Letters for you (Michael Clifford)

Day 96

THURSDAY

Venice's POV

"Luke, what the f-"

"Holy shit! Don't curse, V!" Luke stumbles as he climbs in my window. Idiot.

"What the hell are you doing here?"  I threw a pillow towards Luke's direction, him luckily ducking to miss the hit. He sits himself beside me, grabbing his own slice of pizza. "The real question is, why are you having a party without me?" I shrugged and picked the pineapple topping from his slice. "It's a school day tomorrow, what's up with you?" I shrugged again. Luke whines and tried to steal the last slice but I slapped his hand away. "Cmon, V."

"Shut up, Luke." I took a bite from the last slice, and Luke giggled. He fucking giggled.

"Seriously, V. What's wrong?" I sighed, sliding the box of pizza under the table, turning my body to face Luke. His eyebrows knitted, hair flattened, and also wearing a penguin pyjamas. "I don't know, I just..." I shook my head. I don't even know how to start, hell, I don't even know how to put it in words.

"I... Jesus, fuck. I can't do this." I stood up making my way towards my bed, Luke's footsteps could be heard. The bed dips down from the side. I sighed, burying my head under the pillows. The silence was deafening, but Luke didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say. I was the one who should. But I didn't know how to.

"V, look. This is about Michael right?" I groaned, of course it was about him. It's always about him. I can't seem to wrap my fucking mind that he shouldn't be in my mind. It's been months now, and every single thing that can connect some wires ignites the memory lanes we have. It's frustrating. It's depressing. It's annoying. It's stupid.

"Who is Michael for you?" I rolled on my back, staring at the ceiling. Who was Michael, really? What was so important of him that I got overly attached to him to the point I can't keep my mind off him. It was one of the most destructive and secured thing I ever did; being emotionally and physically attached. I'm not even sure if he sees me that way, or feels the same way. I was confused, then he left. That was it.

"Michael..." I start off. I bit my lower lip, preventing it from trembling. Be strong. "He was my only friend. We met when I moved here, his mum and my mum instantly clicked. We were forced to play with each other during our baby years, sometimes my mom would even treat him like her own more than she does to me. I never complained. His mum treats me the same way. We grew up with each other's presence. We were the outcasts from grade school to middle school, but those years were the best. We spent almost every day of our lives together. I became so dependent on him, not realising that I have my own life too. I wasn't familiar with pain, Michael tries his very best to conceal the pain, or to take it away from me. He has the determination of a warrior, the heart of a brother, and the affection of a... significant other." I was surprised I haven't shed a tear, expecting myself to break down or something. But I didn't. Luke held a grip on my hand, his body beside mine, staring into space.

"He made me happy, Luke. That's what made him different. Everyone else sees me as the outcast, the different one in the society, the unsocial freak. But Michael made me feel otherwise. I was so used to what he makes me feel, only ending up with nothing but pain when he decided to disappear. It hurts so much, Luke. Oh god..." I tried to blink away the tears, Luke shushing and rubbing random patterns on my hand. "I just... I wish I couldn't feel, I wish I couldn't care, I wish I could stop cause it hurts so much. It fucking hurts." I couldn't hold it in, I sobbed. Luke sat up and pulled me closer, embracing me as the tears fell, my feelings pouring itself out of my bottled emotions. It was too much. It hurts so much.

"Michael makes me cry, but nobody can make me smile like he did. He can make me mad, but nobody can make me laugh like he did." I let out choked sobs, breathing in slow pace in attempt to calm myself. It was no use. "He stresses me out but nobody can make me happy than he did. Although it seems that leaving me would be a good idea for him, I just feel so wrong with the thought that I lost Michael maybe because of something from what I did, or what I have failed to do. I... It hurts. Nothing makes sense, nothing feels the way it's supposed to, nothing feels right." I wipe my tears with the back of my hand, sniffing as Luke holds me closer. I wish he would say anything, other than this silence, my sobs heard around my room. I hate crying. I may be a tough cookie looking from the outside, but I can cry over the most little things. I felt like a baby.

I tried to stop my cries, holding to Luke's shirt for dear life as I catch my breath before I end up hyperventilating. "Shhh, just let it out. Don't hold it in, V. It will hurt more than it should. Learn to let your emotions flow, that's what humans are made for; to understand. And I will understand everything." Luke's hand wiping my wet cheeks, his eyes boring into mine, I looked away. "V." He calls out, I couldn't face him, not like this. In this emotional state. I felt so weak, so inferior. Luke cups my cheek, forcing me to look at him directly in his eyes. I wish I could read emotions. Those blue eyes holds so much of them, yet I couldn't tell a right one from it. "Listen to me,okay?" I nodded. There wasn't any other option. I couldn't run away, I couldn't ignore this, It's inevitable.

"Don't be ashamed to cry. This is Luke, okay? Your Lucas, or Lucifer, or whatever. It's okay to cry. Crying does not indicate that you are weak, V. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive."

And I did. I cried, pouring every emotions I have bottled up inside. Luke never said anything else, he was just holding me throughout my break down. It was a very comforting feeling, his warmth calming me down, and his embrace keeping me sane.

Luke never left that night, and I was glad he didn't.

-

[A/N]

Comment down your thoughts or theories! I get so motivated ;) thanks for putting up with me! x