twisted (phan) || book #2

fifteen

P H I L ' S P O V

Flames. Smoke. Screaming. Burning. Crying.

That's all I felt, all I heard, all I smelt.

The hotel was on fire. I couldn't find Dan. I couldn't find Bryony. I was stuck. The shelf had broken and fell on me. I couldn't get up, the wood was crushing my legs.

Maybe this was how I was going to die. I was going to die alone and helpless.

"Dan!" I cried out. "Somebody help!"

Tears streamed freely down my face. I was sweating. Suddenly I saw a figure running through the doorway. They sat in front of me and I looked up. It was Dan.

"You're gonna be fine, alright? I'll get you out of this. . . we can fix this, it's okay. . . don't worry. . ."

I nodded, but the tears didn't stop. Dan had tears rolling down his cheeks, too. He reached down and began to pull at my arms, trying to get me out from the shelf, but it was no use. I didn't even slide an inch forward. He was sobbing now.

"Dan, it's okay. I'm fine. I'll be fine, okay? Just get out of here. . . please. . ."

He shook his head, yanking at me roughly, desperate to save me. "I won't leave you! No, no, I'm not leaving you!"

I reached out to wipe his tears. He leaned down and cried into the palms of his hands. I looked down at my arm and pulled off the black bracelet, taking his hand and putting it into his grasp. He opened his hand and shook his head at me.

I smiled sadly. "Hey, remember? Black and white go together. . ." I trailed off, hoping he'd finish it. He held back a cry.

"Just like you and I," he finished, his voice trembling and hoarse. He coughed, the smoke obviously getting to him. "You can't give this to me. It's for us, I can't have both."

I shook my head. "You can't have one without the other."

"Phil, please don't say that. . . you aren't gonna die, okay? Don't say goodbye yet. . ." His eyes were bloodshot, his body shaking as sobs ripped out his throat. "Somebody help us! Please! Somebody! Anybody!" There was no reply.

"Baby, it's no use. It's no use. Please just save yourself. For me. Get out of here while you still can."

"You don't get it," he sniffled. "I don't have a reason to survive if you're not there to do it with me. You're my home. I'll have no where to go if I lose you. Please, I love you. Don't give up just yet. We'll get out of this, or we'll go together."

"Dan. . ." I began.

"Stop it! Don't you dare say goodbye to me, Phil Lester!" I shut up and slowly he laid down next to me, reaching down and intertwining our fingers. He pulled my hand up and kissed my knuckles. "We'll go together."

Cries began to die out. The flames began to grow. The screaming began to quiet to whimpers and whispered pleads. Smoke began to spread. The walls were peeling, the fire melting the wood. A lamp fell near us, adding to the fire. We coughed.

I looked back at Dan to see him smiling reassuringly at me. "I love you, you know that? Maybe I wasn't so great at showing it. But I love you. I love you so fucking much, Phil. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I push you away, I'm sorry I yell at you for no reason, I'm sorry I reject your kisses and hand holding. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm sorry it has to be this way."

I raised my shaking hand and coughed, placing my hand on his jawline. "I know you love me. I love you too."

We both coughed.

"It's okay. It's okay."

"It's okay," I repeated.

"It's okay."

"Phil, it's okay!" I heard shouting. "It's okay, I'm here! Wake up!"

The boy in front me nodded slowly. "It's okay."

I coughed more.

"Phil!"

"It's okay. . ." Dan whispered, his eyes slowly shutting.

My eyes watered. "Dan?"

"Wake up!"

I shot up crying, tears rolling down my cheeks and falling onto the mattress. I shook my head furiously, my whole body trembling as sobs wracked through me. I turned to see Dan, the real Dan. He had his hand on my shoulder, his face leaking concern and worry. "It's okay. . ." I murmured.

Dan nodded, climbing onto my lap and wrapping his arms around my shoulders. He nudged his head into my neck, sighing. I hugged his waist, letting out a shaky breath. I looked to see Bryony standing, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips slightly furrowed.

"You okay?" She mouthed. I nodded. I tightened my grip on my boyfriend, not wanting to let go, fearing that if I did he'd go up in flames just like my nightmare. Dan reached up with his free hand and pet the back of my head.

"You're alright, I've got you. I'm here, it was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare. . . it wasn't real. . . go back to sleep, baby."

And eventually I did, falling asleep in his arms for the first time in awhile.

✗

"Dan, chill out!"

I blinked, sitting up and rubbing my tired eyes to focus them on what was happening. Bryony had her hands up, her eyes wide and locked on Dan who had a knife in his hand.

I jumped out of the bed and walked forward, standing in front of Bryony to protect her. "Dan, calm down. Put the knife down."

"That's Wirrow! Why are you protecting Wirrow? We have to kill him!"

"Dan, it's Bryony," I responded, cautiously walking forward with my hand out. "You're imagining things again. It's Bryony. Remember her? She won't hurt us. She's our friend. Friend. We're safe."

Dan slowly raised the knife down, considering putting it down, until Bryony decided to speak up.

"He's fucking schizophrenic, Phil."

Dan let out a yell and ran forwards, shoving me out of the way and knocking Bry to the floor. She screamed as he raised his knife and I quickly ran back, snatching the weapon from his hand and yanking him off her. I pinned him to the carpet, my hands on his wrists and legs pinning his ankles down.

I tossed the knife back to Bryony and kept Dan down, who was breathing heavily and still thrashing under me.

"Dan, look at me. Look at me."

His eyes darted everywhere but my face. I leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, smiling when I felt him begin to kiss back after a moment's hesitation. I pulled away and finally, we locked eyes. "Phil?" He whispered. He looked at Bryony, then me, then at the knife in her hand. He looked back at me. "Did I freak out again?"

I nodded. His eyes watered. "I'm sorry."

I stood up and helped him up, taking his hands in mine. I pressed my lips to his forehead, leaving a soft kiss on his skin. He smiled. I ran my fingers across his jawline.

"It's okay," I told him.

But it wasn't.

And that's why I had that nightmare, where Dan had repeatedly told me it was okay. It was because I knew that it wasn't, therefore I kept telling myself that it was.

I was lying to myself. I was lying to him, because it wasn't okay.

This isn't okay.