Disasterology (perrentes)

now

"How do you feel?" Dr. Gaskarth asked.

How did I feel?

"Numb," I replied. Yeah, that was the word.

"And why do you think you feel this way?" he asked in his monotone therapist voice.

"I imagine you know why. It's the same reason I'm here. I realize that it was really foolish of me and now after all of that, I just feel numb," I said back in my monotone dazed patient voice. It's been eight months and I still feel nothing. And, to think, for a while I actually started to feel something, it was my form of bliss. Then I went back into default. Numb.

"You get discharged today. Is your dad going to be picking you up?" I wish he didn't ask so many questions.

"No, Vic is. My father has to work," I wish I didn't have to give so many answers.

"Ah, yes, Vic. You've spoken about him before. You seem to idolize him in a way, why don't you tell me about that?"

" I don't idolize him. It's just he is strong in a way I'm not. He wouldn't have tried doing what I did. That's all. He's always happy too. He has this boyfriend who really makes him happy. I think in a way, Kellin is his version of coping." I said slowly, so Dr. Gaskarth could take his notes in all the detail he wanted.

"What do you mean by 'his way of coping'?" too many questions.

"Well they all have a way of dealing with what I did, my dad started working extra hours, but I think that was because he was ashamed of me, Vic got a boyfriend, Jack got really into the guitar. I'm not sure exactly that it's coping though. It think it might just be a distraction and they're ignoring the fact I tried to kill myself"

"You've also mentioned Jack, who is he in relation to you?" I can't say it. I don't want to talk about him.

"He's my ex-best friend. He's the one who found me, you know? After I did the thing. He stayed at the hospital until I woke up. He told me that he was glad I failed and I told him" I stopped to let out a wry chuckle, "I told him it was just another failure in my life. He got real mad then, told me I had so much to be grateful for and that I was stupid for doing that. Then he stormed off. He hasn't came to visit me and we haven't talked since but Vic keeps me updated."

"Do you still feel suicidal? Do you think with out the presence of a close friend other than your brother will keep you from getting depressed?"

"No not anymore, just numb. And, as for that, having Jack didn't stop me the first time now did it?" I started laughing after that. It was part of my twisted sense of humor.

"No, I suppose not. Do you still want to be a writer when you get older, Mike?"

"I suppose so. Why?"

"A lot of writers feed off of their own tragedy. Maybe, you could write about your experiences here. Let your struggles be your muse." Dr. Gaskarth said. For once, I was actually listening to him. "In fact, I insist that you keep a journal. Write your past, all of your struggles, write how you feel now and how you hope you'll feel later on. Do you think you could do that?"

"Yeah. Yeah I think so. I can do that," I said. That's all I could say.

"What do you plan on doing when you get out of here?" back to boring therapist talk.

"I'm going to find a friend."

"The patient who checked out a month ago, I assume. You spent a lot of time with him while you were here. I believe he was one of Dr.Oliver's patients. What's his name?"

"Tony, Tony Perry."

"Let's talk about your medication..."

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Hi, yes, it's me again. After a year of reworking this story, I'd say it's about time I republished it. Hopefully, this time around there will be an ending for you. If things go well, there will be another update within the next few days. Anyways, hope you enjoyed!