Anathema

Love Struck-Is Cameron Good or Bad?

Let's jump to the second week of November.

Cameron hadn't talked to me in almost a month. But then out of the blue he texted me.

Cameron: Would you like to meet up?

Me: Um why? You haven't talked to me in like a month.

Cameron: Don't be like that lets just meet up so we can hang out.

Me: Sure I guess. Meet me where we first met.

Cameron: Ok.

-----------------------------------------------

As the next day approached, I was super nervous. What if he just wanted to be mean to my face? What was his problem anyways? He ignored me for a month straight and now he wants to meet up with me? I really didn't understand.

I woke up at three in the morning, crying. I kept having dreams about self harming, I had never tried it but now I was considering it. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't. I stayed up and got ready for school. I wore black skinny jeans with a KISS t shirt.

I started getting weed from the upperclassmen stoners. I smoked from a soda can that I made into a pipe because I didn't have money to buy a pipe. I smoked before school and after school, sometimes during school but I tried not to do that.

I didn't want to get caught smoking at school. That was the last thing I needed. I was already failing a class, if my mom found out I was smoking too, she'd literally kill me.

While walking to the bus stop I smoked a cigarette and listened to some music. The bus finally arrived, late as usual. Of course I never have anyone to sit with so I sat alone and continued listening to music. A little Arctic Monkeys to start off my day. 

I drifted to sleep and woke up a few blocks before we got to school. I was tearing up a bit but I stopped myself so I wouldn't draw attention.
///
Something about crying seems to always get people's attention. I don't like that because I tend to cry a lot. People will come up to and ask if I'm okay and my response is almost always the same, "You don't know me, why are you taking to me?"

Then they walk away huffing and puffing about how I'm such a bitch. It's not that I'm a bitch, I'm just scared. Scared of making friends because mine all left me behind.
///
As we arrive to school I pop out one headphone so I can hear what's going on around me. I walk down the little steps off of the bus and put the headphone back in my ear as I walk to my spot.

It's getting really cold now that it's November so I go inside the building and find another secluded spot for the winter. As I walk, a few upperclassmen girls pass me and giggle. I don't think much of it because I am probably the most disgusting thing on this campus.

I finally find a new spot, it's in the very back of the cafeteria. All by myself i sit on the floor and pull out the book I'm reading, Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. I really relate to the main character in this book. We have a lot in common.

As I sit, I notice people staring, two boys. When I look up they look away. I quickly look back down at my book. This goes on for about three minutes before one of them starts laughing. I smirk because his face looks funny when he's laughing, I shouldn't have smirked.

"Wow! It smiles!!" Exclaims the one who laughed. The other one looked shocked and simultaneously twenty heads snapped around to look at me.

Oh no.

I feel fear rising up inside of me. I look for an escape. Searching frantically, I find a door. As I am rushing out, someone purposely knocks my book right out of my hands. Before I know what I'm doing, I knock their breakfast tray out of their hands. I hear silence, the cafeteria has gone completely silent.