Disasterology (perrentes)

chapter 10

May 27

Dinner.  The one part of the day that seemed to not feel so empty. All the patients ate dinner together in the eastern most cafeteria. Out of the three in the facility, the dinner one was the largest. Tables ranged from people in age ranges northern of ninety, to mid-thirties, to teenage. The youngest, being Austin.

Normally, the few senior residents would sit near the front, where the food was. Then scattered about the rest of the cafeteria were all of the ones in between. As of stereotyped, the teenagers sat in the back. Not for any other reason than it was quiet though. Jaime and I sat alone together at a table on one side while Austin and Tony sat on the other. Tony always sat with his back towards me, which I found, for whatever reason, disheartening.

I slowly walked down the vacant hall that led to the cafeteria. I never had much of an appetite, but I always end up going to dinner anyways. Usually, I'm late. Not tonight though. Something compelled me to show up on time, maybe it was boredom. My head felt heavy. Empty. Blank. Today wasn't a good day for anything.

As I approached the door, there was a moment of hesitation. Was it worth the energy? What good could come from sitting, surrounded by people, and feeling alone? I ignored my thoughts, and trudged onward.

There were only a few people in the cafeteria, none of whom I could name. They were all older, maybe in their sixties. I walked to my usual seat and took a head count. There was eight of us in total. Eight vacant pairs of eyes and seven docile minds. As I sat, I checked the time on the clock on the wall where the food was. Before I came here, I didn't realize I was forgetting how to read a clock. I was so used to checking the time on my phone, that the knowledge of a third grader slipped my mind. It was 5:48, and dinner started at six. Started at six for most people anyways.

I rested my head against the wall and pulled my legs up on my chair. It was a tight fit, because my unnecessarily long legs, but I managed to get all of myself on the chair. I felt myself slipping from reality once again. I was thinking about yesterday. Everything about it felt surreal. It was like I was disconnected from myself. My eyes were shut and I felt myself vanishing. Peacefully, and completely, vanishing. Or, I was until I heard a tray slam on my table.

Before I even opened my eyes I knew who was there, "Hello Jaime."

"Hey Mikey. Why do ya look so tired? Late night partying?" He joked with a toothy grin. That was always what he did. He joked and he laughed and he smiled. It was hard to think he ever tried to kill himself.

"Definitely. I got so wasted last night. It was a shame you weren't there," I played along.

"Who's party was it? If it was Nellie's then you know why I wasn't there," he giggled. Nellie was an older woman who lives in the hall adjacent to ours. Unfortunately, her hearing is remarkable for someone in her late seventies, so she really despised Jaime's late night dance parties. At least twice a week she hobbles to our door at midnight and tells us to keep it down. Jaime has never once obeyed her wishes.

"Me and that old hound partied all night without you. Maybe it was for revenge, or maybe she's just a hypocrite, but Nellie dances like a boss."

"Does she now?" Jamie asked. He was saying other things as well, but I stopped listening. I spotted Tony, which was a natural distraction. I watched as his eyes nervously scanned the room, as if looking for an intruder, and I watched as he walked up to the counter and said who knows what to Jenna. I watched him as he made his way, now with a tray of food, towards the table he and Austin sit at. Austin had just sat down with a tray of his own and looked behind him to see if Tony was here yet. He was nearing their table, but just as quickly as he got there, he walked past it. Austin called out for him in confusion. Hell, I was even tempted to ask where he was going.

Both Austin and I's questions were answered though when Tony sat down directly across from me. "Uh, hi," he mumbled. He looked back to Austin, as a gesture of silently summoning him. Austin, adorned by a look of suspicion, got up and followed in the steps of Tony. He sat next to Tony and across from Jaime. This was the second time the four of us had ever sat together.

"Well look who finally joined us," Jaime grinned, "I knew you guys would realize you're missing out on the party."

---

It was early the next morning I saw the face of my brother. It was in the same courtyard I saw Justin in, I hadn't been back since then. I was glad to see Vic. He was the one thing that reminded me of home. When I walked into the courtyard we embraced quickly, but not too long as that would be uncomfortable for the both of us. We weren't raised with the most affection, so doing anything affectionate was a bit much.

We sat next to each other on a bench. I let Vic go on for a while about life outside of the walls that confined me. I knew though that he was avoiding the topic of Jack. I didn't blame him. He probably didn't know what state I'm in or how I'd react to the mentioning of my so-called best friend. Sure, trying to leave him was selfish, but isn't it more selfish to leave me in a time of need? I guess Vic was right in not talking about Jack. I'm just working myself up.

"Mike!" Vic sighed, "Did you hear anything I just said?"

"Uh," I hesitated. He knew the answer without me having to say it. "Tell me again?" I suggested.

He cracked a small smile, "Okay, fine. But listen this time, it's important." Vic looked at me and then to his hands and then back at me. He did this a few more times until I interrupted him.

"Okay, Vic, I'll listen, but you have to actually give me something to listen to."

"Yeah, alright then. I'm just figuring out how to say this without sounding ridiculous," he stopped again. I nudged him to continue and he complied, "Well, I met this boy. He was stealing candy from the store, and I ended up letting him keep it. Uh, anyways I think I really like him, like maybe even love." He gave me a weary look before averting his gaze.

"Well, that's alright. I'm happy for you." I was trying to think of something to say. What do you say when your brother confesses he's in love with someone who stole from him? I decided I should keep it simple, "What's his name?"

"Kellin. I don't know, there's something that just draws me to him. I don't even think he feels the same way. He actually works at the store now, believe it or not. I haven't ever said anything to him about how I feel, but I don't think he's even attracted to dudes so it doesn't matter."

"I actually understand exactly what you're talking about," I laughed. As soon as Vic started talking about being drawn to someone, I knew exactly what he talking about.

"Oh yeah? How?" he countered.

"Well, there's this boy who never talks..."

----

I remember clearly. Vic was the first person to know about my desire to speak to Tony. I always kept my distance though. I didn't know what he could or couldn't take. I always let him make the first move, until I couldn't wait anymore. Anyways, that doesn't quite matter now.

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boooooom. look, I'm back on schedule!! sorry about my brief hiatus there, I should be back to updating every Sunday again. also, thanks for 100 votes and nearly 1000 reads!!! holy fuck that means a lot so thank you times a million