Walking Corpse

chapter six

March 25, 2005

Kai was never the same after his treatment. Some of his symptoms may have been treated for now, but he was a changed man. He acted differently than he would before. Dakota never understood what to do for him and it became tiring to her. His mind was constantly somewhere else and he distanced himself from the people he loved. It eventually took its toll to where Dakota felt hopeless in helping him and withdrew her instincts of care. Scott couldn't find it in himself to attempt to help either. He would be on his own.

Having some time off, Kai went to Washington to visit Scott and Nelly. He crossed paths with Nelly first when he was getting some coffee. They sit outside the back of the building where they'd have more privacy to have an open conversation since Kai wanted to tell her personal things as well.

"Dakota tells me you're a changed man. It'll be like I won't even know you as the person you were before," Nelly starts off.

"I'm dealing with my problems," He replies and shrugs it off.

"Is that all you have to say?" She asks with a slight chuckle.

Kai huffs and rubs his eyes, "I needed isolation."

"For what reason and why?"

"From everyone until I felt like the person I was before. I want to be the person who could get through all his struggles," He explains while motioning with his hands in frustration.

"You don't need to return to the person you once were. You can become someone better than before," Nelly consoles him, "And you need to let yourself accept that it's okay to receive help from other people."

Kai looks past Nelly to the brick wall, he understood what she was trying to say. It was hard to overcome that, though. What if he didn't become someone better? 

He crosses his arms before speaking, "I know—I'm just afraid it won't go the way it should."

"You don't get to plan how your life goes."

"I mean you kind of do since what you do affects what goes on in your future," He lightens up his tone and shows a small smile, "Enough about me. I know it's hard keeping up with each other since we're withdrawn in our lives. How have you been?"

She shrugs and taps the side of her cup as she speaks less confidently, "It's hard keeping in touch with people when I'm constantly traveling with research groups. I'm glad our friendship hasn't died off yet, it's good to have a constant in my life. I wouldn't really know how to answer you, though."

"Why not?" He asks and looks back at her.

"It's nice going places but at the end of the day, sometimes it'd be nice to have someone to go home to. Not even physically—just to be able to go to someone who's been thinking of you."

"Have you lost faith in finding love?" He chuckles a bit.

"Sometimes I have but then I look at other people in love and I gain a little of it back. Are you blind to your love?" She asks and arches her brow.

"No idea what you're speaking of."

Nelly sighs and adjusts her seating position, "Remember when we went to that huge fair by the creek with a group over the summer?"

"Of course, who could forget about that crazy night?" He smiles thinking back to it.

"I saw the way you looked at Dakota. I'm no cupid but I'm not blind either."

Kai nods and remains quiet for a moment, "I've had my moments with Dakota but I'm not sure if she's had her moments with me. Nelly, I've messed all of it up, what do I do? Dakota's left my side completely because I couldn't let her in. I know Scott won't attempt to tell me anything because he doesn't understand how else to help me."