Fourth Wall

Act II: Chapter 5

I wasn't much for getting up early before. Being hardly able to cover ground without becoming exhausted didn't help. my legs had diminished badly in capacity while they were recovering. The moment I could limp away from Malak's home I did so and found my way back to the hills. My people haven't left for the season just yet. my tent was even still standing. It was all I could do not to just collapse on the ground and stay there.

For this reason I was still on my back watching the shadows of those far more motivated move around outside. No one in my tribe cared what I did, least of all my ailing father who clearly hadn't been looking for me in my absence. It took him months to check up on me sometimes.

I heard the shuffling at the tent flap. Apparently someone cared enough. how touching.

"are you there?"

anyone who knew me well would just have come in, knowing I wouldn't answer usually. This however was Letha, and she knew me only the once. "mmhm." I hadn't thought about her since the other day when I was preparing for Sarah Rose. To be fair I was a bit distracted though.

"it's Letha."

"I know who you are." why would she think I had forgotten? why hadn't I?

"where have you been all this time?"

she had been looking for me? odd. but at least someone was. She would have had to of been coming down here from where her people were camped, and more then once it seemed. "Out."

not that i owed her answer or anything.

she made a frustrated noise. "that's not an answer."

I was amazed she didn't just come in. It wasn't enough to keep me from laying back down and resolving to ignore her though.

"Do you want to join me down in the square?"

"the square...in Meridian? alright." my people almost never ventured down to the valley for anything but trade. even though it wasn't far from where we were at any given time.

she was silent long enough that I wondered if she heard me agree. "Now?"

"Give me a minute." If I was going down there I would have to put my town clothes back on. The ones that weren't filthy from simmering in my own filth in Malak's bed anyway.

"Meet me there." she hurried away. She wasn't going to wait for me to go down there with her. Was I disappointed?

~*~

I was there already. The sheer mass of people was beginning to unnerve me.

When I found her she was dressed in a decorative corset of ashen grey. Not the ones that Meridian women used to compress their ribs in order to look thinner, the decorative kind that some of the tribes that live near the city make to mimic them. It seemed she was rather bold with her fashion choices. or she was trying to impress me. It amused me to think so.

Even the sight of her couldn't distract me from the crowds and she followed my gaze as she came close.

"you want to shake them up don't you?"

I nodded once in assent. That was a game of mine, once. Before I got distracted. Scaring the people here in town. It had been losing it's edge compared to other things. But with two players, it had potential.

"dance with me?" she offered her hand.

That was not what I expected. It was not one of my favorite ordinary activities. I knew how of course. Both the way we did and the way the people down here did. Mostly by watching.

"There is no music, you know." I took the offered hand and held the other to her hip. Meridian style then.

"so use the music in your head."

How did she know about that? chances were she was kidding. still, I couldn't resist. "How did you know?"

"I hear it too." she loped up at me with amusement and the game continued. Enough people at the nearby cafe put down their forks to stare that it made it all worth it.

the joy didn't last forever though and we set off as far from the crowds as possible at my direction.

"any more ideas?"

"quite a few, but theres still far to many witnesses." a couple ways I could mean that.

"we don't have to stay her in town then. come on.." she ran off ahead of me.

~*~

"He never liked the pain. not giving it or receiving it"

We were sitting perched in a tree in the park meridian had set aside for children to play in. those that didn't just want to leave town presumably. They don't tend to allow that. No one was here, to my great pleasure since the only thing I loathe more then crowds of Merdian people it's their children.

Despite my desire to avoid the subject, we were talking about relationships. I never kept any sort of attachments beyond the occasional excuse for a friend or lover, so I scarcely could ever relate on the subject.

apparently the man courting her back in her own tribe wasn't into my kind of fun. I guess she would have like what I could do with Vision after all. maybe. if I still had it.

"I've scared a few. No matter what they claim about being okay with it, most of them don't imagine it." This was technically true. I had never had anyone enjoy being hurt. The lack of willingness had never bothered me before.

"Well there is at least one person who is not afraid." she was flirting and I knew it was coming. All our time together the air had been thick with it. I didn't know what to make of her intentions. She was considering another man. Thinking of tying her life to him. and yet here she was trying to get my interest. where were her morals that had moved her to stop me the other day? it was all so frustrating.

She was laying against me, facing away, but it's amazing how fast I can change that. In the next moment she was straddling my waist, staring at me unfazed by the sudden shift.

I entangled my fingers in her hair, my head turned in mock consideration, pretending like I was thinking what to do. I took her lips under mine then, because I had to. After what she said, I could't do otherwise.

Was this what intimacy was? I wasn't sure. I had not been shy around her to be sure. But there was a threshold here in this. Though nothing amazing happened. It just ended. She pulled her head back and took the moment with her.

For all the times I had enjoyed intimacy of all sorts, I never felt much of anything for the loss. I think I mourned in a small way that she pulled away before I was done.

She looked so pleased with herself. She knew as well as I did what would happen. I hate being predictable.

~*~

I walked her back to the border before she set off for her tribe's region again. I kept mostly silent. On the way out of the city I spotted a pale outline passing between buildings. There was no mistaking it. It was him. Kyo. No I'm not going to call him by his full name. not even in my own head.

I was certain he did not see me. From a distance the sight of him kept me still, unable to react. He did not see me. But I had to leave before he did. I hurried Letha along, hating myself because I was afraid to face him again.

~*~