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Chapter 4

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Part four- Paul's P.O.V

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I began humming a little tune to pass time when I heard someone clear their throat above me. My eyes opened abruptly and I sat up quickly. John stood in front of me with a sheepish grin and sat down in front of me. I looked down at my lap, smiling a little now because he didn't appear to be upset. "Are you doing okay?" I asked in a quiet voice. Even though John looked fine on the outside, I knew he was pretty good at not showing his emotions. I wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. "I will be, eventually. I guess I'm okay, considering everything." He answered. I nodded slowly. "Paul, you can look at me, you know. Whatever happened the other day doesn't change the fact that I'm John, and you're Paul. Stop acting like a girl." He said roughly. I slowly raised my head to meet his eyes. What I saw was simply John, we were just us again. I didn't get that weird mirror feeling that led me to kiss him last time, instead it just felt normal, like it did every other time I was around John. Maybe it will never happen again and that was just a one time thing.

"So, what'd you want to talk about?" I asked uneasily, only feeling more awkward when he snorted and shook his head. "What do you think, Macca? I want answers." He said, his voice surprisingly low and calm in contrast to the suddenly dangerous look on his face. I closed my eyes and felt a small shudder go down my spine. And to think that I thought everything was safe now. John can be such a moody little sod sometimes.

"I can't give you answers unless you ask me something first, you nit." I replied.

I licked my lips nervously and tried to breathe evenly to calm the frantic rhythm of my heartbeats. Here comes the insults that I dreaded so much. "Well, I expected you to know already. Why did you...y'know..." He said quietly, staring at me intensely. How was I supposed to answer him when I didn't know why I kissed him myself? I thought I was going to start pulling my hair out from frustration at this point. Why couldn't he just let it be, pretend it never happened? He knew I didn't like him in that way, didn't he? "I don't know John, it just happened, alright?" I snapped, standing up and walking away before he saw how much this was bothering me. I turned my back to him and closed my eyes tightly, wishing that maybe when I opened them again I would wake up and this would all be a dream. John's voice brought me out of my hopeless thinking as soon as it started though.

"Well, it was pretty weird, wasn't it?" He asked in a curious way. His question caught me off guard, since I was still waiting for him to decide he hates me and never wants to see me again. "You think so?" I asked.

"Yeah, don't you?" He replied. I winced when I felt his hand touch my shoulder and moved away from him. I didn't answer, but my silence was enough of a response for John. He took a few steps back and stared at me with wide eyes.

"You didn't think it was weird."

I'm not sure if that was supposed to be a question or a fact he was simply stating.

"I never said that." I said shakily, trying to ignore the coldness of his words. "You didn't have to. I bet you bloody liked it, kissing your friend like a soddin' poof." He spat. I took in a deep breath an shook my head fiercely. "So if I were to let you do it again, you wouldn't enjoy it?" He asked jeeringly, a dangerous smile on his lips. I gulped involuntarily and shook my head again. "Sod off John, you're acting like a prick. This isn't funny, you know." I grumbled in response to his irritating teasing. He came closer to me, until our bodies were nearly touching. He poked my chest lightly and his milky brown eyes stared into mine. "I'm not trying to be funny. I came here for bloody answers as to why you've suddenly-" I pushed him away from me before he could finish his sentence and he landed with a thud on the ground. I didn't mean to actually make him fall, but I guess that works too. He scowled at me and began to stand up again.

"I said, sod off." I said weakly, turning away from him and walking as quickly as I could out of that place.

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I can't believe I let John make a fool of me like that. He didn't even give me a chance to explain, he just threw around some insults and made me feel like an idiot.

I wrapped my thin jacket around me tighter as I trudged back home, fighting away the stupid tears that were threatening to fall. I wasn't about to get all emotional about this, John sometimes got in a mood like this, I'm sure it'll pass eventually.

At least I hope it'll pass this time.

I did screw up pretty badly though, and he made it really clear that he didn't appreciate the fact that I kissed him. Who would, though? If I were John I would be confused and upset with me too.

Finally I got back to my house and flung the door open angrily. I wasn't really looking for him, but on my quick sprint to my bedroom, I noticed dad wasn't home. I stopped in my tracks and looked around the hall. "Mike?" I called out curiously, wondering if dad would leave him home alone. "Yeah?" I heard him answer back, his voice coming from his room. I walked in there, the thoughts of John slowly fading into the back of my mind, even though they were still present. Mike was sitting on his bed reading a book. "Where'd dad go?" I asked, sitting down in the empty space next to him. "He had to run a few errands." He responded in a bored tone, giving up on reading to focus on our conversation. I sighed and rubbed my eyes tiredly.

It was only a little past noon, why was I tired? I thought about taking a nap but I didn't like the idea of Mike being practically alone while I slept. He was only a little younger than me but I still looked after him like he was a child, and I could tell it annoyed him to no end. "So, uh, are you okay? You look bloody awful." He said. I shrugged, pretending I hadn't seen anything wrong with my appearance. Mike knew better though, it was pretty odd for me to look so out of place and not happy. Lately though, it's more common than usual. "I'm fine. Just had a little argument with John." I answered truthfully, swallowing uncomfortably, feeling a lump in my throat. "What about?" He asked in a innocent tone, looking at me with a curious expression. I shook my head and stood up, walking towards the door. Before I was out of his room I answered with "Something you don't need to worry about."

I went to my own room and shut the door behind me, hoping for some privacy. I felt so confused and alone. If I was around other people and talking to them, I didn't really feel interested or I would get annoyed by every little thing they said. But when I was by myself, it was just as bad because I couldn't escape from my own thoughts. I decided to grab my guitar and see if it would help to play some music. That only kept me busy for a little while though, and soon I became frustrated and gave up on that. It just wasn't the same if I wasn't playing with John. It sure is going to be awkward the next time our band practices. Maybe I can just ignore him and talk to George. I didn't really want to think about that right now, I only wanted to sleep for as long as possible. I really liked the idea of taking a nap, at least then I could get away from anything that had to do with John, if it's only for a couple hours. It's like death without the commitment.

Mike should be okay if I just shut my eyes for a few minutes.. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over top of me, shutting my eyes as tight as I could in order to escape reality. Soon enough I was happily greeted with deafening silence and an empty mind, or at least at first I was.

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