The Lure of Darkness (Kylo Ren fanfic)

// Five // Kylo's POV //

I lay sleeplessly in bed. I can't calm my mind as it races with thoughts of my family, thoughts of the First Order, thoughts of the war within me, and of course thoughts of Maiya.

I wonder if my mother hates me? Could she really love me after what I did? What I stole from her? What I ripped away from myself in the name of my progression within the darkness...

Maiya will never see the greatness I strive to achieve, because she's blinded by the legends all the kids have grown up hearing. She'll never understand what a disappointment any of it was, what a pull to the darkside I felt my whole life. I suppose if I had had a life like her, without the constant tug of light and dark within, maybe I'd see things differently too. But that isn't the case.

I sigh.

"Kylo?" Maiya mumbles sleepily. I look over to my right at her. Her back is facing me as she lay there curled in a ball, her long white hair splattered against the pillow. "Hm?"

After a short moment, she asks, "What do you think about that keeps you up so late? It's gotta be the same thing that makes you distant the rest of the time. I see the look in your eyes when it happens. It's like something in you shifts."

I never realized that I did that. But Maiya seems to take noticed of everything, as if she's always been around to notice the subtle differences.

"There's a lot of things, Maiya. Things I don't want you to worry about." My voice is low, calm. 

I feel the bed shift as she rolls over to face me. Even in the dark, her blue eyes seem to shine.

"I don't accept that answer. If I'm gonna be here, you can at least tell me something. I don't care what you pick, just something."

I look back at her. Her face is void of anything along the lines of judgemental, but I can see traces of curiosity and concern. 

I sigh. "Well... The First Order is concerned with eliminating all jedi's. One in particular, but don't worry too much about that okay? There's just a lot at stake you could say, and after the recent events... There's a lot on the line for me."

I had crossed a line with what I did. A line I could never, ever return from. And deep down, a part of me was lost for what I'd done. But that wasn't the part of me in control anymore. That part was slowly being killed. But it was the part that made me acutely aware of how far I'd come from the boy training with his uncle to master the force... The boy lured away to the darkside. 

I didn't have any regrets. I didn't want to....

"Kylo!"

I blink and look over at her. "You did it again! Where did you go just then?

I move my arm over, motioning for her to scoot closer to me. I can see how uncertain she is about doing it, but after a second she moves over to me, her head resting on my shoulder.

"I went to a place in between good and bad just then. That happens sometimes when a memory resurfaces in my mind."

She stays quiet after that, but she doesn't move away. She doesn't even flinch as my hand gently plays with her hair. I realize that she's like an anchor for me. Somehow she calms the war within me. I didn't think anything could ever do that.

Well, I did once, but of course I was wrong...

"You should go to sleep, Kylo."

I smile softly as she remains where she is. "You should too."

***

I'd had to leave early to handle a mission on some other planet. We were searching for the girl, the jedi... She took something of mine, and was most likely soon to find my uncle. They both needed to be obtained, and destroyed should Snokes give the say so.

"No, this isn't her!" I shout as I immediately grab my lightsaber and slash the nearest items which happened to be a pile of crates near a tent.

A few of the troopers carefully back away.

I look over at the terrified girl, surrounded by other terrified beings. The day I found Maiya resurfaces in my head, and I push it away just as quickly to order, "Kill them all."

I stalk away before any conflicting emotion can challenge me.

***

Short chapter. Sorry it took so long to post;
been working on a Kylo drawing that I gotta finish
before Friday! Hope you guys enjoyed this, I'll try to
have a new one posted tomorrow!

Don't forget to comment what you thought, and if
you have any ideas for the story feel free to comment them too! :)

-Taylor