Should I Stay?

Lullabye

PHIL POV~

Packing. I'd forgotten about packing. I was always so organised usually, but I guess a lot had been on my mind. Even after lying awake the night before thinking about it, I still couldn't make sense of the situation.

I spent the whole of the morning running around the flat grabbing my things and shoving them into a bag that was definitely too small for the amount of stuff I had. Most of my stuff I'd decided to leave in the flat because I could just buy it again when I arrived, so I was just packing what I could carry on the plane. Dan offered to help but after half an hour of watching him wrap my clothes up in a tiny ball and then squeezing it into my suitcase I sent him away, and proceeded to unpack everything he'd just packed and fold it neatly.

I didn't realise just how much stuff I had until I had to fit it into just one bag. I was seriously considering getting a private jet and being in debt all my life because I was so stressed. I decided to leave my houseplants with Dan; because I decided there was no way they'd survive the flight (although to be honest they probably had more of a chance on the plane than with Dan).

I flung open my wardrobe and grabbed everything, flattening them so that it fitted in. It looked empty and bare, and the sight made a lump in my throat rise up. Even my bed sheets had been stripped off the bed and packed, and my room looked as if it had never been lived in.

I checked my phone expecting some sort of message but I remembered I had had to log out of twitter and YouTube because my phone was constantly buzzing with notifications from fans, and I didn't feel like responding.

Dan and I had barely spoken since I posted the video. It was as if that night had never happened, and that hurt. Not as much as leaving, but it did. I think he was angry with me for leaving, especially after we admitted our feelings to each other.

It was late evening when I finally began to stop packing, and Dan and I spent our last night on the sofa watching anime. We'd had Chinese for dinner, which we'd barely touched. The last time we'd had Chinese was when I told him I was leaving. It was almost fitting, in a way, to be eating Chinese that night. We'd sat at the table staring at each other, trying to choke out words but not managing, and so swirling our food around our plates a couple of times making patterns with the sauce, and avoiding eye contact.

Afterwards, we were both on the sofa, completely silent. The only sound in the room was the TV, which neither of us was watching.

I heard Dan sniff and I looked over. He had tears streaming down his cheeks, and he looked up at me, his eyes watery and sad. Without saying a word, I lent over and pulled him into me, resting my head on his. He snuggled into me and I wrapped my arms around him, kissing the top of his head.

We fell asleep like that, spending my last night together curled up on the sofa.

DAN POV~

He was leaving. It seemed surreal. I almost expected him to change his mind and stay, but that didn't happen. Instead, he checked he'd packed everything and rummaged through the draws for his passport, creating a huge mess. As we left the flat his eyes were glistening with tears and he gazed at it for a moment and then turned away towards the road, not looking back.

We got a taxi to the airport because Phil's bags were so huge. We dragged them through the airport, arriving at Check In. Because Phil can't deal with being late for anything we were half an hour too early, so we made a trip to the Starbucks in the airport. We sat there in silence, watching people say goodbye to family and friends, and in less than an hour I realised that would be us.

The half an hour passed more quickly that I wanted it to. After the intial silence we began to joke about the people walking through, and for a while I forgot the reason we were there. It was so easy, being with him, and I didn't know what I would do without him.

The light lit up, the lady at the check in arrived, and we made our way towards the desk. I stood back, watching him hand over his passport and ticket, thinking about tearing it out his hands and making a run for it.

I loved him and he was leaving.

His bag went off on the belt, and he turned back to me.

"Shall we go to Security?" He said quietly, looking down at the floor.

"Um, sure, yeh," I replied, before taking a deep breath and grabbing his hand. He smiled sadly at me, and we walked through large groups of people, collecting strange looks from the many passers-by (although I couldn't care less at that point) and arrived at Security.

Without thinking I joined the line with Phil, but was stopped by a large, angry looking man telling me I had to go.

Phil stepped out the queue with me, and stared at me.

"I guess this is it then," he said, and then broke down.

I started to cry too, and flung my arms around him, and then pulled back and kissed him. He kissed back, softly, and then broke it off, and hugged me again.

It was heartbreaking.

He stepped back.

"I love you, Dan," he said, and then turned around and joined the line. Soon he was surrounded by people, and I couldn't see him anymore.

I walked away, and called a taxi. On the short journey home I cried, ignoring the strange looks the driver was giving me.

I entered our flat, feeling numb, and sat on Phil's bed. Everything of his had gone, and it looked like it did when we arrived, as if he'd never lived there. He'd soon be forgetting about me in America, meeting new people and probably moving in with his new best friend. And I was here.

I curled up, and lay there, tears leaking out the corners of my eyes.

PHIL POV~

I walked through security feeling numb, and sat down with a coffee on one of the seats facing the huge window that looked out onto the planes. I turned my phone on, hoping for a message from Dan, but the screen remained blank.

I still had two hours until my flight, and I needed to distract myself. I put my earphones in and played Fall Out Boy at full volume. Miss Missing You came on, and I thought about what had happened in the last three weeks.

It seemed so long ago that Dan got drunk and went to hospital, and when we kissed, and the argument that we had that started off about cereal and went on from there. Then there was that night where we both confessed our feelings, and that was probably the happiest night of my life.

The rest of the time passed in a blur, and I got on the plane and watched the buildings become smaller and smaller until they looked like little toy houses, and then so small I couldn't see them at all. I sat back in my seat and sighed, and almost immediately sat up with sudden nausea at what was happening.

Why was I leaving? The reason I accepted the job was because I thought Dan would never return my feelings. But now I knew he did...

What was I doing?