twisted (phan) || book #2

twenty two

D A N ' S  P O V

Tears.

That's the main thing I remember of that night. Hell, that's all I want to remember. But want is an understatement.

Nyla and Ross went up in flames right in front of my eyes. I was told that Bryony killed herself, after shooting another member. That she had saved us.

I was out for most of it, unconscious from the start, not to mention the starvation and abuse inflicted upon me and the terror I induced for days.

But today, right now, was different.

Today marked a week since that night, so here Phil and I were, sitting at Nyla's grave quietly. Phil looked at me.

"You okay?" He murmured, pulling me closer to him and kissing the side of my head.

"If okay's being alive, then sure," I whispered. "You?"

Ever since that explosion, my vocal chords were officially damaged. I could still talk, but for the rest of my life my voice was going to sound hoarse and scratchy.

Phil, however, was fine, although his mental health was worrying. Constantly he had nightmares as to which I had to shake him awake and then hold him until he fell back asleep, and he never wanted to talk to people. I think he's afraid to care about another person then lose them, just like he had many times before.

"I just can't help but feel that all of this is my fault, because it is."

I shook my head, sitting in front of him. "It's not."

"It is. I joined Wirrow's pact in the first place-"

"Out of fear. They would've killed you. Anybody in your shoes would've done the same."

Phil only shook his head, refusing to look at me. "I'm sorry."

I exhaled. "You can apologize as much as you want, but no words can rewind to the past to change it. Now, come on, our flight leaves in a few hours."

"I'm not ready," Phil protested. "And aren't we supposed to-"

"Everything's packed. Promise." I stood and reached down, pulling Phil up and kissing his knuckles before pulling away.

I took his hand in mine afterwards and we walked from the graveyard, gaze on the damp grass below our feet.

After going back to the hotel and checking out, we called a taxi and headed to the airport. Waiting around was hell until the attendant's voice rang out.

"The flight to Missouri is now boarding."

We got our seats on the plane and I took Phil's hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

Phil was in his typical black while for once in a lifetime, I had, as Phil quotes, 'a fucking flower crown' on my head. Not to mention the sneakers he had bought me and the white high-waisted shorts.

The plane lifted and instantly Phil leaned onto me, clutching onto my arm tightly. I chuckled, turning to kiss the top of his head. "We're fine, it's alright,"

"I can't believe we're going back home," he thought aloud.

"It's over now. Home will be safe, and we can see our families."

Phil nodded and held me tighter, and for hours we sat like that until eventually Phil fell asleep on me. I woke him up again when we landed and got the bags down for us, dragging him off the plane and into the airport.

"Are you sure they won't hate us?" My boyfriend mumbled behind me.

"Feelings are feelings, that's a question you know I can't answer."

We got a cab and drove over, Phil looking out the window. I turned to look at him, grinning. He caught me staring and raised an eyebrow.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer."

I playfully punched him. "Shut up," I growled softly. He smiled only slightly before wiping it away. "Why don't you smile anymore?"

"Because I don't have a reason to."

"You've got me. I make you happy."

"There's a difference, Dan. You are my happiness. Nothing else makes me happy."

I sighed. "You make me happy."

Phil laced his fingers through mine. "And I intend to do that for the rest of life." I smiled at him and he flashed a small grin, but I knew it was forced.

I wasn't going to pressure him to get better- I was going to learn to help him myself. Not because it's what I wanted, but it's because I was the only one that could possibly understand.

It made sense, of course. I mean, nobody was going to tell their therapist that they were in a murderous pact in which they killed their future boyfriend's brother, then that boyfriend went insane and shot a man, then they ran away, etcetera etcetera.

Getting out of the cab in front of the building was like entering the doors of the school on your first day. Immediately my heart began pounding as I looked at it. Memories flooded my head like an overflowing sink and I grabbed Phil's wrist for support.

He winced at first, jumpy at my sudden action, but then relaxed. "It looks the same," he breathed out. "What do you think they'll say?"

"God knows," I shrugged. I pulled at his black bracelet to gesture for him to keep going, my white one rubbing against his.

We stepped on the porch and I took a breath. The windows were redone and clean. The bricks were new with the same color. The grass around it was still gray.

As I went to open the door, Phil stopped me. "Hold on," he commanded. Standing on his tippy toes, he reached up to adjust my flower crown, dropping back to his feet to examine me. With a nod, he kissed my cheek. "I still hate that you've grown taller than me." I smiled, and turned back to the door.

I raised my fist, ready to make the sound of skin against hard wood. I looked at my closed fist to see it trembling, my breathing shaky. I shook my head, dropping my hand and feeling my eyes water. Phil put his hands on my face. "I can't do it," I sniffled.

"It's now or never, baby. I'm right here with you," Phil reassured me. I opened my eyes to look into his blue ones. "We'll do it together."

With that he closed his fist onto mine, raised my hand for me, and I squeezed my eyes shut. And slowly, we threw our fists forward, jumping at the sound it repeatedly made. Once done I dropped my hand only to lace it with Phil's. Footsteps rang out inside and I stepped back, eyes wide.

I blinked wildly. A lock clicked. Phil squeezed my hand.

Another lock clicked. I bounced on my feet.

The knob turned. I gulped.

And just like that, the door opened. I opened my mouth to speak, but they cut me off.

"Hi, welcome to support group."

fin