1. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
2. My mind is like a steel trap, deadly and illegal in 37 American states.
3 . Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
5 . I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
6. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
7. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
8. I can handle pain until it hurts.
9. No matter where you go, you're there.
10. Gravity always gets me down.
11. This statement is false.
12.They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
13. It's bad luck to be superstitious.
14. According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
15. Teacher: You learned this last term! You should remeber it!
Me: I don't even remeber what I had for breakfast today!
16. A day without sunshine is like, night.
17. Life is too complicated in the morning.
18.We are all part of the ultimate statistic -- ten out of ten die.
19. Nobody's perfect. I'm Nobody.
20. Ask me about my vow of silence.
21. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
24. I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
25. What's another word for "thesaurus"?
26. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
27. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
28. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
29. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
30. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
31. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
32. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone!
33. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
34. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work they are supposed to be doing.
35. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
36. Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious.
37. Depression n. - Anger without enthusiasm.
38. Death is a part of life. It's just a lot less scary and painful than the rest of it.
39. If I throw a stick, will you go away?
40. I don't need your attitude I have one of my own.
41. I fear my inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
42. Lying is such a strong word, I prefer, editing the truth.
43. I wish pictures and mirrors could agree on what I really look like.
44. A baby's laughter is the cutest thing in the world, until it's 2am, and you don't have a baby.
45. If there's something strange in the neighbourhood, who you gonna call? A psychiatrist!
46. Typing my name with my hands: Michelle
Typing my name with my nose: michelkm
Typing my name with my elbow: mkicvheloloe4
Slamming my face on the keyboard: Twilight Saga
47. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
48. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
49. Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse” has never stepped on one.
50. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
51. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
52. If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
53. Hallmark Card: “I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re still here.”
54. A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
55. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
56. When in doubt, mumble.
57. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
58. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
59. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
60. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
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Ta da!
Happy?
Kay.
I will update more regularly I promise!
Peace out! <3
- SilvaCat
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Funny facts about life
הומורApparently these things I think up are funny. Everyone says so at school so why not post them on wattpad?
