1. That moment when you think you're over someone but they're still wedged under the car.
2. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
3. Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
4. The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
5. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the fuck? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!
6. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
8. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun'.
9. Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: ‘Hold my purse.
10. I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
11. Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
12. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh’ and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
13. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
14. A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.
15. Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
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Funny facts about life
HumorApparently these things I think up are funny. Everyone says so at school so why not post them on wattpad?
