15 - Sane, Saner, Sanest (2 of 2)

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NP: Winds by Birdy

I'm in a foreign state
My thoughts they slip away
My words are leaving me
They caught an aeroplane
Because I thought of you
 

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My brain hadn't turned up for work yet. But then, I felt the need to move. So I struggled up from bed.

Alexis came to my side. "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. Paused a little from the sudden dizziness. Got over it.

"Stay in bed," Vincent hushed, trying to push me back to bed.

I got up and mechanically staggered to the bathroom.

"Or not." Vincent followed me, waving his hands frantically as if trying to decide whether to drag me back to bed or help me get up. Maybe he thought touching me would poison him. Maybe he was right. "You really shouldn't be getting up."

I got in, stepped under the shower and turned the knob. The water was cold. Shivers ran down my spine and I hugged myself.

Alex was at the door with his back turned to me, looking unsure if he should come in. "You really should rest, Aramis."

I just looked at him for like five seconds. Like 'why's he standing there?' Then, back to business. Without a care, I pulled my dress over my head.

"Okay. Taking a shower sounds good too," Vincent said, slamming the door shut.

I could hear them arguing outside.

"What's wrong with her?" Vincent hissed.

"Disorientation is a common aftereffect of SirenSoul abuse," Alex answered evenly. "For now, let's just provide a calm environment for her."

"You see this face? This is me being calm! Is she even in there anymore? Maybe Hector turned her into one those clone-thingy—"

Alexis cut him off. "Vincent. Breathe. Calm environment. My theory is that she had become extremely detached from her emotions that she had to act out her rituals to make up for the 'emptiness.'"

"Now you're a shrink?"

"I don't have a degree per se, but I attended a few semesters—"

Vincent shushed him. "You and your stupid theories. Why'd you always have to be right?"

"She is only taking a bath, which is a perfectly normal activity of daily living."

"Dude. She's got zombie-eyes." He exhaled sharply. "Yeah, normal."

I ignored them. There was something I should do. A very important thing. And I had to do it quick before my time was up.

Kill, some voice whispered from the back of my head. Yeah. That was it. I had to kill someone. What was her name? I still had to remember. It started with an 'A'.

Blankly, I grabbed Vincent's robe and draped it over my shoulder. It was too big and smelled like lemon soda. I used it anyway and stepped out of the bathroom, leaving a wet trail behind me.

Clothes. I needed clothes.

I looked through Vincent's wardrobe and pulled-up a light blue button-up and a pair of ancient man-tights. I stared at it. With a shrug, I put them on. Then I sat on the floor and began to put on my boots. For a minute, I tried to rack my brain for instructions. None came. It was just too hard.

The door opened.

"Aramis?" Vincent cautiously stepped in. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Something." I stared at him then at my boots. I still couldn't do them up.

Vincent kneeled in front of me. He tucked my dripping hair behind my ears and lowered his head so that we were eye to eye. "I know you're somewhere... in there. You can get through this; whatever this is."

I blinked.

"Do you even understand a word I'm saying?"

I stared at my boots again. It was the more pressing problem at the time. Not the guy who was just about to bear his soul to me.

He managed an empty smile and began working on my boots.

I smiled back.

"You want to know a secret?" He pulled the straps. Patiently. "When all of this... crap is over, we—you and I—will run away. We'll go places."

"Where?"

"Anywhere." He paused to look at me, his eyes hopeful. "Anywhere you want to go. We'll do everything we've always wanted to do, but couldn't since the world's so messed up and it kind of rests on our shoulders to save it."

My brows furrowed.

"You want to know another secret?" He tugged my boots to make sure they fit snugly. "I made a lot of mistakes in my time, but you? You're the best mistake I'd ever made."

I must be crazy, but I was seeing things more clearly.

I didn't think I had ever seen eyes more beautiful and at the same time, miserable in my life. It was like seeing them again for the first time; so pale, like molten silver with soft little patches of green in the middle, catching and holding the light. Curiously, I leaned closer to him and I could almost see my reflection on them.

Raising a brow, I traced the dark lashes on his heavy lids with my fingers. "They are sad. Why?"

He caught my hand and gently draped an arm over my nape, pulling me toward him as he did. My brain protested, yet every bit of me wanted to believe that right here, right now was my place in the world. The empty space inside me, this black hole in my soul was somehow being patched up little by little.

It was the first four seconds in a really long time that I wasn't terrified.

He touched his lips momentarily on the side of my head. For some reason, a dull twisting feeling awakened inside my chest. When he released me, he tried to smile but a tear was slowly sliding down his cheek. The black veins our brief contact had given him was gradually receding.

"What am I supposed to do, Aramis?" he murmured through his teeth. "I try to set things right and they still come tumbling down on me. First, Mother. Then Adrianna. Rosario. And now, you. Maybe, that's just what I do. I make people suffer just by being near them."

I caught his tears with my fingers and gazed at it, asking myself what it could have meant. Quickly, he brushed them away with the back of his hands.

"I just... want to stop seeing everyone I love die because of me. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Then don't." I reached for his eyes and covered them with my hands.

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datdadada! Do I hear birds singing? Or was that just me? E-hem. I know. I am super slow on these things. Took me 3 seconds to fall in love with Vincent and Aramis is still clueless up until now. Meh. So yeah. Before someone hit me on the head with a rolled newspaper, I'll shut up, promising another update by Thursday evening. Evening here, at least.

PS. A lot of love and thanks to GirlMischief for recommending the wonderful, wonderful song above ^ If you wanna suggests songs that fit the Reaper emo-ish (not a word. I know) feel, comment it below.




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