Dirty Diana (MJ FanFic)

Chapter 1

~~.~~ AT THE SESSION ~~.~~

"As I am looking at these photos and old footage of you, it's hard to believe that this little girl and you are the same person." My psychiatrist says, adjusting her glasses on her face.

"Yeah, I can't believe it myself." I comment, laying back on the comfy, but worn out couch that I have become accustomed to over these past few months.

She pushes the papers in her lap and looks up at me, clasping her hands together. "How did it get like this?" She questions.

"It wasn't voluntary. It really came out of nowhere. My friends, temptations, my domineering spirit. It just... kind of showed up one day." I answer honestly. I often wish there was a warning label attached to my forehead -CAPABLE OF BREAKING HEARTS, PROCEED WITH CAUTION-

"How?" She asks, leaning forward, making the bangles on her wrist dance.

"One day I met a rockstar and as I was talking to him, I realized then that I had a very persuasive personality and I got him to do what I wanted. Very easily." I explain, reliving the moments that led me to this couch.

"You didn't think much of it?" She asks, getting her small pad out, and taking notes.

"Not in the beginning. I actually used it to my advantage, as you can see, but when it came to a head, I realized it was a bad, very bad, and dangerous thing." I shudder, fiddling with my fingernails. He gave me these nervous habits, I never had these nervous tendencies before him.

"At least you realized it. I know your friends didn't. What drove you to start doing that?" She asks while writing some more notes down.

I look up at her, pondering her question for a moment. "I... don't really know. I just liked the idea of, not really controlling people, but being able to get what I wanted without any problem. It's like being a career serial killer or something. I mean, not to sound morbid, but you know what I mean, getting away with something so easily. It's a great feeling. I didn't have a troubled childhood or neglectful parents or an abusive boyfriend. I was normal. It just... happened and I took advantage." I answer, wondering to myself just how I let it get this bad. I was normal. I was normal.

"You have been with many famous rockstars. The most noted, however, is Michael. Tell me about him." She smiles, probably having waited for the moment she could ask me about him.

My cheeks flush and I feel the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. "Oh, I loved Michael. I almost didn't go with him, but I'm glad I did. Michael opened my eyes. Not to mention, he was the best I ever had." I add, feeling my insides churning with desire just thinking about being with him.

She clears her throat. "I recall you telling me before that you had to act off of instinct when you were with Michael. How so?" She asks, pushing her glasses back up on her face.

"He is a very uncommon person. If you don't take advantage when you have the chance you will lose it for good. It's not like you would be able to catch him at home or at a hotel, like the regular, rich, cheating husbands. Then again, you couldn't with any of the rockstars I've been with. But, Michael was different. I spent a lot of money and time to stay with him. He is hard to get to." I retort. Lots of sacrifices too.

"We're you in love with Michael?" She asks, the pen in her hand ready to write down my answer.

I shake my head. "Not at the time. I couldn't be. Not the way I was thinking. I only loved being with him and I think you know what that consisted of. I wasn't capable of love at the time, I was too full of myself. My judgment was always clouded. I couldn't see the bigger picture. After that was over, I saw 'the light' I guess. But I am now. In love with him." I admit, the first time I actually admitted to myself that I was in love with Michael.