The Lure of Darkness (Kylo Ren fanfic)

// Six // Maiya's POV //

It's all day and most of the night I spend without Kylo. Maybe he's found a new plaything. That's all I am, right? Something to entertain himself with until he's bored again? That's what I'd expect...

I didn't realize how much more fun life was back home with Grumlock, my care taker after the death of my family. I smile as I think of him.

He was some kind of alien, I never bothered to ask what exactly. He was pretty big and blobby, with a gooey-like texture skin the color of desert mud. He had huge, round, golden cat eyes that seemed to always be full of light. Despite being a tough scavenger, he was very kind and relaxed with me, even when I stayed in trouble for the fights I wound up in often.

Grumlock and my father had known each other some odd years, so I'd know him all my life. Right after everything happened, I was being held at some campsite until someone came to claim me. It took two days, but after no one seemed to want an extra mouth to feed, Grumlock kindly took me in. Maybe it was because he was lonely by himself, or maybe it was because he felt he owed it to my father for some reason. He never did tell me why...

As I lay off the bed with my head hanging down to the floor, my eyes closed as I try to distract myself from the lack of anything to do since finishing the book, I find myself drowning in thoughts of my family. I wish more than anything I could remember them. I want to remember the way my mom looked in the morning when she woke me up for fighting lessons. I want to remember the way my dad's voice sounded when he read stories to me at bedtime.

I want to remember what my brother and my sister looked like, and the way mama managed to always settled the fights between them. I want to remember their names.

But now all I carry with me of them is my last name- it's all I managed to remember. I always wanted to ask Grumlock things about my family, but I never could get the nerve. And anyway, I think he thought I'd cope and move on better if I didn't dwell on them too much. He'd have been wrong.

***

I guess I must have fallen asleep 'cause I wake up to hearing shuffling around the room. The room is darker than before, so whatever light was on is now off.
The sound of armor being stripped fills the small space. After a moment my eyes adjust and I can see Kylo's figure about five feet away as he finished stripping down to his pants and shirt.

He runs a hand through his hair, and then it falls slack at his side. His head hangs down and his eyes close. He's lost. My heart tugs, as a feeling I don't quite recognize pounds against it. I feel the urge to wrap my arms around him and cradle him, telling him whatever it is... It'll be alright.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he says quietly, his voice rough unlike the usual smoothness it has.

"It's okay," I whisper. I haven't taken my eyes off of him. I can tell his eyes are open now as he slowly looks over at me. His face holds no emotion; he simply looks tired, drained, exhausted of all that he has.

I sit up in the bed and force myself to speak, "Something's wrong... What's wrong?" I ask him that a lot, I know. But I can't help him no matter how much I want to without knowing what's eating at him. I probably can't help even if I do know. But I do want to.

He walks over towards me, his usual posture now slack in defeat of some sort.
"We thought we found the jedi that I'm looking for. But when I got to the planet she was supposedly being held at... It wasn't her. I looked at her, and I thought of you. I almost chose to spare them all... But I didn't. I gave the order and left. I'm not sure I'm upset about giving the order. I think I'm upset about thinking of not giving it."

As he tells me this, he sits in the chair, his elbows resting on his knees and hands hanging limply, his head hanging down as well as he stares at the floor. His dark hair falls around his face. I want to touch it, but I don't.

"Why can't you be upset about both?"

He carefully looks up at me, his eyes filled with curious confusion. "What?"

I cock my head to the side as I say, "You talk about a war within you. Good and bad- because you're 'force sensitive' right? It makes sense a part of you doesn't want to give that kind of order. And it makes sense the other part of you doesn't like that you considered not doing such a thing. I think you're upset about both, but I guess you wouldn't want to admit that. That would seem to undermine your loyalty to the darkside, right?"

The confusion seems to fade away, but I can't see what replaces it. He doesn't say anything for a while, just stares at me. I hate to be stared at. As much as I want to hold his gaze, I force my eyes away. 

"I guess it wouldn't be as simple as wishing I could carelessly give the order," he says quietly, agreeing with my words, "not for me, anyway."

There's more to his words, like always, but I don't push him for answers this time. Instead, as he ducks his head back down in some type of defeat, I slowly reach my hand out. I close my eyes just as my hand gently touches his hair. I peek out of one eye and notice he's rigid at my touch, but silent. I softly run my fingers through his curls, carefully working out the knots in them. He slowly relaxes as my fingers work softly, and I can't help but smile.

That goes on for a few more minutes before he carefully gets up and climbs into the bed. Neither of us say anything as he lays there close to me, his eyes closed as I continue to play with his hair. Within minutes he's asleep, but I keep at it. 

This is a moment where I see him as the vulnerable, scared, confused little boy and not the monstrous murderer the rest of the galaxy knows him to be. To me, Kylo Ren is both of these. And because of that, I choose to care for him as carefully as I can. I don't know too much about caring for a person, only what I feel. And I feel greatly about Kylo, as much as I hate it. 

For as long as I'm here, Kylo is mine to care for. And I'm not sure how safe that is for either of us.

***

I feel pretty good about this chapter!

Thoughts?? Hope you guys enjoyed it! :)

-Taylor