Letters for you (Michael Clifford)

Day 133

Venice's POV

People always say that it hurts at night and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3 am is the romantic equivalent of being broken and devastated. But sometimes it's 9 am on a Tuesday morning and you're standing at the kitchen bench waiting for the toast to pop up and the smell of dusty sunlight and early grey tea makes you miss him so much.

"Ow! Luke what the fuck!"

Nothing beats the feeling of craving a very happy vibe. All these weeks, I've never really imagined I'd find myself outside my room with a tight smile etched on my face and a bunch of idiots scurrying around the room because of a small dog brought by Calum Hood himself.

"Calum, get it away! It's licking my foot! It's so unhygienic, please." Ashton was sat on the counter shooing the poor pup away while the other two idiots were dying out of laughter from the corner. I didn't want to intrude their 'prank' but obviously Ashton wasn't afraid of dogs, he's just so worried for his foot.

"If Michael was here he'd be like 'omg! This inhuman thing is licking my foot get it off!'" Calum smacked Ashton's nape. "Right?" He hissed but Calum flicked him off and apologised. I shook my head, dismissing the subject. I was shocked myself that I'm taking this so easily, but all the credit goes to the comforting hand on my shoulder. Luke's.

"It's fine, guys. It's okay." I wish it was. "Ven-"

"Really." I assured them and Luke asked me to pick up his phone from my room so he could call for pizza. The fucktard really does know how to get rid of me. I gave them a nod and proceeded upstairs. Luke started scolding them the moment I left the room, but I didn't bother to stop them, I had enough battle for myself.

Picking Luke and I's phone, I decided to wear Luke's sweater from my bed. His phone lit up with Liz's message and I sent her a quick text he's here with me. Liz was so caring for Luke I was almost envious. I never really had a proper conversation with my own mum for a while now and I'm supposed to be worried, but the thing was, I was getting used to it, It was like a normal thing for us not to talk like the old times. The faded times.

I didn't bother to slow down my pace as I walk down the stairs. I kept a firm grip on Luke's phone as I pass the wall beside me with frames of pictures I wanted so badly to remove but in respect of his existence, I didn't.

Muffled voices were shushed none other by Luke Hemmings with his hands gripping his hair and frustratingly pacing back and forth across the room. The boys hasn't noticed my foot slipping up so I took a step back and draw myself with my back against the wall, their voices ever heard so clearly.

"Luke! Will you just listen-" It was obvious that Ashton was so done with whatever conversation they were having by the sound of his voice booming around the room. Whatever it is, I still don't know. Having Ashton to grunt confirms that Luke disagreed yet again to his friend.

"Why do you care so much anyway? It's not like it's gonna make any difference having you-" I didn't get the chance to hear their voices. Luke's phone rang a few times more, I rolled my eyes. Approaching the living room with three pairs of eyes looking at me as if contemplating whether to ignore me or acknowledge me.

The ringing has stopped the moment I passed Luke his phone. He had his eyes set on Ashton, giving him a glare. The reason? I don't know.

Calum excused himself out the room followed by Ashton, leaving Luke awkwardly fumbling with the hem of the cushion from the sofa. His eyes wandered everywhere but never met mine. He's nervous. He's scared. Something's up.

"Luke?" I call him out but got nothing from him. I ignored the loud footsteps from the stairs and sat next to Luke. I propped my right arm and placed my chin on my palm, just staring at him, not to make him feel uncomfortable, but it's rare to see this side of Luke. He's always been the one who knows what to say in every situation, and having him right now with avoided glances makes me want to fight the world for whatever's bothering him.

A few minutes passed when he finally sighed and gave me a curious look. "Aren't you gonna ask what you heard or what I'm thinking?" I gave him a smile and he continued to stare at me as if I've gone mad. "I'm not gonna ask you. I'm waiting for you to tell me.

"You once told me to never rush things, wait for the moment of acceptance. I'm not expecting anything, 'cause on the contrary, you said expecting would be setting yourself up for a failure." I didn't know where I found the strength to speak that way, I was never the one to give advices. I merely can't even fix myself.

I thought what I said didn't making sense at all, until Luke breathed heavily for a few seconds and looked at me with a small smile. "You do know I really care about you, right?"

"Clear as ever." I was assuring him, though it seems like he's mostly assuring to himself. "I know you care too, Vi. I can feel it." That I didn't reply. I looked away once he set a smile on his face and stared somewhere

"I just-"

Luke was once again interrupted by his phone ringing, he pointed a finger at me and his face went rigid for a second. He muttered a "We'll be there." Then he hang up. I completely made a fool out of myself when I stood up, only to be told to stay where I was while he called out the others from upstairs. I thought 'we' included me. Guessed I was wrong when Luke announced they need to leave right then and there.

"Vi, everything's fine. We just gotta sort something out." I tried to ask why can't I come, not to be overly attached, but having the house with no one but your own company was definitely not a good feeling from recent events.

Once they left the house, hearing the door slammed close, I felt the surge of annoyance. What's with that something I can't be part of? I mean, I'm a jealous person, I can't really help it. I'm insecure and I worry about everything. I have this constant fear that if I let someone in, I'll give them my whole heart and they'll only give me half of theirs. I worry that I'll end up alone and heart broken once again, something I dearly do not need. I'm always scared that if I give someone my heart, they'll find someone better; someone with less problems and less drama. I can't really help it, this "not good enough" thing. I wish I could give myself wholeheartedly to someone and they would give the same back, but any time it has happened, they end up leaving me in misery.

"I know you care too, Vi." Luke's words ringing in my head, and I couldn't help but feel guilty. I had a reason. So much reasons. But one thing's for sure—I act like I don't fucking care cause I'm so fucking scared.