet whenever he lapsed into saying something overly romantic out of the blue.

"And that got me to thinking," his hands left hers again to scratch at the small of his back, a nervous habit Alex couldn't remember him not having. "About what reasons you'd have to stay with me when things get really tough because of the distance between us."

Alex furrowed her eyebrows. "Logan." She tried to find the words, her head tilting towards him. "I love you. And that's enough." She trusted those words and firmly believed in them, especially when she was talking about Logan. However, he shook his head as though he disagreed.

"But it's not just because I don't want you to leave." Logan shifted, sliding into the floor beside her, one of his legs leaning against the lounge as if he was still half sitting on it, the other knee touching the floor.

And all of a sudden there was a navy blue, velvet box in his hand. A gasp escaped her as her empty hand flew to her mouth.

Logan looked up at her. There was no hope or plea in his blue eyes, there was only confidence and a wistful, wishful glow like an ember being breathed to life. "It's because I want a fixed future full of love, and children, and you. Al, I want you." He sounded so sure and still incredibly nervous. "Will you marry me?"

With a flick of his wrist, the box opened to reveal a studded diamond and jade ring set in a platinum band, the main diamond bigger than Alex thought practical. But Alex wasn't all that interested in the ring. And it in no way deterred her answer.

She said yes and kissed him fervently. She'd say yes no matter where or when or how he asked. And she desperately looked forward to the future he envisioned for them.