Rollercoaster (CaKe Fanfic)

9. Hurt

CARA

I ran out of the school and drove home, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't believe what I just saw. I ran to my room upstairs, and cried into my pillow. I guess I deserved it though. This must be how it feels like to get heartbroken. Jeez... I can't believe I have done this to so many girls, and I can't even take it once. But it's different than the other times. This time I actually felt something. I never wanted anything else than Kendall, and Kendall only. I wanted her. I was in love with her! But she still broke my heart. Karma I guess.

But I can't help but to hope Kendall was saying the truth. But I know that I also said the truth, that it doesn't matter which one of them who started the kiss, she still responded. And I don't think I ever want to see her again. But that's not true. Because I want her here, in my bed, saying that everything was a dream. A nightmare. But it isn't. And she isn't. 

As I cried into my already wet pillow, someone called me on my phone. I saw that it was Kendall, and I tried to convince myself that she will only hurt me more if I answered, but yet I can't resist her voice.

"Cara...!" she said desperate. "Cara I'm sorry! I know you have all the right to be mad at me, but please let me explain what happened!"

I didn't say anything.

"Hello?"

I wanted her to really mean it. I wanted her to really want me to talk to her.

"Cara? Are you there?"

And at last, she hung up. 

And it just made me cry even more. She couldn't even fight for my voice. I guess she never wanted me. If that is so, I'll never let her have me. But the words played on my mind, never say never. And if she can't fight for me, I'll fight for us both. But if she doesn't want me? It seems like she doesn't even care.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Why did Becca, my best friend, kiss Kendall!? She's just as guilty as Kendall, if not even more. So I called her.

"WHAT THE HELL BECCA!?!?!?!?" I yelled when she answered.

Silence...

"BECCA ANSWER ME!" I was sooo angry.

"Cara calm down!"

"I'LL CALM DOWN WHEN YOU EXPLAIN!"

"FINE! I was jealous of you and Kendall, okay?"

I thought of it. It was definitely a lie.

"No" I said. "That's not true. Becca, just tell me!"

"What do you want me to say? It's not the first time this has happened!"

"WHAT!? YOU'VE KISSED BEFORE!?" I kind of got a rage.

"NOO!!!" she quickly answered. "I mean that when I am just goofing around with a girl, I can see you making out with her the next second! I'm not worse than you Cara!"

It was true. This wasn't the first time. But it still was a difference.

"Yeah, but you weren't in love with that girl!"

"So? She was still mine! And Kendall was yours, what's the difference?" 

She just wouldn't give up.

"I actually have feelings for Kendall, and you don't even know what feelings are! That's. The. Difference!" I was losing my patience now.

"Cara just stop it! We both know you deserved this." she suddenly said.

"Oh so that's what it's all about? Payback?" I said while my teeth creaked by anger.

"Maybe" she said cocky.

"Bitch" I said and hung up. I couldn't take it anymore. And I was so alone. I wanted the pain to go away, and there was only one way out of this. So I drove to the school again.

"Cara?" Kendall said when I dragged her outside the school. I just put my hand on her mouth, and when I finally released my grip of her arm, I removed my hand from her mouth.

But she just crashed her lips on my lips.

"Stop" I said and broke the kiss. 

"Cara no I'm sorry! I never wanted to hurt you!" she begged.

"Why did you kiss her back then!?" I didn't have any patience left from my conversation with Becca.

She was speechless.

"Thought so!" I said and started to walk away. This didn't help at all.

"You did this to me too, you know!!" Kendall suddenly yelled. 

I turned around and walked over to her again. 

"What did you say?"

"You've done this to me too. And I walked onto you, and then you ran after me to the tree. It's exactly the same. And I bet that it even was you who started the kiss!"

It was true. But still not the same.

"Yeah, but that was before we were together!" I said.

"And do you mean that we were together now?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Really? Because I didn't know we were girlfriends. In fact, I don't even think I have gotten the question." she said stubborn.

I know she's right, but I was kind of hoping we were together. And I know none of us has asked, but I still thought it was clear.

"Wow..." I just said.

"What?"

"When I thought I couldn't get more hurt, you poured salt in my wounds." I said and stared at her disappointed. 

"Wait, Cara....!"

But it was too late. I was already walking over to my car. I sat in the car and drove home. I got so hurt by her words. Especially when she said that we weren't together. I really thought we were okay, but I guess we weren't.

We maybe never really was.

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