Should I Stay?

Where is your boy tonight

DAN POV~

Surprisingly, it wasn't the first day that was the loneliest. It was the second.

For the first day, I pretty much spent the entire time lying on Phil's bed staring at the ceiling and crying. I was a wreck. I knew it was stupid, because it wasn't like he'd died or anything, but I felt so lost, and I missed him so much.

That day reached a low when I sprayed the aftershave he'd left behind on my pillow, breathing in his scent as I dragged it into his room and lay back down on the bed.

Eventually I decided that I should probably eat something even though the thought of food made me want to throw up so I made my way to the kitchen.

"Phil, what would you..." I trailed off, realising what I had just said. Numbly, I grabbed a packet of crisps out of the cupboard and went back to his room. I almost sat on his bed but then I remembered he didn't like it when I left crumbs all over the sheets, so I sat on the floor, nibbling on the edge of one of the crisps.

I then resumed my place on his bed, and fell asleep early in the morning, exhausted from all the crying.

The second day was awful.

It finally hit me he was gone. And wasn't coming back.

I was so lonely. I kept making jokes and asking him questions, only to find I was answered with a silence so loud it made my ears hurt.

I guessed he was probably off the plane by then, so I continuously checked my phone hoping for a message, but nothing appeared.

He was off, in America. Why would he bother texting me, his boring English friend? He was probably happy to leave. Maybe he'd realised that he didn't love me, and that saying that was all a huge mistake. Maybe he just said that to make me feel better, because he knew I thought no one loved me. Maybe he had wanted to move out all along but felt he couldn't because he didn't want to upset me, so he decided to do it this way.

Even with all these thoughts running through my head I still felt excited every time my screen lit up, but every time I was disappointed.

Isn't love supposed to be all happy and carefree and perfect? That's how movies always show it. It's always happy ever after, no matter what the huge problem they had to overcome was.

Apparently that's not how it is in the real world. I guessed I had fooled myself into thinking that that's what would happen, and we'd be together forever and all that shit.

I thought about what he was doing. He was probably in his new flat, getting things sorted out, dancing around to Fall Out Boy with a huge grin on his face like he did when we moved in.

Time passed. Minutes seemed like hours. I performed the necessary actions to stay alive, until an alert on my phone told me I would usually do a liveshow soon.

I decided to attempt to get some normality in my life, and tweeted. I opened up my laptop and pulled up YouNow, signed in and began to broadcast.

I couldn't think of anything to say. I just froze. The comments were blowing up with questions about Phil leaving, and I couldn't think straight, I attempted to greet them with my usual 'Hello Internet', but my mouth went dry and I sat there opening and closing my mouth with no sound coming out.

I did the only thing I could think of. Which was slam the computer lid shut.

That was a mistake.

My twitter flared up with a whirlwind of messages asking what happened. I replied saying YouNow had crashed, even though I knew, and they knew, that it was not true at all.

I've never done anything like that before. I've always been able to cope, to at least do something when I've been in a difficult position, but I just didn't know what to do.

I was trying to make sense of what was going on, but it felt like inside my head was just marshmallow, thick and sticky.

I tried to calm down. I lay on my bed scrolling through song after song, before settling on Where Is Your Boy Tonight by Fall Out Boy.

Where is your boy tonight

I hope he is a gentlemen

Maybe he won't find out what I know:

You were the last good thing about this part of town.

PHIL POV~

As soon as I got off the plane I knew what I had to do.

And I ran.