DIECISEIS

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"Merry Christmas!" Niall giggles to Zayn over the phone. His boyfriend and his family are out of town visiting Zayn's grandma, but Niall is longing to hear his voice. "I love you!"

Zayn's laugh is warm in breathy in Niall's ear. "Merry Christmas to you, too, angel. I miss you."

"I miss you, too!" Niall is pouting. "I didn't even get to give you your present!"

"I haven't given you yours yet, either," Zayn points out. "To be honest, I'm a little nervous to."

"Nervous? Why?" Niall is confused. "You know I'll love whatever you get me. Like, you could get me a pair of underwear and I'd be grateful."

"I know you would." Zayn's voice is softer now, and butterflies erupt in Niall's stomach. He is amazed that even though they've been together for what altogether is a bit more than a year, the butterflies still haven't disappeared. "I'm more worried about what your response is going to be."

"You don't have to worry," Niall murmurs softly. "Every piece of me is tied to you."

Niall can hear Zayn's smile when he responds. "I love you, angel."

"I love you, too, babe."

- - -

Zayn, Niall, Harry, and Liam spend New Year's together. They all pile into Liam's van and drive a few hours to a cabin Liam's parents own. Liam snagged a bottle of vodka from his parents and when they get there, they all drink just enough to feel warm.

When Zayn kisses Niall, he can taste it on his tongue. The vodka is cupcake flavored, and it tastes even sweeter on Niall's lips.

"I never gave you your Christmas present," Zayn says, suddenly overwhelmed with realization.

"Oh. I'd forgotten," Niall mumbles absently. He'd given Zayn a watch and a promise, but he'd been too shy to say the promise out loud. "I never told you my promise either."

"That's right!" Zayn is smiling now, because they've both got something they owe each other. "Come on. Let's go outside." He takes Niall's hand. Liam's parents' cabin has a balcony that wraps around the side of the house. The snow is glistening in the moonlight, and Niall wraps a blanket around himself before sitting next to Zayn on the cold wooden deck. "Do you want to go first or should I?"

"You," Niall says, voice trembling because he's nervous.

Zayn nods. He hesitates and swallows once, hard. "Have you heard of an infinity knot ring?"

Niall shakes his head slowly, tightening the blanket around him.

"Okay, well...essentially, it...it's a ring shaped like a knot, and it represents a promise. It's a promise ring, I guess, meaning that it's a knot that hasn't quite been tied yet...but has all intentions of being tied." He risks a look at Niall's face after he says that. Niall is biting hard on his lip, cheeks ruddy from the cold, but his face is expressionless. "Niall...I love you. I have always loved you. I honestly believe you're my soulmate...you make me so happy, and nothing would make me happier than you being willing to make this your promise, too." Zayn is biting his lip now, too, as he pulls the jewelry box out of his pocket. Niall lets out a shaky gasp as Zayn opens the box -- the ring nestled inside is beautiful, and the meaning behind the knot makes Niall's throat tighten.

Niall looks at Zayn. His eyes are filled with tears -- he is terrified. Niall lets out a broken sob and scrambles his way into Zayn's lap so he can hug him.

"It's such a beautiful thing," Niall gasps between sobs, "to know someone who will love you amidst every broken thing. You have loved me despite it all -- despite me trying to push you away, despite Henry and Louis --" Niall has to pause after saying those names, "despite my brokenness, despite...despite everything. Zayn, it has been an honor to have loved you as much as I have. An absolute honor. I have loved every second. Every second." He pulls back so he can wipe his cheeks and look his boyfriend in the face. "Of course I'm willing to make this my promise, Zayn. It's been my promise since I met you."

Zayn lets out a shaky, relieved sigh, and a few tears trickle down his face as he puts the ring on Niall's finger. Then he just holds him, and they stay out there despite the cold, just holding each other.

"Does this mean we're gonna get married?" Niall questions Zayn, and Zayn lets out a laugh.

"Yeah, Niall, I guess it does."

Niall lets out a delighted squeal and runs back inside, and Zayn laughs as he follows him. He tells Harry and Liam, who both also cheer delightedly and hug them for a long time.

While Niall is hugging Liam, he whispers in his ear, "This wouldn't have been possible without you, Li. Thank you for not giving up on me -- but for also not letting me give up on him." He squeezes his best friend a little tighter. "I love you."

Liam kisses the side of his best friend's head, so happy for them. "I love you, too, Ni."

- - -

Seven years later, after Zayn and Niall have graduated college and have (somewhat) stable jobs, they get married. It's a small ceremony, because Zayn isn't crazy about making a giant ordeal out of it, so just their families and their best friends are there. Crazily enough, Harry and Liam get married literally seven hours later, and they'd planned it out so they take a joint honeymoon to Europe together because squad goals.

Niall and Zayn had both written their own vows, and Zayn goes first. "Niall," he says, and his voice wobbles, which makes tears well up in Niall's eyes. "God, I can't believe this. I can't believe that seven years after we got together we're getting married." He thumbs Niall's tears away, smiling gently at who will be his husband in just a few minutes. "I can't remember not loving you. I can't remember not wanting to spend the rest of my life with you. I have stood beside you for almost all my life, loving you, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to have loved you for so long." He takes Niall's tiny, cold hands in his own. "I am so lucky to have these hands to hold for the rest of my life. These lips to kiss, this person to love, I am so lucky." He leans his forehead against Niall's. "I am so excited to begin the first day of the rest of my life with you, angel."

Niall is crying shamelessly when Zayn finishes speaking. "How am I supposed to top that?" he mumbles, and gives Zayn a shy smile when everyone laughs. "Zayn...God, where do I even start?" He takes a deep breath. "It's no secret that I've had a very broken adolescence. I was lonely, and hard on myself, and a lot of things happened that changed how I saw myself." His eyebrows furrow as he gets lost in thought. "But...that never changed how you saw me. You loved me through all of it. Through the panic attacks, and the endless tears, through the things that triggered me. You loved me when I couldn't bear to be touched, when I was overwhelmed by shame and embarrassment...Zee, you loved me even when I didn't deserve it."

"You always deserve it," Zayn interrupts.

"Shut up, it's my turn," Niall giggles, but his gaze is soft and fond, and the audience laughs again. "I am so grateful to you. I'd never imagined that I could learn to love myself through someone else loving me...but I have, and I am eternally grateful. You think you're the lucky one? You are so wrong. I am so lucky to have you to love for the rest of my life, and I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you."

Zayn is crying even when the priest says he can kiss the groom, and they can taste each other's tears on their lips.

an: an epilogue will be coming soon but this story is coming to a close, y'all! i hope you enjoyed. xx


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