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Chapter 4: Forgive Me for Everything

Chapter 4: Forgive me for everything.

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"In the time before I truly turned from you, I had dreamt. Dreamed of normal days we could never get back. Dreams I wish I could stay ensnared in forever..."

Rin POV

I awoke from my dream, its sweet reveries made my chest ache from a broken heart and my eyes wet from fresh, salty tears.

The dreams would be a problem, of course. I needed a steel heart to survive in Gahenna. The few days I had been here, I had to constantly act like a son of a bitch, just to get respect. No stuttering, no love, no mercy. If I was to be accepted, I needed to be like the other residents of Gahenna. Cold, Empty, a Demon.

And I was a demon, completely. I had found it so easy to think like them. It was Instinct. The driving force in you to do what your body needs. To kill. To feed. That I had not truly done it myself yet. Each time I try to stay in control of my body, doing as I want instead of my instinct wants. But instinct takes control, savagely doing more damage than needed. I must have been a Monster in soul as well.

Speaking of souls, I think mine might be dwindling, or changing, or I don't know what. It's just... each day; it truly is getting easier to think like them. I don't feel as I push past people lower than me in the hall ways, kill those insubordinate. I could forgive myself. My consciousness is just not there anymore. I fear what would happen if I met my... once friends. I could hurt them...

No, I wanted to hurt them. They had so little faith in me, their friend. I was in a state of pure instinct, I couldn't trust myself, and when I tried to apologize, they didn't listen. The scary part is I don't really care anymore... I keep becoming less me.

I need to try to preserve my true self.

Sitting up, I brushed back my long, nappy hair over my shoulder. I swung my legs over my bed and stood, making my way to the very big, posh bathroom.

After a quick shower and a significantly long time brushing my hair, I got dressed in a simple black robe with silver trim.

The clothing in Gahenna was pretty simple, mostly robes. Not that I cared.

I had a meeting with my father today about something he said was important regarding my "Coronation."

Surprisingly, even though one would think the Hierarchy in Gahenna would be disheveled and misshapen, it was pretty organized, and I had to actually be crowned as a prince to actually be a prince. It was a pain in the ass.

The coronation also seemed to be a ritual, the details I had yet to learn. It scared me substantially.

I pushed thoughts of the Ritual out of my head as I exited my room and made my way to my father's throne.

The hall ways in this castle where long, twisting and dark, lit by blue flame. One could easily get lost, but over my stay here, I had managed to get around.

I passed a couple of higher level demons in the hall ways. Some gave me respect, others gave me hateful looks and distain, which I returned with an empty look and a mightier than thou posture.

I soon reached the biggest door I had seen. Even the biggest doors in the Vatican could not compare to it. It was black marble, outlined with gold, and the gold at the top seemed to be dripping down on decaying wings.

As I stood in front of the door, it opened on its own, and my robe flapped behind me, even though my posture was one of pure confidence. When the doors where open completely, I walked up to my father who was on his throne, watching as two hobgoblins tore each other up for his amusement.