Corporal ((ON HOLD))

Chapter Twelve

These next few days were going to be strict for the cadets, us squad leader are working them to the ground to prepare them for the expedition. Even though a large amount of them will die anyway.

"Run faster!" I Shouted to my new and old squad, my new cadets being, Connie, Sasha, Armin, Jean, and Ymir.
They huffed as they quickened
Their pace.

"Do you want to be Titan bait? Faster!" I screamed walking up and and down the rows of running cadets. I smirked as everyone was now running the exact speed I'm looking for.

"Excellent! Find a partner and spare till I get back!" I announced.

I walked towards HQ where Levi's squad is stationed. I opened the door seeing Petra sitting on the table in front of Levi as he drank his tea. My glare reached Petra's and it was an instant stare off.

Why the hell was she allowed back here?!

I started walking towards them, my glare not leaving Petra's tired face.
Levi stood up and walked in front of Petra, protecting her from my wrath.

I looked at Levi, my fist bawled.

"Why the hell is she back here." I growled through gritted teeth.

"She's one of our top ranking solider, and Erwin said that we need more strength for this expedition." Levi replied stoically. "So she's joining Special Operations, again."

"Of course this is Erwin's doing." I whispered looking to the side.

"Why are you protecting her Levi." I spat trying to walk around Levi, who continued to block each passage.

"Erwin's Orders." He said plainly.
"You aren't to be this close to her, even if she's with me." He added. My eyes widened, she's on his squad, I'll never get to talk or even get close to him if she's around.

"How are we suppose to continue this relationship if we can't ever talk to each other?" I say, tears threatening to spill, I didn't want to hear what he had to say next.

He took a deep breath and looked down at me, he put his hand on my shoulder and spoke with all sincerity,

"We shouldn't have love on the battlefield." He released his arm from my shoulder and I looked down, processing what he had just said. A tear feel down my cheek and I wiped it away fast, I sniffled and looked up at him with fire burning in my eyes.

"Maybe you're just not the one for me." I growled, turning on my heels and walking off to return to my squad.

Tears threaten as I walked, but I held them in. If I'm gonna defeat the Titans, crying over men aren't gonna defeat them.

~

Tomorrow was the day, the day we go to help save humanity ones more.

Cadets stood In front of the large wooden stage that was set up for squad leaders to exchange words with all of the cadets, everyone had gone and now it was my turn. Instead of making this speech into a terrifying death speech I'm gonna try and take it to the bright side. I walked to the front of the stage. Squad leader standing in a line across the stage behind me. I cleared my throat and stood tall.

"Hello 104th trainees, or should I say Members of the Survey Corps. Tomorrow you will be going on your first real Expedition. You were picked for squads, depending on who you have on your team or for your squad leader you should be thankful. Us Squad leader put our hearts into making a new generation of soldiers." I saluted my fellow soldiers and continued on with my speech.
"All though some of you may perish, please remember you did not die in Vain, you pass helping the world move forward, you made an impact on this world even if you only killed one Titan." I looked towards Armin who stood in the middle row, everyone laughed as Armin's face grew red.

"But you will be remembered as humanity's soldier, and nothing you do further more will change that, whether you die to a Titan or you die of yourself. And If that second one is the way you go, I hope you remember your not alone in this, I once stood there on a chair, a rope tied tightly around my neck, as I was ready to go when I lost everyone of my friends around me. But as I stood on that wobbling chair, looking out at the bright moon. I thought to myself, is this worth it? Could I possible help humanity? As I was thinking about this, the last possible person who could have cared about me came into that room, I won't reveal who that person is, but I'll give you a clue, He was close to my heart, even though he broke it. So I'll end my speech with this. All of you should be ready to give your life for humanity.
Die for Humanity!" I saluted and everyone followed raising their fist the hearts,
"Die for Humanity!" The crowd shouted. I smiled as I walked off stage brushing Levi who was staring at me as I left.

I opened the door to my room, the emptiness of my room filled my heart, as I no longer will have someone to hold me close at night. I stumbled to my bed collapsing onto it. I grabbed the pillow and stuffed my face in it, in effort to drown out my lonely sobs. 
I curled up into a ball and cried, I cried to the point where I fell asleep. To me crying yourself to sleep is the best feeling, you just lose yourself in your dreams.

I was awoken by silent knocks at my door. My eyes fluttered up and I sat up slowly; rubbing my puffy, red eyes. It was now night and the moon shined through my window slightly dusting my room with light. I looked over at the clock as it was 3AM. Why was anyone knocking at my door at 3AM when we have an expedition in a few hours?
I arose from my bed, slightly wobbling to regain my balance as I made my way to the door.

I slowly opened the door until it was slammed open by the visitor. My eyes widened as I saw Levi's stand in front of me, eyes puffy and red.

"(F/N)..." His voice cracked as he wobbled towards me falling into my fragile arms.

"L-Levi?!" I shook him slightly until I heard something I never though I could hear from him. He was crying, sobbing into my shirt. He looked so vulnerable and frail. He slowly stopped and stood up, connecting our eyes.

"I'm sorry." Is all he said. I looked up at him astonished. "I know I have hurt you so many times, to many to count. But today when you were giving your speech, and when you put in the fact that i came in seconds before you were going to kill yourself, I couldn't help but feel like an utter loser. I know all that you've suffered from and I continue to hurt you. I love you (F/N) so much but I can't keep hurting you anymore. And I know that it hurts you for me to say this but we just can't be together. I'm incapable of providing someone with love I don't have the function."

I started up into his steel eyes, they showed sadness and hurt. My eyes weakened and I hugged him tightly.

"You can learn! I can teach you!" I said in hopes of keeping him as my own. But he just shook his head softly.

"I can't go through the heartbreak of losing you, I can't go through that again (F/N). I'm afraid I might just break if I were to lose you when we were in love." He spoke softly holding my cheek in hand. I began to cry, softly but still tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Is it Petra...are you in love with her?" I asked stupidly like he was perhaps in love with her. He shook his head no.
"If I make it out alive after this expedition, your heart is mine once more Levi. But if I perish, may your heart move on to another." I said fisting his shirt tightly, gritting my cheek.

"Then promise me something (F/N)."

"Anything."

"You will live."

"I promise."