Sage ➸ Carl Grimes

28 ➸ gasoline

GASOLINE by HALSEY

A month later.

Guys I'm so sad. I'm sorry, but it's so much harder to write now. I love the support and everything, it means the world, but I feel like I've lost my thing. I can't write like I used to and I feel like I'm failing; this is just me.

I've thought countless times about quitting this book, I truly have. And I still am. I just wonder if you guys would even miss it, it's such a sloppy mess. I'm ashamed I even started this book, because I always feel like quitting it. I'll do my best not to, but I'm gonna need some love. If even that.

I hope this book isn't failing you.

I kill myself writing and I keep deleting what I have written because I want the best for you readers. But I can't seem to get the best anymore? I'm losing it.

I have one question: does this book mean anything to you?

I hope I figure it out soon. I would feel like a failure to leave this book.

Shower with some love, if you can.

This chapter is so boring. I'm sorry...

95 votes for an update.

CARL

Behind my eyelids, I dreamt of her. I dreamt of a girl with eyes of grey and hearts of lies. I dreamt of a girl who was afraid of those around her and afraid of herself. I dreamt of a girl who had taken the final hit from her guardian. I dreamt of a girl who cut her arms in an attempt to escape and to remember and to forget. I dreamt of a girl who ran away, blinded as to what she was walking into. I dreamt of a girl who spent months alone and starving, not long before running into a defeated boy. I dreamt of a girl who told the boy lies, in an attempt to avoid attachment. I dreamt of a girl who fell in love with a boy, and how the boy loved her, throughout her sickenings and her sins. I dreamt of a girl that loved a boy; because she was still able to.

She didn't have wings of purity or foulness of malevolence. She had the boy; and he was losing his mind falling in love with her.

I slept unsettlingly, and was interrupted by a splash of a light substance that was trickling onto my face. It didn't take long before my mind had rearranged itself, and my eyes shot open, nearly blinded by liquid.

I sat up in an instant, my face dripping with something that had startled me awake. I glanced left and right, my chest rising in a slight panic and uncertainty. Emerson greeted me with those familiar, grey eyes that mocked me too much of the girl's.

The side of his mouth was lifted with ease, his smirk being the first thing in sight. Wearing on a black shirt and a thick, black coat, with dark jeans and unmatched shoes. In his hands was a red container, and he tossed it at the ground beneath his feet. I studied my surroundings; the dying fire was now nothing but a clump of black ash in the center of the alleyway. Noah was laying fast asleep on his back, his head elevated by an abandoned tire lying alongside the litter of the aftermath. Daryl was sitting with his knees up, his crossbow in his lap as he fumbled with the bolts. I figured Daryl wouldn't sleep under the presence of someone as frightening as Emerson, and I began to wonder how I possibly managed to.