A Happy Accident

You mean that?

Lindsey stood, staring at her after those words came out of her mouth. He didn't need her to tell him, he knew it. He knew it from the way she kissed him, how she responded to him, how she was so worked up about it, clearly overruled by her emotions and her heart, when she attempted to talk it out with him. Twice.

He showed her to go inside, as he closed the door and looked, strangely, completely defeated. "I can only echo your words, Stevie, please don't hurt me again. Whether you believe it or not, I do have human emotions and this going back and forth with you... it's not good for me."

Initially, wanting to blow up, she restrained herself, saying... "But you started it, Lindsey. You were the one who took that first step and not just when we had sex, you told me you're in love with me, too."

"I know and hearing you feel the same for me, it makes me so happy, but at the same time..." He hung his head low before continuing. "I realize that we can't go anywhere from here, we're stuck."

"Well, didn't you say how this time might be different?"

"And you didn't believe me."

"Because I'm not sure you believe it yourself." She hugged herself around the middle, feeling vulnerable, as she had opened up to him and it seemed like he was going back on what he said. "You told me, you feel like you're wasting your life. I feel like I'm settling for second best..."

He lifted his eyes up, heartbeat picking up pace. "I thought-"

"I love Robert, he makes me feel wonderful and I know he's the right man for me if I want to live out the rest of my days without worrying and being happy. But I've always been the kind of person who can't do well in life without passion, without being in love. These past few years I've spent with him, have truly been some of the best. We're good for each other, but... I don't want to marry a man just to be married. True, it's nice having someone with you always, who will cuddle you close and sooth you to sleep with their voice, but no matter how great that is, I know that I will never stop wishing it was you."

"What are you saying exactly?"

"I don't want an affair, I'm too old for that. I want you, Lindsey, all of you, not when you can sneak out and see me at my place, not in the early hours of the morning, not in hotel rooms or in dressing rooms. If you mean what you say, that you love me and this time could be different, then... then I want that."

"You... you mean that?"

She nodded, her eyes full of tears, as she stopped fighting them back, once he closed the distance between them and pulled her in his arms, nearly crushing her, he was holding on so tight.

"I want that more than anything else, Steph, I do..." It was only at certain moments he would call her that, it usually had to be emotional and he had to be saying something he truly meant from deep down. "But even thinking about... about sitting down with Will and Leelee, Stella wouldn't even understand yet... looking at their precious innocent faces..." He felt her trying to escape his embrace, but he didn't let her. "It's mortifying and I have no idea how I'll be able to do that, but I'll do it. Somehow I will, you mean so much to me that I can't just let you slip away from me again."

"You have to be serious, Lindsey. I will not survive you lying to me about this once more." She looked up at him with pleading eyes, as he nodded and took her by the hand, walking them to the bedroom.

He sat down on the bed, bringing her down on his lap, his arms circling her waist, as she lay her head on his. "I understand it's not very easy to believe me..."

"It's not. I'm willing to throw away a perfectly good, healthy relationship for you. Again. I always do that, but at this point in my life, I can't have you changing up your mind. If you promise me that we will have a future together, then okay, I'll... I'll end things with Robert and wait for you. And I will, I did so for the past ten years already. I'm not going to pressure you and keep nagging you to end your marriage, but you must know, there is a limit to my patience as well."

"I do, of course I do and I can't believe how you've always been so selfless about this." He said, kissing her cheek, as then she took his face in her hands, making him focus on her.

"I can't help the way I feel. Sometimes I wish I could change it, that I knew how not to love you, but then..." She sighed, stroking the side of his face. "Then I take it back. All the pain we've caused each other is nothing compared to how we make each other feel. After all these years, my heart still flutters when you walk in the room and I get goosebumps, when you touch me. I sometimes think that you're the absolute worse drug I have ever tried."

"Well, in that case, I'm glad you can't kick the habit." Lindsey half smiled, gripping her chin gently with his thumb and pointing finger, bringing her in for a kiss.

"I don't think I want to." Stevie shook her head and wrapped her arms around his neck, staying this way in silence for some time.

"I couldn't be happier you came to see me tonight and told me everything; how you feel and what you want."

"It took a lot of courage to do that."

"I do love you, Steph. Don't doubt it and I will try to make things right for us."

She gave a small nod, suddenly feeling tired. "Can I stay with you?"

"You actually thought I was going to let you go?"

She smiled, shrugging her shoulders, as he let her stand up and they got in bed, him bringing their bodies close together, as he spooned her from behind, pressing several kisses to her hair, before they whispered goodnight and I love you's to each other.

This could turn out to be the biggest mistake of her live, but she loved and trusted him enough to dare and take that risk.